If you know me and my blogging tendencies you will know that at the end of every year since 2007 I have evaluated what I've done and what I've achieved. This year is no different! So what I'm going to do is paste my lists of aims and excitements for 2010 that I wrote at the end of 2010, and talk about them a little bit. Then I'll make a new list for next year! Here we go :D
AIMS FOR 2010
- Get 1200 subscribers on my YouTube account
I exceeded this by 52! Very pleased and proud (:
- Get into my first choice university
I so did XD
- Go to my first choice university
Yes! Not my initial first choice university mind you...but despite all the hoohars, I did it!
- Make amazing friends at my first choice university
Ohmygosh. At the time of writing this, by "amazing" I meant "Quite cool bearing in mind I will have only just met them." But alas, the people I've met are flat out AYMAYZING.
- Keep in touch with my old friends
So indescribably happy that I did this.
- See Donny and Marie in Las Vegas
Yes!!!! I can't believe that this actually happened!!!! It was so brilliant!
- Do well in my A2s
Bearing in mind everything that went on, I'm very proud of my A2 results.
- Get an iPhone
YESSS :D
- Learn how to use my Nikon D5000 properly
Yup! Obviously still learning, but I know everything that is important to know now!
- Learn how to use ovens
Who'd have thought it?! But YES!
- LOSE! WEIGHT!
No. But I completed my first semester of university without GAINING weight, so major win there! And I feel more comfortable about my body now too, which is an even bigger win.
THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2010
- Spending the early hours of January 1st with awesome people.
It was a brilliant way to bring in 2010
- Young Americas
Again, totally amazing
- Ski Trip 2010
Amazing!!!
- Seeing Mika with Eliot :D
Great concert and a lovely 18th birthday pressie XD
- Going to the West Coast of the U S of A
Words. Cannot Describe. <3
- University
o;awkljsdgfnfs Better than I could have ever dreamed/hoped/imagined.
- HP & the DH film
YUCK. But that was to be expected I suppose -_-'
- The Hunger Games part 3
Could have been worse!
AIMS FOR 2011
- Get 1400 subscribers on my YouTube channel
- Get over my psychological issues with blue cheese
- Get over my psychological issues with raw fish
- Go to Yo Sushi after I have completed prior aim
- Get my tattoo done
- Get involved in the radio at my university
- Get the dermatillomania to fugoff
- Get at least a 2:1 in Media Arts and at least a 2:2 in Film and Popular Culture at the end of first year
- Still keep in touch with all my friends from home
- Go on some sort of holiday with friends
- Do lots of cooking/days out with Joe
- Vlog MUCH more regularly
- Get a wide angle or a fish eye lens for my camera
- Get a place with Simon, Simon, Lizzie and Hannah (unless Simon ends up going to Australia ofc)
- Turn 20 without having a nervous breakdown
- Buy something from the Abercrombie and Hollister store in Kingston XD
- Carry on learning to not be paranoid about what people think of me
THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2011
- My Chemical Romance with Simon!
- Les Mis with the other Simon!
- Getting a place with friends when we have to move out of halls
- Another 5 months in halls :D
- Making even more new friends at university
- More of my Media course
- Everything really. I'm just so excited about everything to come!
So there we go. Another year over. It's true, every year is going faster than the last. I can't help but believe that this has been the best year of my life. I hated the first 8 months, but looking back now I realise that if the events of those months hadn't have happened I wouldn't be where I am now. I'd be at a different university studying a different subject. The last three months have been so perfect that I wouldn't want to change anything prior to them for worry of adverse knock-on effects.
The only portion of 2010 that I would willingly change is four days in August (I blogged about them at the time) in which I was at an all time low. I could have done without those. I feel a bit upset just remembering how awful it was at the time. But they can't be changed, so it's not worth thinking about. And it all got sorted out in the end (as it always seems to ^^) so in 2011 I really want to just forget that and move on from it entirely (:
For once, I'm entirely content to sit and accept this past year. Everything that happened. Good and bad. It all resulted in this. Which is perfect.
PS...It's mega weird to think that the next time I read this will probably be at the end of 2011. 365 days will have gone by and I will be reading it like OMFG IT'S GONE SO FAST! And I'll be TWENTY. Future Jocy, seriously, please don't mature. That would be your biggest and most boring mistake ever.
Friday, 31 December 2010
Monday, 27 December 2010
10: a post on what you believe about death
Once you're dead you're dead.
That's the issue I have with some religious people I know; it's glaringly obvious that they're only religious because they're scared about what will happen after they die.
But I think that's it.
HOWEVER.
I do believe that when someone dies, there is left an imprint of the departed's soul. I don't think it's tangible, but I think that if that person had a big enough impact or influence on you, or on an area, or even the world, then the imprint on the earth can seem tangible. Maybe not tangible, but that it can really be there.
That's the issue I have with some religious people I know; it's glaringly obvious that they're only religious because they're scared about what will happen after they die.
But I think that's it.
HOWEVER.
I do believe that when someone dies, there is left an imprint of the departed's soul. I don't think it's tangible, but I think that if that person had a big enough impact or influence on you, or on an area, or even the world, then the imprint on the earth can seem tangible. Maybe not tangible, but that it can really be there.
Friday, 24 December 2010
A thought or three.
I genuinely think one of the WORST feelings in the WORLD is when you miss someone and know they don't miss you back.
But I think a really lovely feeling is knowing the people you miss also miss you.
Obviously missing people isn't a GOOD thing as such, but it's undeniably lovely knowing that someone whose presence you miss is also feeling the absence.
(':
But I think a really lovely feeling is knowing the people you miss also miss you.
Obviously missing people isn't a GOOD thing as such, but it's undeniably lovely knowing that someone whose presence you miss is also feeling the absence.
(':
Thursday, 16 December 2010
The silver lining
So here's what's going on in my life as of the last 24 hours.
Last night, I had a nightmare and woke up in a blind panic. In the nightmare I had submitted the wrong copy of my website and podcast (semester one Media project), the copy with the 3 html errors. This morning, I couldn't get the thought of it out of my brain, so I decided to double check the version I submitted. Lo and behold, it was the wrong copy, the one with the 3 html errors.
So to summarise: I had a nightmare about handing in the wrong Media work, and the nightmare reflected reality, because I had in fact handed in the wrong Media work.
So, despite it only being 3 minor errors (the html links still work, they just open in the same window as opposed to a new one), I decided straight away that tomorrow I would trek back to uni (around 2 hours and 3 trains) to fix them and hand in the new copy.
All day I have been beating myself up and huffing and puffing about the annoyance, stupidity, inconvenience.
Anyway, just now something occurred to me.
I must have so much passion for the subject if it LITERALLY kept me awake at night. For me to have that subconscious inkling, that knowing despite not technically knowing, I must REALLY love it.
I knew I loved it, same as I knew I would love it. But honestly, this happening has really made me realise how much I absolutely LOVE studying Media.
So I'm not seeing the trek back to university in the morning to fix this as a negative, I'm seeing it as a positive. Hard, evidential proof that I bloody love my subject.
More in depth blog on this, and my first semester, tomorrow.
Last night, I had a nightmare and woke up in a blind panic. In the nightmare I had submitted the wrong copy of my website and podcast (semester one Media project), the copy with the 3 html errors. This morning, I couldn't get the thought of it out of my brain, so I decided to double check the version I submitted. Lo and behold, it was the wrong copy, the one with the 3 html errors.
So to summarise: I had a nightmare about handing in the wrong Media work, and the nightmare reflected reality, because I had in fact handed in the wrong Media work.
So, despite it only being 3 minor errors (the html links still work, they just open in the same window as opposed to a new one), I decided straight away that tomorrow I would trek back to uni (around 2 hours and 3 trains) to fix them and hand in the new copy.
All day I have been beating myself up and huffing and puffing about the annoyance, stupidity, inconvenience.
Anyway, just now something occurred to me.
I must have so much passion for the subject if it LITERALLY kept me awake at night. For me to have that subconscious inkling, that knowing despite not technically knowing, I must REALLY love it.
I knew I loved it, same as I knew I would love it. But honestly, this happening has really made me realise how much I absolutely LOVE studying Media.
So I'm not seeing the trek back to university in the morning to fix this as a negative, I'm seeing it as a positive. Hard, evidential proof that I bloody love my subject.
More in depth blog on this, and my first semester, tomorrow.
09: a post on your biggest insecurity, and why you feel that way.
I don't know what my biggest insecurity is.
I go through phases in which I think it's my body. And that I'm the fattest person in the world. And that I'm really ugly. And unphotogenic. And just generally hideously unattractive. But then most of the time I feel fine about my body; that yes, I could be thinner. But that I'm by no stretch of the imagination obese gigantic. That of course there's girls that are prettier than me, but that I could also look much, much worse.
Sometimes, I think my biggest insecurity is my personality. That I'm too loud and too annoying and too weird and too interested in silly things that people don't care about and that people are always talking about me and that no boy will ever fancy me. But most of the time I feel confident in my personality; that yes, I'm quirky and have different interests to lots of people, but that there's also many who think I'm a bit cool. To be honest I do actually feel...dare I say it...SECURE in my personality. I know that I don't go out of my way to upset people. I know that I enjoy making people laugh and helping my friends with their problems and I know that I make friends easily and I know that people like to be around me. Obviously, personality is a matter of taste, and there will be lots of people who don't like the sort of person I am, but I know I have lots of amazing friends who do.
So what's my biggest insecurity?
I suppose my biggest insecurity is the fact that my brain is temperamental. I worry constantly that the happiness I feel at the moment won't last. I'm not yet used to the carefree-ness I feel at the moment to entirely relax, because I always have the back at my mind that things might go back to how they once were.
I go through phases in which I think it's my body. And that I'm the fattest person in the world. And that I'm really ugly. And unphotogenic. And just generally hideously unattractive. But then most of the time I feel fine about my body; that yes, I could be thinner. But that I'm by no stretch of the imagination obese gigantic. That of course there's girls that are prettier than me, but that I could also look much, much worse.
Sometimes, I think my biggest insecurity is my personality. That I'm too loud and too annoying and too weird and too interested in silly things that people don't care about and that people are always talking about me and that no boy will ever fancy me. But most of the time I feel confident in my personality; that yes, I'm quirky and have different interests to lots of people, but that there's also many who think I'm a bit cool. To be honest I do actually feel...dare I say it...SECURE in my personality. I know that I don't go out of my way to upset people. I know that I enjoy making people laugh and helping my friends with their problems and I know that I make friends easily and I know that people like to be around me. Obviously, personality is a matter of taste, and there will be lots of people who don't like the sort of person I am, but I know I have lots of amazing friends who do.
So what's my biggest insecurity?
I suppose my biggest insecurity is the fact that my brain is temperamental. I worry constantly that the happiness I feel at the moment won't last. I'm not yet used to the carefree-ness I feel at the moment to entirely relax, because I always have the back at my mind that things might go back to how they once were.
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
08: a picture of yourself in your underwear.
No. But here's a really pretty slush puppy that I had in April.
Monday, 13 December 2010
Sunday, 12 December 2010
07: a post on what exactly you think love is.
I think love is centered around the meaning of one word: unconditional.
I believe you truly love someone when your feelings for them are unconditional. They can mess up and upset you, and however pissed off and sad and fed up you feel, you still love them. You might not even want to love them, but you do. That's what I think love is. When nothing someone does is terrible enough to stop you from loving them. I believe the love stops when they do something that crosses the line into something that you just can't look past. Because then, your feelings for them aren't unconditional for them anymore because there's a condition.
I think this sort of love can be for family, friends or otherwise. You can have unconditional love for anyone.
I also think that love is to do with soul mates. And I don't believe that soul mates can only be romantic. A soul mate is when you find someone who is a part of you, and when you're not with them you can notice the gap. Best friends can be soul mates. That's also love.
I believe you truly love someone when your feelings for them are unconditional. They can mess up and upset you, and however pissed off and sad and fed up you feel, you still love them. You might not even want to love them, but you do. That's what I think love is. When nothing someone does is terrible enough to stop you from loving them. I believe the love stops when they do something that crosses the line into something that you just can't look past. Because then, your feelings for them aren't unconditional for them anymore because there's a condition.
I think this sort of love can be for family, friends or otherwise. You can have unconditional love for anyone.
I also think that love is to do with soul mates. And I don't believe that soul mates can only be romantic. A soul mate is when you find someone who is a part of you, and when you're not with them you can notice the gap. Best friends can be soul mates. That's also love.
Saturday, 11 December 2010
06: something you couldn’t honestly live without, and why.
I couldn't honestly live without my friends.
Big fat cliche?
Yes. But cliches wouldn't be cliches if lots of people didn't believe them to be true.
I always knew I was friend-centered. Don't get me wrong, I'm really, really close to my family. I'm lucky in the my parents are together and all my grandparents are around and I see everyone often. But I think that's why I'm so friend orientated. I never have to second thought that my family are there. I've never been one to get homesick, or to really miss my family when I'm away from home. I used to feel guilty about that, but since coming to university I have realised that it's because I know that they are always there, even when I don't see them every day. And I know that when I get home, things will go on as if I've never left.
With my friends, not being around them tears me up inside. That sounds SO over dramatic, but honestly, read my blogs from the end of the summer and you'll see how much lack of communication with two of my friends for a mere two weeks messed me up. I couldn't function properly, I wasn't eating or sleeping and I felt completely low. It sounds pathetic. Really pathetic. But I just need to know that my friends are there. I know it's paranoia (or at least, I used to think/hope it was only paranoia - now I do wonder) because of the worry that I'd get "replaced" or something stupid like that. Hence why I don't get that worked up about my family - I know they won't replace me.
But yeah, the reason I know I couldn't live without my friends is because of my sheer happy levels since coming to university. Living this close to so many friends has always been a dream of mine, especially as I always lived in a small town, only close to one or two of them. I need to be around people my own age to get the most out of myself, because I thrive off of the interaction. Plus, as much as I'd never have admitted it before uni, I get really, really lonely. I'm independent when it comes to making choices and doing what I want to do with my life, but I'm so, so dependent on my friends.
So yes. I couldn't live without my friends. They're amazing, the old and the new ones. One of my favourite things about university is that I've met people who I know I'll never have to ever live without. (:
Big fat cliche?
Yes. But cliches wouldn't be cliches if lots of people didn't believe them to be true.
I always knew I was friend-centered. Don't get me wrong, I'm really, really close to my family. I'm lucky in the my parents are together and all my grandparents are around and I see everyone often. But I think that's why I'm so friend orientated. I never have to second thought that my family are there. I've never been one to get homesick, or to really miss my family when I'm away from home. I used to feel guilty about that, but since coming to university I have realised that it's because I know that they are always there, even when I don't see them every day. And I know that when I get home, things will go on as if I've never left.
With my friends, not being around them tears me up inside. That sounds SO over dramatic, but honestly, read my blogs from the end of the summer and you'll see how much lack of communication with two of my friends for a mere two weeks messed me up. I couldn't function properly, I wasn't eating or sleeping and I felt completely low. It sounds pathetic. Really pathetic. But I just need to know that my friends are there. I know it's paranoia (or at least, I used to think/hope it was only paranoia - now I do wonder) because of the worry that I'd get "replaced" or something stupid like that. Hence why I don't get that worked up about my family - I know they won't replace me.
But yeah, the reason I know I couldn't live without my friends is because of my sheer happy levels since coming to university. Living this close to so many friends has always been a dream of mine, especially as I always lived in a small town, only close to one or two of them. I need to be around people my own age to get the most out of myself, because I thrive off of the interaction. Plus, as much as I'd never have admitted it before uni, I get really, really lonely. I'm independent when it comes to making choices and doing what I want to do with my life, but I'm so, so dependent on my friends.
So yes. I couldn't live without my friends. They're amazing, the old and the new ones. One of my favourite things about university is that I've met people who I know I'll never have to ever live without. (:
Thursday, 9 December 2010
05: a paragraph about your best friend(s).
Best friend #1
We became best friends as soon as we started talking. And we got closer and closer and I thought we were inseparable. To be fair, we were inseparable for years. It's only the past 3 weeks that I've started to wonder. I love him to absolute pieces and I miss him every day. And every day I worry and worry that it's not mutual. And every day I feel guilty because I am coping despite having this worry. Before university, this worry would have sent me into a state of god knows what. The fact that I'm actually marginally okay that he hasn't texted back in weeks makes me feel terrible. I shouldn't be able to cope without him. But however well I'm coping without him, I love him more than I love the majority of people on this planet, and I so, so badly need to see him soon.
Best friend #2
This person, I do believe, is my oldest friend. We became close at the age of 14, and have remained close for the last 5 years also. I really feel our friendship is proven in the fact that despite living so far apart, we still have always made an effort to keep in contact. Out of all my best friends, it's with him that I've had the most turbulent ride, as on many aspects of life we don't have the same views, outlooks and morals. But I know that we always have and always will love each other to pieces. He knows me down to a T, and I have no doubt that he'll always be in my life.
Best friend #3
If it wasn't for this girl I have no idea where I would be today. Literally. It's thanks to her that I found the university course I'm on, thanks to her that I applied for it and thanks to her that I got accepted on to it. Honestly, she'll never know how much she saved me.
Best friend #4
It's strange that I'm considering someone I've known less than three months as a best friend. But she definitely is. I can tell her everything, and believe that it's mutual. We're like minded and can relate to one another, without being too alike that it gets annoying. I love her honesty, and how I know that if I ask her something I'm going to hear the truth, however harsh that may be. Everyone needs a best friend like that.
Best friend #5
Again, I've known her less than three months, but she's still most certainly one of my best friends. I have so much admiration for how she's so far from home, from her family and from her boyfriend, yet coping so well. I love how thoughtful she is and how she bought me tea and cake and a chocolate digestive when she heard I was upset. Few people make me laugh as much as she does, and I can't wait to live with her next year.
Best friend #6
I don't think I've ever become best friends with someone as fast as I did with this person. Honestly, after two minutes of knowing him, straight after he made a twisted joke about my religion, I knew we'd be close. We open up to each other so much, and I know the trust is mutual. He's perfect in that he can switch between outrageously immature and hilarious to the ideal person to have a deep chat with. I'm entirely positive that he's my friend for life.
Best friend #7
Every single day me and this person are amazed at how much we have in common. I love so, so much that he reads me like a book and knows how my head works. I don't have to explain things to him. "You can't bullshit a bullshitter", as he aptly puts it. From our music taste, to our academics, to our favourite foods, to our outlooks, we're incredibly similar. I really feel that meeting this person was fate, and that if we hadn't have met at university we would have met somewhere else across the line. I'm so glad we live close to each other back home as well as here.
Best friend #8
I have so much respect for this person. She's so hardworking and dedicated to her studies, yet she's hilarious and sociable and lovely. I wish I could achieve such a perfect balance as her. I love how she refuses to have regrets, and I love how openminded she is about religion, despite being religious herself. I love her a lot, and as mentioned before, hold a lot of respect for her.
We became best friends as soon as we started talking. And we got closer and closer and I thought we were inseparable. To be fair, we were inseparable for years. It's only the past 3 weeks that I've started to wonder. I love him to absolute pieces and I miss him every day. And every day I worry and worry that it's not mutual. And every day I feel guilty because I am coping despite having this worry. Before university, this worry would have sent me into a state of god knows what. The fact that I'm actually marginally okay that he hasn't texted back in weeks makes me feel terrible. I shouldn't be able to cope without him. But however well I'm coping without him, I love him more than I love the majority of people on this planet, and I so, so badly need to see him soon.
Best friend #2
This person, I do believe, is my oldest friend. We became close at the age of 14, and have remained close for the last 5 years also. I really feel our friendship is proven in the fact that despite living so far apart, we still have always made an effort to keep in contact. Out of all my best friends, it's with him that I've had the most turbulent ride, as on many aspects of life we don't have the same views, outlooks and morals. But I know that we always have and always will love each other to pieces. He knows me down to a T, and I have no doubt that he'll always be in my life.
Best friend #3
If it wasn't for this girl I have no idea where I would be today. Literally. It's thanks to her that I found the university course I'm on, thanks to her that I applied for it and thanks to her that I got accepted on to it. Honestly, she'll never know how much she saved me.
Best friend #4
It's strange that I'm considering someone I've known less than three months as a best friend. But she definitely is. I can tell her everything, and believe that it's mutual. We're like minded and can relate to one another, without being too alike that it gets annoying. I love her honesty, and how I know that if I ask her something I'm going to hear the truth, however harsh that may be. Everyone needs a best friend like that.
Best friend #5
Again, I've known her less than three months, but she's still most certainly one of my best friends. I have so much admiration for how she's so far from home, from her family and from her boyfriend, yet coping so well. I love how thoughtful she is and how she bought me tea and cake and a chocolate digestive when she heard I was upset. Few people make me laugh as much as she does, and I can't wait to live with her next year.
Best friend #6
I don't think I've ever become best friends with someone as fast as I did with this person. Honestly, after two minutes of knowing him, straight after he made a twisted joke about my religion, I knew we'd be close. We open up to each other so much, and I know the trust is mutual. He's perfect in that he can switch between outrageously immature and hilarious to the ideal person to have a deep chat with. I'm entirely positive that he's my friend for life.
Best friend #7
Every single day me and this person are amazed at how much we have in common. I love so, so much that he reads me like a book and knows how my head works. I don't have to explain things to him. "You can't bullshit a bullshitter", as he aptly puts it. From our music taste, to our academics, to our favourite foods, to our outlooks, we're incredibly similar. I really feel that meeting this person was fate, and that if we hadn't have met at university we would have met somewhere else across the line. I'm so glad we live close to each other back home as well as here.
Best friend #8
I have so much respect for this person. She's so hardworking and dedicated to her studies, yet she's hilarious and sociable and lovely. I wish I could achieve such a perfect balance as her. I love how she refuses to have regrets, and I love how openminded she is about religion, despite being religious herself. I love her a lot, and as mentioned before, hold a lot of respect for her.
Friday, 3 December 2010
4: a picture of you doing something random.
This is me making a snow angel at about half midnight on Wednesday morning. We had been in Spoons all evening using up the vouchers as it was the last day they were valid, and when we left the snow had finally settled on campus ^^
03: a post owning up to something bad you’ve done.
I went to see Britney Spears in concert.
*hangs head in shame*
*hangs head in shame*
Monday, 29 November 2010
02: a post of 20 things you find attractive on the opposite sex.
1. Good sense of humour
2. Intelligence
3. Spontaneity
4. Protectiveness
5. The balance between mature and immature, and the ability to switch between the two when need be
6. Similar (at least) music taste to me
7. Trustworthy
8. Kind
9. Ambition
10. Appreciation of the little things in life (views from bridges at night, going to the seaside, etc)
11. Tolerance of my taste in films
12. Good taste in shoes
13. Loyalty
14. Texting me lots/making a general effort
15. Knowing about my favourite things
16. Flow-y conversation
17. Encouraging but realistic
18. Hilarious
19. Good listener
20. Doesn't take life too seriously, but takes it seriously enough
2. Intelligence
3. Spontaneity
4. Protectiveness
5. The balance between mature and immature, and the ability to switch between the two when need be
6. Similar (at least) music taste to me
7. Trustworthy
8. Kind
9. Ambition
10. Appreciation of the little things in life (views from bridges at night, going to the seaside, etc)
11. Tolerance of my taste in films
12. Good taste in shoes
13. Loyalty
14. Texting me lots/making a general effort
15. Knowing about my favourite things
16. Flow-y conversation
17. Encouraging but realistic
18. Hilarious
19. Good listener
20. Doesn't take life too seriously, but takes it seriously enough
01: a post of 10 of things you love, and 10 things you hate.
Love:
1. University
2. Travelling the world
3. Ice cream
4. Laughing till my tummy hurts
5. Best friends
6. Foreign food, particularly Mediterranean, Indian, Chinese and Mexican
7. Taking photos
8. YouTube
9. Harry Potter
10. Cherry Carmex
Hate:
1. Attention seekers
2. Celery
3. Writing in pencil
4. Missing people
5. Dull weather
6. Lies
7. Bad news
8. Chipped nail varnish
9. Narrow mindedness
10. Failed plans
1. University
2. Travelling the world
3. Ice cream
4. Laughing till my tummy hurts
5. Best friends
6. Foreign food, particularly Mediterranean, Indian, Chinese and Mexican
7. Taking photos
8. YouTube
9. Harry Potter
10. Cherry Carmex
Hate:
1. Attention seekers
2. Celery
3. Writing in pencil
4. Missing people
5. Dull weather
6. Lies
7. Bad news
8. Chipped nail varnish
9. Narrow mindedness
10. Failed plans
This is what I'm going to do.
So I saw people posting these on Tumblr so naturally I didn't want to do it on Tumblr, I wanted to do it on Blogspot instead. So this is what I am going to do!
01: a post of 10 of things you love, and 10 things you hate.
02: a post of 20 things you find attractive on the opposite sex.
03: a post owning up to something bad you’ve done.
04: a picture of you doing something random.
05: a paragraph about your best friend(s).
06: something you couldn’t honestly live without, and why.
07: a post on what exactly you think love is.
08: a picture of yourself in your underwear.
09: a post on your biggest insecurity, and why you feel that way.
10: a post on what you believe about death
To be continued...
01: a post of 10 of things you love, and 10 things you hate.
02: a post of 20 things you find attractive on the opposite sex.
03: a post owning up to something bad you’ve done.
04: a picture of you doing something random.
05: a paragraph about your best friend(s).
06: something you couldn’t honestly live without, and why.
07: a post on what exactly you think love is.
08: a picture of yourself in your underwear.
09: a post on your biggest insecurity, and why you feel that way.
10: a post on what you believe about death
To be continued...
Saturday, 20 November 2010
So I just saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt 1...
Spoiler warning is warning you.
This is not a review and it is probably not going to be massively coherent or eloquent.
They missed out too much. I'm sorry, but some of the stuff that was missed out was just SO important, maybe not to the plot progression or actual storyline itself, but DEFINITELY to the characters and their personalities and interactions. Seriously. I'm actually fuming. Here is some things that have been missed out that I am really, really angry about:
- Harry's goodbyes to the Dursley's at the beginning. In the book, we really see Dudley in a better light. This begins when we find out that there is a cup of cold tea outside Harry's door. Harry initially thinks that it's a prank from Dudley, but when his cousin shakes his hand and wishes him luck when he says goodbye, we find that Dudley is not as much of a dick as we have thought. This is SO important, because a MAJOR theme in the Harry Potter is love and friendship, and I feel these gestures from Dudley display both of these themes in a less traditional and obvious way. The film missing them out is just criminal in my opinion.
- Erm, hello, HEDWIG DIED. In the film this goes COMPLETELY unmentioned. Oh, I'm sorry, Harry says at one point, "It was Hedwig, she was trying to protect me." But this was AFTER she was KILLED. That owl has been a MOTIF for trust and reliability and love since the very first day in the magical world. But the film literally just showed her be killed. And that is it. I don't think I need to say any more about this. I'm very upset that this wasn't considered important by the filmmakers.
- Moody's death being BARELY acknowledged. In the book they drink Firewhisky to his name, because that's what he'd have wanted them to do. In the film, I think his death was mentioned in passing like twice. But come on, he's a MAJOR character. You can't just do NOTHING when a major character dies. Seriously.
- Grimmauld Place. If I remember correctly (which I do.) in Sirius' room Ron and Harry and Hermione are meant to find lots of important things, including half a letter from Lily to Sirius (the one thanking him for the toy broom with a photo of Harry riding it included). This is used to piece together things about the story later on in the book. No mention of it whatsoever. Additionally, when they enter the house there are meant to be loads of anti-intruder jinxes on various parts of the hallway. They KIND OF captured the essence of this with the hologrammy think of Dumbledore, but not really. That could have been a really good way of genuinely making the film worthy of its 12A rating. Although I'm guessing they missed it out because the suspense and impact would have just been too scary. However, I was looking forward to seeing how that bit was done, but to no avail because it was pretty much entirely missed out.
- Luna's ceiling. In the book, when visiting Xenophilius Lovegood's house for information about the Deathly Hallows, they go upstairs to Luna's room and see that she has painted an enormous mural of the Dumbledore's Army crew on her ceiling and the word "Friends" is repeated over and over, in the form of a rope tying them all together. This, for me anyway, is the bit when we get a REAL sense of the group as a unit, and is a reminder that even though only the trio are there, everyone else is with them too. It also makes it all the more meaningful when they rescue Luna from the cellar at Malfoy's house. Missing this out took away from all of that, not to mention completely depleted the level of tragedy we feel when Xenophilius says that Luna has been taken.
- Ron's panic when Hermione is getting tortured. There were a few good things about this scene, but the one bit I was REALLY hoping they'd keep in was when (as described in the book) Ron is listening to Hermione's screaming and he goes hysterical, banging against the cellar walls and screaming her name. They missed this out. The only reaction we got from him was that they had to save her, or something equally nothingy. I really wanted to see Ron's sheer terror, because I think this would have played up his love for her.
- Harry carving Dobby's plaque. Okay, fair enough, we saw Harry dig Dobby's grave by hand. I won't bang on about how TERRIBLE Dan's acting was at this point, because that is for a bit later. But it is SO intense to read the bit when Harry carves "Here lies Dobby, a Free Elf". It is the ULTIMATE mark of respect. And the bit when they all go round and say a few words about Dobby, including Luna. But no, despite the fact that Dobby saved Luna too, we don't even get to see her pay her final respects with Ron and Harry and Hermione. To me, that just makes no sense and COMPLETELY goes against Luna's personality.
Okay, so those are the main bits that I felt being missed out REALLY took away from major things in the book. But my qualms don't stop there. Oh no. Here are some MORE things that annoyed me about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt 1:
1. Jason Isaac's acting at the beginning. The scene at the table when Voldemort takes Lucius' wand. He just acted it SO feebly. It wasn't stuttery in an "I'm pooping my pants" way. It was stuttery in a "I really can't be arsed with this scene" way. It seemed SO forced and amateur to me. I'm not an expert. I just thought that bit was crap.
2. The casting of Xenophilius Lovegood. I don't know who the guy who plays him is. But he was not how I imagined him at ALL. I wanted him to be eccentric and jolly and mad. This man was just a bit bizarre, but in a bland way. I think he was rubbish.
3. The fact that George didn't even lose his ear. Yes, they made the "holy/holey" joke. But his ear was still there. So it didn't make any sense. That's just bloody stupid. Why would they even change that? What the hell is the point? How hard would it have been to just FOLLOW THE BOOK FOR ONCE IN THEIR LIVES?
4. Emma Watson's acting. In the Half Blood Prince, I finally thought she acted as Hermione. Alas, it all went out the window in this film. Out came her eyebrows again. She just didn't put any OOMPH into any of her lines. The one when I noticed it the most was when Ron returned. In the book she literally attacks him and if I remember rightly when she says "YOU ABSOLUTE ARSE!" it is CAPITALISED. This denotes SHOUTING. ANGER. PASSION. In the film she just half-heartedly tapped him with his backpack (which she very gently took off of him) and then said in a slightly raised voice that he was an arse. Pathetic.
Now, don't get me wrong, there were some bits I really liked in the film. Here they are:
- Hermione Obliviating her parents. I admit it, I cried. It was extremely touching. I loved the way they got photos of Emma when she was a baby and erased her from them when she cast the spell. It was beautiful.
- Harry and Hermione dancing together in the tent. I found this absolutely adorable, I thought it was a brilliant symbolisation of how much they love eachother and look after one another. It was hilarious and adorable and Dan really shone. I also liked how at the end of their little "moment" Hermione looks straight at Harry and you just get the sense of her thinking "But he isn't Ron" and then she turned away. It was really well pulled off. (However I would have preferred that they gave this a miss and actually put something in that Jo herself actually wrote in the book the film was based on. Just sayin'.)
- The torture scene with Hermione and Bellatrix. Okay, granted, it wasn't EXACTLY as described in the book. And they did miss the bit out that I mentioned before. But I think this was one scene in which Emma acted AMAZINGLY. I know she only had about 5 seconds of speech (she says that she didn't steal the sword from anyone and then she just screams) but I really FELT like she was terrified. Really convincing acting, and her screaming set my teeth on edge and gave me goosebumps.
- The scenery during the Prolonged Camping Trip. It was stunning. 'Nuff said.
- Bathilda Bagshot's house, and when she transforms into Nagini. Aside from this scene being a tad too short in my opinion, it was exactly how I imagined it from the description in the book.
Thoughts gathered:
I didn't like the film very much. But saying that, I don't think I've liked ANY of the films on first viewing. I always see them twice, and second time round I try to not watch the critically. So as of right now, I'm unimpressed and disappointed. And to quote my friend Tasha who summed up my feelings perfectly, I feel "robbed". When the film finished I didn't feel like I'd seen the first half of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I felt like it had been a huge anti-climax. Saying that, I can pinpoint bits that I did like. And emotionally, a few bits got me. Overall, I think it was probably a classic book to film scenario; as a film it might have been okay, but as a film adaptation of a book it was poor. And my loyalty will ALWAYS be with the books. So I find the films somewhat difficult. I hope that when I watch it for a second time I can properly detach it from the book and enjoy it for what it is, because I think then I might enjoy it.
This is not a review and it is probably not going to be massively coherent or eloquent.
They missed out too much. I'm sorry, but some of the stuff that was missed out was just SO important, maybe not to the plot progression or actual storyline itself, but DEFINITELY to the characters and their personalities and interactions. Seriously. I'm actually fuming. Here is some things that have been missed out that I am really, really angry about:
- Harry's goodbyes to the Dursley's at the beginning. In the book, we really see Dudley in a better light. This begins when we find out that there is a cup of cold tea outside Harry's door. Harry initially thinks that it's a prank from Dudley, but when his cousin shakes his hand and wishes him luck when he says goodbye, we find that Dudley is not as much of a dick as we have thought. This is SO important, because a MAJOR theme in the Harry Potter is love and friendship, and I feel these gestures from Dudley display both of these themes in a less traditional and obvious way. The film missing them out is just criminal in my opinion.
- Erm, hello, HEDWIG DIED. In the film this goes COMPLETELY unmentioned. Oh, I'm sorry, Harry says at one point, "It was Hedwig, she was trying to protect me." But this was AFTER she was KILLED. That owl has been a MOTIF for trust and reliability and love since the very first day in the magical world. But the film literally just showed her be killed. And that is it. I don't think I need to say any more about this. I'm very upset that this wasn't considered important by the filmmakers.
- Moody's death being BARELY acknowledged. In the book they drink Firewhisky to his name, because that's what he'd have wanted them to do. In the film, I think his death was mentioned in passing like twice. But come on, he's a MAJOR character. You can't just do NOTHING when a major character dies. Seriously.
- Grimmauld Place. If I remember correctly (which I do.) in Sirius' room Ron and Harry and Hermione are meant to find lots of important things, including half a letter from Lily to Sirius (the one thanking him for the toy broom with a photo of Harry riding it included). This is used to piece together things about the story later on in the book. No mention of it whatsoever. Additionally, when they enter the house there are meant to be loads of anti-intruder jinxes on various parts of the hallway. They KIND OF captured the essence of this with the hologrammy think of Dumbledore, but not really. That could have been a really good way of genuinely making the film worthy of its 12A rating. Although I'm guessing they missed it out because the suspense and impact would have just been too scary. However, I was looking forward to seeing how that bit was done, but to no avail because it was pretty much entirely missed out.
- Luna's ceiling. In the book, when visiting Xenophilius Lovegood's house for information about the Deathly Hallows, they go upstairs to Luna's room and see that she has painted an enormous mural of the Dumbledore's Army crew on her ceiling and the word "Friends" is repeated over and over, in the form of a rope tying them all together. This, for me anyway, is the bit when we get a REAL sense of the group as a unit, and is a reminder that even though only the trio are there, everyone else is with them too. It also makes it all the more meaningful when they rescue Luna from the cellar at Malfoy's house. Missing this out took away from all of that, not to mention completely depleted the level of tragedy we feel when Xenophilius says that Luna has been taken.
- Ron's panic when Hermione is getting tortured. There were a few good things about this scene, but the one bit I was REALLY hoping they'd keep in was when (as described in the book) Ron is listening to Hermione's screaming and he goes hysterical, banging against the cellar walls and screaming her name. They missed this out. The only reaction we got from him was that they had to save her, or something equally nothingy. I really wanted to see Ron's sheer terror, because I think this would have played up his love for her.
- Harry carving Dobby's plaque. Okay, fair enough, we saw Harry dig Dobby's grave by hand. I won't bang on about how TERRIBLE Dan's acting was at this point, because that is for a bit later. But it is SO intense to read the bit when Harry carves "Here lies Dobby, a Free Elf". It is the ULTIMATE mark of respect. And the bit when they all go round and say a few words about Dobby, including Luna. But no, despite the fact that Dobby saved Luna too, we don't even get to see her pay her final respects with Ron and Harry and Hermione. To me, that just makes no sense and COMPLETELY goes against Luna's personality.
Okay, so those are the main bits that I felt being missed out REALLY took away from major things in the book. But my qualms don't stop there. Oh no. Here are some MORE things that annoyed me about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt 1:
1. Jason Isaac's acting at the beginning. The scene at the table when Voldemort takes Lucius' wand. He just acted it SO feebly. It wasn't stuttery in an "I'm pooping my pants" way. It was stuttery in a "I really can't be arsed with this scene" way. It seemed SO forced and amateur to me. I'm not an expert. I just thought that bit was crap.
2. The casting of Xenophilius Lovegood. I don't know who the guy who plays him is. But he was not how I imagined him at ALL. I wanted him to be eccentric and jolly and mad. This man was just a bit bizarre, but in a bland way. I think he was rubbish.
3. The fact that George didn't even lose his ear. Yes, they made the "holy/holey" joke. But his ear was still there. So it didn't make any sense. That's just bloody stupid. Why would they even change that? What the hell is the point? How hard would it have been to just FOLLOW THE BOOK FOR ONCE IN THEIR LIVES?
4. Emma Watson's acting. In the Half Blood Prince, I finally thought she acted as Hermione. Alas, it all went out the window in this film. Out came her eyebrows again. She just didn't put any OOMPH into any of her lines. The one when I noticed it the most was when Ron returned. In the book she literally attacks him and if I remember rightly when she says "YOU ABSOLUTE ARSE!" it is CAPITALISED. This denotes SHOUTING. ANGER. PASSION. In the film she just half-heartedly tapped him with his backpack (which she very gently took off of him) and then said in a slightly raised voice that he was an arse. Pathetic.
Now, don't get me wrong, there were some bits I really liked in the film. Here they are:
- Hermione Obliviating her parents. I admit it, I cried. It was extremely touching. I loved the way they got photos of Emma when she was a baby and erased her from them when she cast the spell. It was beautiful.
- Harry and Hermione dancing together in the tent. I found this absolutely adorable, I thought it was a brilliant symbolisation of how much they love eachother and look after one another. It was hilarious and adorable and Dan really shone. I also liked how at the end of their little "moment" Hermione looks straight at Harry and you just get the sense of her thinking "But he isn't Ron" and then she turned away. It was really well pulled off. (However I would have preferred that they gave this a miss and actually put something in that Jo herself actually wrote in the book the film was based on. Just sayin'.)
- The torture scene with Hermione and Bellatrix. Okay, granted, it wasn't EXACTLY as described in the book. And they did miss the bit out that I mentioned before. But I think this was one scene in which Emma acted AMAZINGLY. I know she only had about 5 seconds of speech (she says that she didn't steal the sword from anyone and then she just screams) but I really FELT like she was terrified. Really convincing acting, and her screaming set my teeth on edge and gave me goosebumps.
- The scenery during the Prolonged Camping Trip. It was stunning. 'Nuff said.
- Bathilda Bagshot's house, and when she transforms into Nagini. Aside from this scene being a tad too short in my opinion, it was exactly how I imagined it from the description in the book.
Thoughts gathered:
I didn't like the film very much. But saying that, I don't think I've liked ANY of the films on first viewing. I always see them twice, and second time round I try to not watch the critically. So as of right now, I'm unimpressed and disappointed. And to quote my friend Tasha who summed up my feelings perfectly, I feel "robbed". When the film finished I didn't feel like I'd seen the first half of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I felt like it had been a huge anti-climax. Saying that, I can pinpoint bits that I did like. And emotionally, a few bits got me. Overall, I think it was probably a classic book to film scenario; as a film it might have been okay, but as a film adaptation of a book it was poor. And my loyalty will ALWAYS be with the books. So I find the films somewhat difficult. I hope that when I watch it for a second time I can properly detach it from the book and enjoy it for what it is, because I think then I might enjoy it.
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
I'm in a horrendously boring lecture. It's for Film and Popular Culture and we are being shown an extract of some film from Asia (not sure which part) but it's subtitled and I'm sitting right at the back and can't see the subtitles. So, blog! :D
Uni is still going insanely well (aside from this subject but what can do xD) and I have made the best friends everrrrrr.
For example I am currently sitting between the two Simons (yes there are two
Simons and we are all friends, confusing? Sometimes). In fact in case either of them is reading this over my shoulder then HELLO :D
But yes, everything is somewhat wonderful. I don't feel like I've only known everyone for LESS THAN TWO MONTHS. It seems like yeeeears, but I suppose that's because we spend all day most days together. I love that though.
Ever since I was 5 and read The Naughtiest Girl In The School
I always wanted to go to boarding school. And then what with Hogwarts and stuff I just ALWAYS thought it would be amazing. And now it feels like I'm at boarding school! Our halls are catered so we all go for meals together and it's actually like being in an Enid Blyton book xD
I know I said it in my last post, but university is like, a billion times better than I thought/dared to hope it would be. I've been here nearly two months now and no disappointment has set in whatsoever. The main thing I wanted to do was to come here and meet amazing people that I will be friends with for life. The other thing I wanted to do was to study Media at last and for all the UCAS stress and wasted time at Drama auditions to seem worth it. I'm doing both of these things.
The last 7 and a half weeks have been the best of my life. I get to spend all day every day with the best people ever. I get to have late nights and late mornings. I get to be independent. I get to go out when I want, where I want. I am having the time of my life.
Uni is still going insanely well (aside from this subject but what can do xD) and I have made the best friends everrrrrr.
For example I am currently sitting between the two Simons (yes there are two
Simons and we are all friends, confusing? Sometimes). In fact in case either of them is reading this over my shoulder then HELLO :D
But yes, everything is somewhat wonderful. I don't feel like I've only known everyone for LESS THAN TWO MONTHS. It seems like yeeeears, but I suppose that's because we spend all day most days together. I love that though.
Ever since I was 5 and read The Naughtiest Girl In The School
I always wanted to go to boarding school. And then what with Hogwarts and stuff I just ALWAYS thought it would be amazing. And now it feels like I'm at boarding school! Our halls are catered so we all go for meals together and it's actually like being in an Enid Blyton book xD
I know I said it in my last post, but university is like, a billion times better than I thought/dared to hope it would be. I've been here nearly two months now and no disappointment has set in whatsoever. The main thing I wanted to do was to come here and meet amazing people that I will be friends with for life. The other thing I wanted to do was to study Media at last and for all the UCAS stress and wasted time at Drama auditions to seem worth it. I'm doing both of these things.
The last 7 and a half weeks have been the best of my life. I get to spend all day every day with the best people ever. I get to have late nights and late mornings. I get to be independent. I get to go out when I want, where I want. I am having the time of my life.
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Pinch me.
I'M AT UNIVERSITY.
Ohgod. Just writing that makes me freak out. It's just...I've said it so much over the past week...SURREAL. It's just surreal. Things like this DO NOT HAPPEN. Well they do, but you just don't think they ever will. I'm not explaining myself properly. What I mean is, that I always KNEW I'd go to university. I always knew one day the day would come when I had got into a university and I would be going to it. But, that day always seemed in the unforeseeable future. The summer was endless. I would spend the summer getting ready for university. At the end of that summer, I would go to university. But that summer was endless so what did after summer matter?
But alas, here I am at university. I have been here for nine days now. I have had the absolute, categorical time of my life. I waited for this for so, so long. I really did not like sixth form. University was the light at the end of the tunnel. And now I'm here. In the run up to university (I have said this many times on this blog) I didn't feel at all nervous; just absolutely, ridiculously excited. This scared me for two reasons. I took for granted that because I wasn't nervous in the build up, I would completely freak out when I did get here at last. I also took for granted that because I was so excited, it would be a letdown and a disappointment.
Neither of these things came to light. I have not had a freak out yet, and so far it has been everything I hoped plus a billion times more.
As someone who doesn't really drink and isn't a massive partier, I was very worried about that side of university life. I didn't want to be the only one not doing those things, nor did I want to get roped into stuff I didn't feel comfortable with. As it happens, I have met the most incredible group of people who are absolutely like-minded to me. I cruised through sixth form without a solid, definitive friendship group, and as much as I pretended it didn't bother me, I hated it. Within a day of being at university I had slotted perfectly into a group of people. We all (bar a couple, who come and visit all the time) live in the same halls, and we spend the majority of our waking hours together. We have only known eachother for just over a week, but because we've been in such close quarters, we've become close unbelievably fast. It's what I've needed for so, so long. I feel on top of the world, my self-confidence is the highest it's been in years and I'm surrounded by some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I thought people were exaggerating a bit when they told me that I would meet my friends of life at university, but I can already see that this is true.
It all hits me when I think about our living conditions; we're in halls of residence, which is basically on-campus accommodation. In my halls we have our own rooms with an en-suite and then there's kitchens dotted around that we share. I realised yesterday that we have lived without any adult input for over a week. This may sound trivial, but for people who have left home for the first time, it is a massive deal! Yet we haven't even significantly noticed this, because of how we've settled in. I feel completely at home here. I adore how I have my friends constantly a few meters at most away from me. It's amazing. For example, at 1 this morning (It's about 2am now) I wrote my friend Michael, who lives in the room opposite me, a note and put it under his door. We communicated this way for half an hour, not actually seeing eachother, just posting letters under our door. His room is a meter from mine. It's so, so brilliant. What I find incredible is that some universities put you in your rooms based on the personalities of the other people, by getting prospective students to fill out questionnaires about themselves beforehand. They didn't do that at my uni. However, if they had done, they couldn't have matched us any better. Michael and me are both huge Shakespeare and Doctor Who fans. Me, Lizzie, Kat, Sarah and Kelly adore musical theatre. Me and Mike have the same music taste. And that's just the tip of the iceberg; I have not argued with one person. Obviously as humans we're not destined to get on amazingly with everyone we meet, but bearing in mind how much we've all seen of eachother over the past 9 days, it's unbelievably how well we're getting on.
And that's before I even get started on my course. I am a MEDIA ARTS STUDENT. I've wanted to study media for so, so long. I've been directly contributing to the media through my vlogging for three and a half years, and to actually be STUDYING this as an ART FORM is like, my dream. Making a career path out of a hobby that has become basically my life and who I am. So far I have had one lecture and one workshop in a Mac suite. In both of these situations I was in my element. I know this is what I'm meant to be doing. It really terrifies me how horribly close I was to studying Drama for another three years. I do actually miss drama a lot, and will definitely be joining the Drama Society here, but I know that doing it for my degree would have been the wrong choice. I went through a lot to get my place on this course; I had to beg and convince my parents that I was serious about it, then do the same with my teachers, then I had to pull out university applications past the official deadline and then I had to reapply, again past the official deadline. And finally, here I am. I'll never take this for granted.
I think that more or less concludes my blog. I just want to make the most of every second here. I'm living in London, something I've always wanted to do, studying what I've always wanted to study, living with the kind of people I've always wanted to live with. I am absorbing and enjoying everything that is thrown at me, and I am ecstatic that I have only been here for one week.
THREE MORE YEARS TO GO. (:
Ohgod. Just writing that makes me freak out. It's just...I've said it so much over the past week...SURREAL. It's just surreal. Things like this DO NOT HAPPEN. Well they do, but you just don't think they ever will. I'm not explaining myself properly. What I mean is, that I always KNEW I'd go to university. I always knew one day the day would come when I had got into a university and I would be going to it. But, that day always seemed in the unforeseeable future. The summer was endless. I would spend the summer getting ready for university. At the end of that summer, I would go to university. But that summer was endless so what did after summer matter?
But alas, here I am at university. I have been here for nine days now. I have had the absolute, categorical time of my life. I waited for this for so, so long. I really did not like sixth form. University was the light at the end of the tunnel. And now I'm here. In the run up to university (I have said this many times on this blog) I didn't feel at all nervous; just absolutely, ridiculously excited. This scared me for two reasons. I took for granted that because I wasn't nervous in the build up, I would completely freak out when I did get here at last. I also took for granted that because I was so excited, it would be a letdown and a disappointment.
Neither of these things came to light. I have not had a freak out yet, and so far it has been everything I hoped plus a billion times more.
As someone who doesn't really drink and isn't a massive partier, I was very worried about that side of university life. I didn't want to be the only one not doing those things, nor did I want to get roped into stuff I didn't feel comfortable with. As it happens, I have met the most incredible group of people who are absolutely like-minded to me. I cruised through sixth form without a solid, definitive friendship group, and as much as I pretended it didn't bother me, I hated it. Within a day of being at university I had slotted perfectly into a group of people. We all (bar a couple, who come and visit all the time) live in the same halls, and we spend the majority of our waking hours together. We have only known eachother for just over a week, but because we've been in such close quarters, we've become close unbelievably fast. It's what I've needed for so, so long. I feel on top of the world, my self-confidence is the highest it's been in years and I'm surrounded by some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I thought people were exaggerating a bit when they told me that I would meet my friends of life at university, but I can already see that this is true.
It all hits me when I think about our living conditions; we're in halls of residence, which is basically on-campus accommodation. In my halls we have our own rooms with an en-suite and then there's kitchens dotted around that we share. I realised yesterday that we have lived without any adult input for over a week. This may sound trivial, but for people who have left home for the first time, it is a massive deal! Yet we haven't even significantly noticed this, because of how we've settled in. I feel completely at home here. I adore how I have my friends constantly a few meters at most away from me. It's amazing. For example, at 1 this morning (It's about 2am now) I wrote my friend Michael, who lives in the room opposite me, a note and put it under his door. We communicated this way for half an hour, not actually seeing eachother, just posting letters under our door. His room is a meter from mine. It's so, so brilliant. What I find incredible is that some universities put you in your rooms based on the personalities of the other people, by getting prospective students to fill out questionnaires about themselves beforehand. They didn't do that at my uni. However, if they had done, they couldn't have matched us any better. Michael and me are both huge Shakespeare and Doctor Who fans. Me, Lizzie, Kat, Sarah and Kelly adore musical theatre. Me and Mike have the same music taste. And that's just the tip of the iceberg; I have not argued with one person. Obviously as humans we're not destined to get on amazingly with everyone we meet, but bearing in mind how much we've all seen of eachother over the past 9 days, it's unbelievably how well we're getting on.
And that's before I even get started on my course. I am a MEDIA ARTS STUDENT. I've wanted to study media for so, so long. I've been directly contributing to the media through my vlogging for three and a half years, and to actually be STUDYING this as an ART FORM is like, my dream. Making a career path out of a hobby that has become basically my life and who I am. So far I have had one lecture and one workshop in a Mac suite. In both of these situations I was in my element. I know this is what I'm meant to be doing. It really terrifies me how horribly close I was to studying Drama for another three years. I do actually miss drama a lot, and will definitely be joining the Drama Society here, but I know that doing it for my degree would have been the wrong choice. I went through a lot to get my place on this course; I had to beg and convince my parents that I was serious about it, then do the same with my teachers, then I had to pull out university applications past the official deadline and then I had to reapply, again past the official deadline. And finally, here I am. I'll never take this for granted.
I think that more or less concludes my blog. I just want to make the most of every second here. I'm living in London, something I've always wanted to do, studying what I've always wanted to study, living with the kind of people I've always wanted to live with. I am absorbing and enjoying everything that is thrown at me, and I am ecstatic that I have only been here for one week.
THREE MORE YEARS TO GO. (:
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Does anyone have any light to shed on this?
A memory from June just randomly popped into my head out of nowhere which I totally forgot about straight after it happened. Which isn't that surprising because straight after it happened me and my friends lost two of our group and then missed the last train and had to spend £50 on a cab...but I digress (I'M A LEADING MAN AND THE LIES I WEAVE ARE OH SO INTO CATS DOO DOO DOOO DOO shutup brain).
Anyway.
This is the memory.
It was after the Green Day concert and me and Sam and Megg were waiting outside Wembley Stadium for the other two in our group. Whilst this was going on a girl was standing near us looking panicked, she was probably about our age. I asked her if she was alright and she said that she had got split up from her group and her phone was out of battery and she had no way of contacting them. So straight away I offered her my phone and told her to ring them and I said that we wouldn't leave her standing there by herself. She looked GENUINELY shocked at this, and so so grateful. At the time I thought nothing of it because in all honesty it would never cross my mind to act any way differently to that in that situation. And now I'm thinking about it it's actually quite interesting. The reason I did what I did and said what I said was because I know for a fact if I was surrounded by 20,000 people who I didn't know at 11pm in London with no means of contacting anyone that I did no, I would be terrified. I would have wandered round for ages in the hope someone asked me if I was alright and offered to lend me their phone. I'd have probably eventually mustered the courage to ask someone if I could borrow a phone if no one offered it to me first, but I would probably be crying my eyes out and in an absolute state of panic by this point. So obviously when I saw someone in this situation I wanted to make sure they were okay and not scared or at risk.
She was an absolute stranger. Was I too trusting? I handed her my phone. I didn't even think twice about it. I knew nothing whatsoever about her, she could have run off with it for all I knew. Is it strange that I was protective of a completely random human?
I don't think it was really. I can relate to her situation because I go to concerts a lot and I don't like being by myself in crowded places and when I don't have access to my phone I feel like the worst case scenario WILL always happen.
But now that I'm properly thinking it through I can't help but wonder if I am being incredibly naive to not even second-think doing something like letting a stranger use my phone in amongst a crowd of 20,000 people.
Anyone got any thoughts on this?
Anyway.
This is the memory.
It was after the Green Day concert and me and Sam and Megg were waiting outside Wembley Stadium for the other two in our group. Whilst this was going on a girl was standing near us looking panicked, she was probably about our age. I asked her if she was alright and she said that she had got split up from her group and her phone was out of battery and she had no way of contacting them. So straight away I offered her my phone and told her to ring them and I said that we wouldn't leave her standing there by herself. She looked GENUINELY shocked at this, and so so grateful. At the time I thought nothing of it because in all honesty it would never cross my mind to act any way differently to that in that situation. And now I'm thinking about it it's actually quite interesting. The reason I did what I did and said what I said was because I know for a fact if I was surrounded by 20,000 people who I didn't know at 11pm in London with no means of contacting anyone that I did no, I would be terrified. I would have wandered round for ages in the hope someone asked me if I was alright and offered to lend me their phone. I'd have probably eventually mustered the courage to ask someone if I could borrow a phone if no one offered it to me first, but I would probably be crying my eyes out and in an absolute state of panic by this point. So obviously when I saw someone in this situation I wanted to make sure they were okay and not scared or at risk.
She was an absolute stranger. Was I too trusting? I handed her my phone. I didn't even think twice about it. I knew nothing whatsoever about her, she could have run off with it for all I knew. Is it strange that I was protective of a completely random human?
I don't think it was really. I can relate to her situation because I go to concerts a lot and I don't like being by myself in crowded places and when I don't have access to my phone I feel like the worst case scenario WILL always happen.
But now that I'm properly thinking it through I can't help but wonder if I am being incredibly naive to not even second-think doing something like letting a stranger use my phone in amongst a crowd of 20,000 people.
Anyone got any thoughts on this?
Thoughts, gathered.
I suddenly got a compelling urge to write a blog. It occurred to me all of a sudden that what I'm going through right now is SUCH a once in a lifetime, and I then began feeling quite panicked about having a record of how it all was for me. Blog today, vlog tomorrow. If that's not a life motto I don't know what is.
In four days' time, I will be moving to university. In London. For starters, I find this alone incredulous. I don't know if I used incredulous in the right context there, I didn't want to say incredible so I thought that was a good alternative but now I'm not so sure. I digress. But yeah, ME moving to LONDON. That's crazy. I've wanted to live in London since I was fourteen. I know this because that's when I started blogging, and when I read the blogs I see that I filled in literally hundreds of those survey things, and every time I was asked where I would live if I could choose anywhere, I said London. So naturally, I assumed it would never happen. But alas, on Sunday I'm moving to London. But it's even better than the London I was referring to back then; back then I just naturally figured that in the unlikely event that I ever DID move to London then it would be to a penthouse apartment on top of CyberCandy in Covent Garden, surrounded by pollution and tourists and traffic. But no. I am moving to one of the nicest areas in all of London. I will be five minutes away from what I believe is the most expensive and poshest London borough, in which there is acres of beautiful parks and fields, yet I will be half an hour from the centre of London where the much-beloved hustle and bustle is. Best of both worlds? Hells to the yes it is.
Next thing: Estelle. Estelle is one of my best friends. We have only been friends for around two years (maybe even less), but we clicked straight away, as we are both quite mad. My first memory of Estelle is of us taking photos on my new MacBook in the study room at school when we were meant to be silently working. My next memory of Estelle is of us doing Bollywood dancing to the Bangra music from Slumdog Millionaire in the common room at lunchtime. We're going to university together XD I'm so, so happy. We literally always find something to laugh about, and there is no one else from school I'd rather be going to uni with. What makes it better is that we're in the same halls, she's living two floors above me :D She keeps me quite grounded; I have a tendency to somewhat KICK OFF, and I know she'll tell me to shut the hell up.
DING DING, next round. MY COURSE. I don't need to go on again about what an absolute hoohar/faff/kerfuffle I had to endure just to get to the point of having a place on a Media course. Short and short, in case you don't know and happen to care, is that I had 5 offers at 5 top universities to study Drama, and then I changed my mind about Drama but my parents weren't so sure and it took me five months to muster the guts to be like HELLZ TO THE NO I WILL NOT DO DRAMA and then I had to pull out my applications even though the deadline had passed etc etc...BUT ALAS. I'm doing a Media Arts course :D It's like my dream course. I feel like it's The Next Step to getting me to where I want to be. I, according to Mother Dearest, am a go-getter. I went out and got two jobs by myself. I got voluntary work by myself. I got work experience by myself. No one had to nag me, no one had to tell me to do it, I just wanted to do these things really badly and did them. I want REALLY BADLY to do amazingly at my course, and I really hope I can do this. I want to carry on GOING and GETTING what I want. I don't want to be the person who sits around saying "Ohhh I wish I could be a TV presenter one day!" I want to tell people that one day I'll be a TV presenter, and then actually go and do it. I know it's not something you can walk straight into. This is why I chose my course; I feel like on top of the various things I've already done, this is The Next Step to getting to the TV presenting; going to uni, getting a degree, refining my work ethic, upping my experience of both the industry and of life, and then GOING AND GETTING MORE STUFF. I can't wait.
In four days' time, I will be moving to university. In London. For starters, I find this alone incredulous. I don't know if I used incredulous in the right context there, I didn't want to say incredible so I thought that was a good alternative but now I'm not so sure. I digress. But yeah, ME moving to LONDON. That's crazy. I've wanted to live in London since I was fourteen. I know this because that's when I started blogging, and when I read the blogs I see that I filled in literally hundreds of those survey things, and every time I was asked where I would live if I could choose anywhere, I said London. So naturally, I assumed it would never happen. But alas, on Sunday I'm moving to London. But it's even better than the London I was referring to back then; back then I just naturally figured that in the unlikely event that I ever DID move to London then it would be to a penthouse apartment on top of CyberCandy in Covent Garden, surrounded by pollution and tourists and traffic. But no. I am moving to one of the nicest areas in all of London. I will be five minutes away from what I believe is the most expensive and poshest London borough, in which there is acres of beautiful parks and fields, yet I will be half an hour from the centre of London where the much-beloved hustle and bustle is. Best of both worlds? Hells to the yes it is.
Next thing: Estelle. Estelle is one of my best friends. We have only been friends for around two years (maybe even less), but we clicked straight away, as we are both quite mad. My first memory of Estelle is of us taking photos on my new MacBook in the study room at school when we were meant to be silently working. My next memory of Estelle is of us doing Bollywood dancing to the Bangra music from Slumdog Millionaire in the common room at lunchtime. We're going to university together XD I'm so, so happy. We literally always find something to laugh about, and there is no one else from school I'd rather be going to uni with. What makes it better is that we're in the same halls, she's living two floors above me :D She keeps me quite grounded; I have a tendency to somewhat KICK OFF, and I know she'll tell me to shut the hell up.
DING DING, next round. MY COURSE. I don't need to go on again about what an absolute hoohar/faff/kerfuffle I had to endure just to get to the point of having a place on a Media course. Short and short, in case you don't know and happen to care, is that I had 5 offers at 5 top universities to study Drama, and then I changed my mind about Drama but my parents weren't so sure and it took me five months to muster the guts to be like HELLZ TO THE NO I WILL NOT DO DRAMA and then I had to pull out my applications even though the deadline had passed etc etc...BUT ALAS. I'm doing a Media Arts course :D It's like my dream course. I feel like it's The Next Step to getting me to where I want to be. I, according to Mother Dearest, am a go-getter. I went out and got two jobs by myself. I got voluntary work by myself. I got work experience by myself. No one had to nag me, no one had to tell me to do it, I just wanted to do these things really badly and did them. I want REALLY BADLY to do amazingly at my course, and I really hope I can do this. I want to carry on GOING and GETTING what I want. I don't want to be the person who sits around saying "Ohhh I wish I could be a TV presenter one day!" I want to tell people that one day I'll be a TV presenter, and then actually go and do it. I know it's not something you can walk straight into. This is why I chose my course; I feel like on top of the various things I've already done, this is The Next Step to getting to the TV presenting; going to uni, getting a degree, refining my work ethic, upping my experience of both the industry and of life, and then GOING AND GETTING MORE STUFF. I can't wait.
Friday, 10 September 2010
Can't even begin to think of how I'm going to articulate this.
Something pretty rubbish has been ongoing throughout my summer and it didn't really hit me quite how crap it was until yesterday and then I went into meltdown and Jocy = wreck.
So there I am today, a complete and utter mess at 2am wondering how on earth I was going to DO the next few days as a successful human.
And then just as I need him most Joe come online and helps me sort everything out and rescues me from all the poop.
So what I'm trying to say is that I have a friend who bail me out of crappy situations and helps sort out my problems, even at two o' clock in the morning. For this I am an extremely lucky person.
xx
Something pretty rubbish has been ongoing throughout my summer and it didn't really hit me quite how crap it was until yesterday and then I went into meltdown and Jocy = wreck.
So there I am today, a complete and utter mess at 2am wondering how on earth I was going to DO the next few days as a successful human.
And then just as I need him most Joe come online and helps me sort everything out and rescues me from all the poop.
So what I'm trying to say is that I have a friend who bail me out of crappy situations and helps sort out my problems, even at two o' clock in the morning. For this I am an extremely lucky person.
xx
Monday, 6 September 2010
I'm having an identity crisis. This blog is about how I know this, and will explain past events that I can use as indicators.
When I was 14 I first dyed my hair. Wash in wash out black. I was finally into rock music and wanted to reflect this in my clothes, makeup and hair. I took pride in the fact that for the first time in my life I fit into a category. Obviously I bitched and whinged about the labels (I had to, we had to fight the system you see) but who was I kidding? I loved it.
Over the next two years I tried out so many different hair dyes. Black, dark brown, red, purple, pink, blue. I had now discovered punk. This hair showed that, so that people could instantly tell as soon as they met me that that was the scene I was into.
I was instantly, accurately judgeable. Again, we "hated" it, but I'm sure we fooled no one. It was the best thing ever.
As I approached 17 I lost myself a bit. My group of friends kind of dissolved and I didn't slot into a category anymore.
How could I have a place in an entire subculture if
I couldn't even have a place in a group of school friends? The hair dye stopped, because I didn't have a side of my personality to reflect anymore; for three months, I was hollow.
Three months after I turned 17, I started re-establishing myself. My confidence was back and better than ever, I had a group of people I was a part of and I wanted people to know this. Bam, permanent red hair dye. People associated it with me, and I loved it.
For 16 months I tried to make the red brighter and brighter, as red as possible. But now I'm approaching 19, and I don't feel that the red hair should be mine anymore. I'm not really sure why, hence the identity crisis. I don't think I want to spend the next however long as the one with red hair. I don't want my hair to make my personality judgeable anymore. That was perfect when I was 15 and needed instant acceptance and recognition for who I was. Now, I want to have more to show for myself.
Tomorrow there's going to be a huge hair change. I want something less overt than this bright, unnatural red. But I want it to show my personality at a glance. Trip to get hair dye in the morning. Till then, hair suggestions would be hugely welcomed!
When I was 14 I first dyed my hair. Wash in wash out black. I was finally into rock music and wanted to reflect this in my clothes, makeup and hair. I took pride in the fact that for the first time in my life I fit into a category. Obviously I bitched and whinged about the labels (I had to, we had to fight the system you see) but who was I kidding? I loved it.
Over the next two years I tried out so many different hair dyes. Black, dark brown, red, purple, pink, blue. I had now discovered punk. This hair showed that, so that people could instantly tell as soon as they met me that that was the scene I was into.
I was instantly, accurately judgeable. Again, we "hated" it, but I'm sure we fooled no one. It was the best thing ever.
As I approached 17 I lost myself a bit. My group of friends kind of dissolved and I didn't slot into a category anymore.
How could I have a place in an entire subculture if
I couldn't even have a place in a group of school friends? The hair dye stopped, because I didn't have a side of my personality to reflect anymore; for three months, I was hollow.
Three months after I turned 17, I started re-establishing myself. My confidence was back and better than ever, I had a group of people I was a part of and I wanted people to know this. Bam, permanent red hair dye. People associated it with me, and I loved it.
For 16 months I tried to make the red brighter and brighter, as red as possible. But now I'm approaching 19, and I don't feel that the red hair should be mine anymore. I'm not really sure why, hence the identity crisis. I don't think I want to spend the next however long as the one with red hair. I don't want my hair to make my personality judgeable anymore. That was perfect when I was 15 and needed instant acceptance and recognition for who I was. Now, I want to have more to show for myself.
Tomorrow there's going to be a huge hair change. I want something less overt than this bright, unnatural red. But I want it to show my personality at a glance. Trip to get hair dye in the morning. Till then, hair suggestions would be hugely welcomed!
Sunday, 5 September 2010
So I'm like TOTALLY moving out in less than two weeks. That's not what I want to talk about though.
It's really strange. I am SO excited about university and living in London and not living at home and being able to do my own thing without mother and father telling me it's bedtime. And I'm SO excited about studying the subject I know my passion lies in and learning about it and doing homework and hopefully getting really good grades. However, I'm absolutely pooping myself about freshers' week and going out and constant partying and clubbing.
Which is the absolute REVERSE to literally every other of my friends that I have talked to about this. THEY'RE all scared about living alone and finding the work difficult and they're living for the student lifestyle.
I have always known since I was five and got laughed at because I refused to play kiss chase because I refused to kiss the boys that I don't have the same outlook on life as a lot of other girls. I knew from a really young age that I wouldn't have boyfriends throughout secondary school and that I would never wear loads of makeup (nearly 19 and never worn foundation in my life). But I didn't think I'd get to university age and not want to embrace the entire university lifestyle.
Sometimes I see it as a negative thing. I genuinely do see people's points when they tell me that I will miss out on the experience and find it harder to make friends if I don't immerse myself into everything that goes on, at least initially. Fact of the matter is I know that at this UV foam party I'm attending (if I muster the courage) in 16 days time I will really be completely out of my depth. I'll feel paranoid and conscious the whole time, and even if I'm there I will miss out on the experience and find it hard to make friends. I can make friends easier than most if I'm in an environment I'm comfy with; chuck me into a YouTube gathering, put me in a theatre production and I'll come out with friends for life, but put me in a crowded, music-filled room full of people exactly like me except drunk and confident and I will dissolve.
Other times I see it as a positive thing. I don't drink very much at all (to me, going out for a "couple of drinks" is literally that. And then I stop.) which means at university I will be saving about £30 a week compared to others. I don't want to be out at parties till the early hours every night, which I'm hoping and assuming will reflect positively in my standard of work. I will not get with random guys in situations such as these, which I really see as nothing but a good thing despite what other girls may think.
But most of all I just see these as a Jocy thing. Trust JOCY to be thrilled about fending for herself and getting down to some really challenging work and to be freaking out about going to lots of parties. That's just what I'm like. I still LOVE going out, I'll definitely immerse myself in what's going on as much as possible. I'll have a drink or two with my friends, I'll dance with them at parties and I'll never, ever look down upon people who want to take their own student experiences further than that. But I suppose I am just One Of Those People who wants to get my head down and do what I need to do. Which is get to where I want to be.
Which is the absolute REVERSE to literally every other of my friends that I have talked to about this. THEY'RE all scared about living alone and finding the work difficult and they're living for the student lifestyle.
I have always known since I was five and got laughed at because I refused to play kiss chase because I refused to kiss the boys that I don't have the same outlook on life as a lot of other girls. I knew from a really young age that I wouldn't have boyfriends throughout secondary school and that I would never wear loads of makeup (nearly 19 and never worn foundation in my life). But I didn't think I'd get to university age and not want to embrace the entire university lifestyle.
Sometimes I see it as a negative thing. I genuinely do see people's points when they tell me that I will miss out on the experience and find it harder to make friends if I don't immerse myself into everything that goes on, at least initially. Fact of the matter is I know that at this UV foam party I'm attending (if I muster the courage) in 16 days time I will really be completely out of my depth. I'll feel paranoid and conscious the whole time, and even if I'm there I will miss out on the experience and find it hard to make friends. I can make friends easier than most if I'm in an environment I'm comfy with; chuck me into a YouTube gathering, put me in a theatre production and I'll come out with friends for life, but put me in a crowded, music-filled room full of people exactly like me except drunk and confident and I will dissolve.
Other times I see it as a positive thing. I don't drink very much at all (to me, going out for a "couple of drinks" is literally that. And then I stop.) which means at university I will be saving about £30 a week compared to others. I don't want to be out at parties till the early hours every night, which I'm hoping and assuming will reflect positively in my standard of work. I will not get with random guys in situations such as these, which I really see as nothing but a good thing despite what other girls may think.
But most of all I just see these as a Jocy thing. Trust JOCY to be thrilled about fending for herself and getting down to some really challenging work and to be freaking out about going to lots of parties. That's just what I'm like. I still LOVE going out, I'll definitely immerse myself in what's going on as much as possible. I'll have a drink or two with my friends, I'll dance with them at parties and I'll never, ever look down upon people who want to take their own student experiences further than that. But I suppose I am just One Of Those People who wants to get my head down and do what I need to do. Which is get to where I want to be.
Friday, 27 August 2010
Hellew.
I'm in Joe's bed. This makes me feel guilty because when he stays over at mine he has to do sleeps on the floor. But I'm doing sleeps at his and he gives me an entire BED.
I've had SUCH a good evening (': Me and Joe and Ross squidged onto the sofa and we watched Love Actually and we bitched the whole way through it about how life will never be like that and how it's all a massive sham xD It was really really funny.
I've had a bit of an UNSTABLE fortnight and now I'm laying here just like YAY because I feel sooooo much better about EVERYTHING now.
Really really mega good mood and I feel like a lucky human right now.
PS
-Vicar voloceraptus
-Love Actually finishes:
Ross, "Love is like a cancer."
Joe, "Who wants to kill themselves first?"
Jocy, "Death."
<3
I'm in Joe's bed. This makes me feel guilty because when he stays over at mine he has to do sleeps on the floor. But I'm doing sleeps at his and he gives me an entire BED.
I've had SUCH a good evening (': Me and Joe and Ross squidged onto the sofa and we watched Love Actually and we bitched the whole way through it about how life will never be like that and how it's all a massive sham xD It was really really funny.
I've had a bit of an UNSTABLE fortnight and now I'm laying here just like YAY because I feel sooooo much better about EVERYTHING now.
Really really mega good mood and I feel like a lucky human right now.
PS
-Vicar voloceraptus
-Love Actually finishes:
Ross, "Love is like a cancer."
Joe, "Who wants to kill themselves first?"
Jocy, "Death."
<3
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
All of the wasted time, the hours that were left behind, the answers that we'll never find, they don't mean a thing tonight.
I'm so glad last week is over XD
It's only been this week for just over a day but it's already such a good week ^^
i'm so RELIEVED that all the disarray of everything is finished and things are back to how I love them most (:
So excited about Thursday to see Joe for the first time in over a month ^^ We're going to make quadruple chocolate chip cookies with milk, white, dark and peanut butter chocolate chips. And we're going to find our holiday to Paris (((((((((((:
Welcome back summer, I missed you <3
(':
It's only been this week for just over a day but it's already such a good week ^^
i'm so RELIEVED that all the disarray of everything is finished and things are back to how I love them most (:
So excited about Thursday to see Joe for the first time in over a month ^^ We're going to make quadruple chocolate chip cookies with milk, white, dark and peanut butter chocolate chips. And we're going to find our holiday to Paris (((((((((((:
Welcome back summer, I missed you <3
(':
Thursday, 19 August 2010
Tuesday, 17 August 2010
Monday, 16 August 2010
Hello. I'm Jocy and I post blogs in Pret A Manger.
I'm having a mental breakdown. I need to cry really badly but I'm in Pret A Manger and I'm wearing mascara and I have to go back to my work experience placement in half an hour.
My brain is falling apart. I'm exhausted due to jetlag and insomnia, I can barely eat and haven't consumed a normal day's calories in over a week.
I'm just gonna say outright what's up. Hardly anyone reads this anyway.
My best friend of 5 years doesn't care anymore. This is note being emo and paranoid, this is what I know. He's too cool for me now and because I won't get drunk and stoned with him, I'm not worth his time. I'm sure one day if I ever forget how amazing our 5 years as best friends were then I'll be able to believe it's his loss. But at the moment, it's not. He's surrounded by a group of people, going out, doing his thing. I do all this but at the back of my mind I have the knowledge that he doesn't care about me anymore. I'll forget for a bit and everything will be hunky dory, and then I'll remember. Try living with that. I don't feel bad putting this on the Internet; I tried to talk to him about it several times and he has made it more than clear he doesn't want to know. So I will talk about it here instead. Taylor Swift writes songs about people that treat her badly, I write blogs. Fair play in my opinion.
On top of that, I miss my uber best friend like hell. I haven't seen him in over 3 weeks. I haven't spoken to him properly in 5 days. I'm probably reacting worse to this than the normal person should, but there we go. It's making me feel quite depressed. I don't know if he knows. He'd rightly tell me to shush and pull myself together. I hope I see him soon.
These things clearly demonstrate that I am a very dependent person. If I don't have my friends constantly there, I don't function properly. My mind foes stupid horrible things and I convince myself that they don't care anymore and are annoyed by me and don't want to be friends with me anymore. In the first case this turned out to be disgustingly true. It really is one of my worst mightmares come true. What mKes it worse is that he knows this yet still won't talk to me.
Jocy is not a happy Jocy.
I'm having a mental breakdown. I need to cry really badly but I'm in Pret A Manger and I'm wearing mascara and I have to go back to my work experience placement in half an hour.
My brain is falling apart. I'm exhausted due to jetlag and insomnia, I can barely eat and haven't consumed a normal day's calories in over a week.
I'm just gonna say outright what's up. Hardly anyone reads this anyway.
My best friend of 5 years doesn't care anymore. This is note being emo and paranoid, this is what I know. He's too cool for me now and because I won't get drunk and stoned with him, I'm not worth his time. I'm sure one day if I ever forget how amazing our 5 years as best friends were then I'll be able to believe it's his loss. But at the moment, it's not. He's surrounded by a group of people, going out, doing his thing. I do all this but at the back of my mind I have the knowledge that he doesn't care about me anymore. I'll forget for a bit and everything will be hunky dory, and then I'll remember. Try living with that. I don't feel bad putting this on the Internet; I tried to talk to him about it several times and he has made it more than clear he doesn't want to know. So I will talk about it here instead. Taylor Swift writes songs about people that treat her badly, I write blogs. Fair play in my opinion.
On top of that, I miss my uber best friend like hell. I haven't seen him in over 3 weeks. I haven't spoken to him properly in 5 days. I'm probably reacting worse to this than the normal person should, but there we go. It's making me feel quite depressed. I don't know if he knows. He'd rightly tell me to shush and pull myself together. I hope I see him soon.
These things clearly demonstrate that I am a very dependent person. If I don't have my friends constantly there, I don't function properly. My mind foes stupid horrible things and I convince myself that they don't care anymore and are annoyed by me and don't want to be friends with me anymore. In the first case this turned out to be disgustingly true. It really is one of my worst mightmares come true. What mKes it worse is that he knows this yet still won't talk to me.
Jocy is not a happy Jocy.
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
>.>
I'm going on holiday in 7 hours.
Just got off of MSN with Joe, it's 4am. We talked non-stop for 6 hours. Going to miss him so much and the goodbye was not fun.
But once I'm on my way to the airport excitement will set in and it will be fine.
Am sure I'll blog whilst I'm away!
Sorry anyone who was expecting/looking forward to my Q&A vlog that I promised for yesterday. Ran out of time ):
Hope everyone has a brilliant couple of weeks xx
Just got off of MSN with Joe, it's 4am. We talked non-stop for 6 hours. Going to miss him so much and the goodbye was not fun.
But once I'm on my way to the airport excitement will set in and it will be fine.
Am sure I'll blog whilst I'm away!
Sorry anyone who was expecting/looking forward to my Q&A vlog that I promised for yesterday. Ran out of time ):
Hope everyone has a brilliant couple of weeks xx
Monday, 26 July 2010
Some things.
Tomorrow I am going house hunting.
I kind of feel like tomorrow is the start of not being the Jocy I always have been, because Jocys who wear Busted pyjamas and watch Pokemon and eat cold baked bean sarnies are not mature enough to house hunt, but now I have to be mature enough to house hunt.
I feel like I have to let the past 18 years rest in peace and now suddenly act my age and not my shoe size (which let's be honest, is still fairly big, but not as big as 18).
Anyways, speaking of being amazingly GROWN UP. This weekend I stayed at Ross' and so did Joe and it was very much awesome. On Saturday afternoon we sat in the park and Ross fell out a tree on purpose and then we went to Sainsbury's and bought Ben and Jerry's and then Ross made his SPECIAL PASTA (al dente) and we were CIVILISED and sat at the TABLE and used CUTLERY. And then we put on Mean Girls and the sofas were pushed right up close to the TV and we watched Mean Girls whilst eating a tub of Ben and Jerry's each. But I was the only one who finished mine because I am a Dragon Slut. And then we played Rock Band at midnight and I did singing (very badly) and I sang to Nine in the Afternoon by Panic! At The Disco and I made sure my notes were perfect and I did this by mooing like a COW every time I had to do the "Your eyes are the size of the MOOOOOOON" bit. It was fun. And then we went to bed and then on Sunday morning we sat in our pyjamas for a long time and played more Rock Band and then me and Joe went to London and then we came home and that was my weekend. It was a very nice weekend. It was awesome to see Ross because I hadn't seen him in ages and HIDEOUSLY I actually missed him :@ And then after London I had to say bye to Joe and we will not see each other in three weeks now which is very sad because that will be the longest we have gone literally in years not seeing each other.
But overall, it was a really awesome weekend and a very good way to spend my last weekend in England before I go to LA on Wednesday (:
I kind of feel like tomorrow is the start of not being the Jocy I always have been, because Jocys who wear Busted pyjamas and watch Pokemon and eat cold baked bean sarnies are not mature enough to house hunt, but now I have to be mature enough to house hunt.
I feel like I have to let the past 18 years rest in peace and now suddenly act my age and not my shoe size (which let's be honest, is still fairly big, but not as big as 18).
Anyways, speaking of being amazingly GROWN UP. This weekend I stayed at Ross' and so did Joe and it was very much awesome. On Saturday afternoon we sat in the park and Ross fell out a tree on purpose and then we went to Sainsbury's and bought Ben and Jerry's and then Ross made his SPECIAL PASTA (al dente) and we were CIVILISED and sat at the TABLE and used CUTLERY. And then we put on Mean Girls and the sofas were pushed right up close to the TV and we watched Mean Girls whilst eating a tub of Ben and Jerry's each. But I was the only one who finished mine because I am a Dragon Slut. And then we played Rock Band at midnight and I did singing (very badly) and I sang to Nine in the Afternoon by Panic! At The Disco and I made sure my notes were perfect and I did this by mooing like a COW every time I had to do the "Your eyes are the size of the MOOOOOOON" bit. It was fun. And then we went to bed and then on Sunday morning we sat in our pyjamas for a long time and played more Rock Band and then me and Joe went to London and then we came home and that was my weekend. It was a very nice weekend. It was awesome to see Ross because I hadn't seen him in ages and HIDEOUSLY I actually missed him :@ And then after London I had to say bye to Joe and we will not see each other in three weeks now which is very sad because that will be the longest we have gone literally in years not seeing each other.
But overall, it was a really awesome weekend and a very good way to spend my last weekend in England before I go to LA on Wednesday (:
Saturday, 24 July 2010
Yay (:
About to sit down to Mean Girls and a tub of Ben and Jerry's each with Joe and Ross :D
They are my best mans.
They are my best mans.
Friday, 23 July 2010
Monday, 19 July 2010
(':
Had a very nice day shopping in London with Estelle today :D
I bought:
The purse is from Octopus in Neal Street and the shoes are from Topshop in Oxford Street.
I am really looking forward to tomorrow (well, later today) because in the morning me and my mum are going shopping for last minute holiday bits and in the afternoon Joe is coming over and we are going to sunbathe and have a sleepover. Which means it's a given that Tuesday will also be laaavely. On Thursday I'm gatecrashing Joe's band's acoustic rehearsal and photoshoot for their flyers (I know right!!! :D) in London and then on Saturday me and Joe and Ross are going to see Toy Story 3.
And I just realised that now I can officially say "Next week I will be in California." So...NEXT WEEK I WILL BE IN CALIFORNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's only now that I'm realising how much school sucked the life out of me!
I bought:
The purse is from Octopus in Neal Street and the shoes are from Topshop in Oxford Street.
I am really looking forward to tomorrow (well, later today) because in the morning me and my mum are going shopping for last minute holiday bits and in the afternoon Joe is coming over and we are going to sunbathe and have a sleepover. Which means it's a given that Tuesday will also be laaavely. On Thursday I'm gatecrashing Joe's band's acoustic rehearsal and photoshoot for their flyers (I know right!!! :D) in London and then on Saturday me and Joe and Ross are going to see Toy Story 3.
And I just realised that now I can officially say "Next week I will be in California." So...NEXT WEEK I WILL BE IN CALIFORNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's only now that I'm realising how much school sucked the life out of me!
Saturday, 17 July 2010
I just got the itinerary for my holiday!!!
Day 1 - arrive in LA
Day 2 - morning in Hollywood. Afternoon in Universal Studios
Day 3 - free day in LA
Day 4 - San Diego
Day 5 - Palm Springs
Day 6 - Flagstaff, Arizona
Day 7 - Grand Canyon
Day 8 - Las Vegas
Day 9 - Las Vegas
Day 10 - Calico Ghost Town
Day 11 - Yosemite
Day 12 - San Francisco
Day 13 - San Francisco
Day 14 - San Francisco
I'm not really one for countdowns anymore, but... ELEVEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Day 2 - morning in Hollywood. Afternoon in Universal Studios
Day 3 - free day in LA
Day 4 - San Diego
Day 5 - Palm Springs
Day 6 - Flagstaff, Arizona
Day 7 - Grand Canyon
Day 8 - Las Vegas
Day 9 - Las Vegas
Day 10 - Calico Ghost Town
Day 11 - Yosemite
Day 12 - San Francisco
Day 13 - San Francisco
Day 14 - San Francisco
I'm not really one for countdowns anymore, but... ELEVEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had Nando's tonight.
I haven't socialised in 7 days and I'm feeling the effects really badly.
I'm in a bad mood, I can't remember the last time I laughed till my stomach hurt and I'm losing the motivation to eat healthily.
I'm craving the sorts of days out when you don't bother looking at the time all day, when you don't have to do anything in particular, when everything is hilarious because you're with hilarious people.
I'm proud of myself for being so disciplined with the amount of overtime I've done this week, but I'm unsure if it's been worth it because I just feel so crap -_- As Joe put it, I "haven't been alive this week".
On a brighter note, had dinner today with my friend Frank (my brother's girlfriend's 12 year old brother :D) and we have planned a vlog that we are making together :D So I am very much looking forward to that!
I'm in a bad mood, I can't remember the last time I laughed till my stomach hurt and I'm losing the motivation to eat healthily.
I'm craving the sorts of days out when you don't bother looking at the time all day, when you don't have to do anything in particular, when everything is hilarious because you're with hilarious people.
I'm proud of myself for being so disciplined with the amount of overtime I've done this week, but I'm unsure if it's been worth it because I just feel so crap -_- As Joe put it, I "haven't been alive this week".
On a brighter note, had dinner today with my friend Frank (my brother's girlfriend's 12 year old brother :D) and we have planned a vlog that we are making together :D So I am very much looking forward to that!
Monday, 12 July 2010
I have the innate ability of being able to unintentionally alienate myself from everyone I cross paths with.
When I was younger I was terrible at first impressions. I wanted to seem cool and quirky, so I acted like a complete twat and people instantly hated me. Actually no, hate is too strong a word because to be hated you have to actually initiate a strong reaction from someone. I wouldn't flatter myself but saying I did that. I was one of those typical irritating little girls who thought they were so "random" because they wore odd socks and had a side fringe. The only people that I didn't alienate myself from were those the same as me. So miraculously, I ended up with quite a big group of friends.
Over the years this group depleted. It would be stupid for me to go about pointing fingers and blaming people, because I'm past everything that happened. But instead of viewing it as a negative thing, as it seemed to be at the time, I now like to look at it as a period in which I was able to filter off the people who obviously weren't meant to be a big part of my life forever. The reason this was a positive thing that happened is because I was left with one or two people who I feel like I'm clearly meant to be with forever. And then having these people who you know love you a lot boosts your self esteem, making you more confident and henceforth you become even better at first impressions. Maybe this is the reason over the past year I've made a few more amazing friends. Who knows.
Which brings me back to me alienating myself from everyone.
All I want to do is to be an unconditional best friend. I don't want to annoy people anymore. I don't want to fake it. I just want things to go how I used to lay in bed at night when I was 12 years old wishing they would. Most of the time they do. And sometimes I feel like I am still annoying, still fake and a nuisance.
If I can alienate myself from my best friends, then I don't think I have much hope at all.
When I was younger I was terrible at first impressions. I wanted to seem cool and quirky, so I acted like a complete twat and people instantly hated me. Actually no, hate is too strong a word because to be hated you have to actually initiate a strong reaction from someone. I wouldn't flatter myself but saying I did that. I was one of those typical irritating little girls who thought they were so "random" because they wore odd socks and had a side fringe. The only people that I didn't alienate myself from were those the same as me. So miraculously, I ended up with quite a big group of friends.
Over the years this group depleted. It would be stupid for me to go about pointing fingers and blaming people, because I'm past everything that happened. But instead of viewing it as a negative thing, as it seemed to be at the time, I now like to look at it as a period in which I was able to filter off the people who obviously weren't meant to be a big part of my life forever. The reason this was a positive thing that happened is because I was left with one or two people who I feel like I'm clearly meant to be with forever. And then having these people who you know love you a lot boosts your self esteem, making you more confident and henceforth you become even better at first impressions. Maybe this is the reason over the past year I've made a few more amazing friends. Who knows.
Which brings me back to me alienating myself from everyone.
All I want to do is to be an unconditional best friend. I don't want to annoy people anymore. I don't want to fake it. I just want things to go how I used to lay in bed at night when I was 12 years old wishing they would. Most of the time they do. And sometimes I feel like I am still annoying, still fake and a nuisance.
If I can alienate myself from my best friends, then I don't think I have much hope at all.
Sunday, 11 July 2010
England, you have proved you're capable so now stay like this :@
London came up trumps today. It was 30 degrees. Perfect.
Saturday, 26 June 2010
I feel so upset sitting here thinking about how everything that happened has amounted to what it's ever going to amount to and now it's over and what's unsaid is going to remain unsaid forever now.
Here we go
Take a bow
Because we're over now
You were not
There for me
When I needed you
It's over now
Some things are better left unsaid
Maybe we'll be able to be friends
If that's possible.
Here we go
Take a bow
Because we're over now
You were not
There for me
When I needed you
It's over now
Some things are better left unsaid
Maybe we'll be able to be friends
If that's possible.
Monday, 21 June 2010
Me and Joe are good at Boys Like Girls.
Jocy says: (00:00:35)
the first one is the worst one when it comes to a broken heart, but the second album is the hardest when it comes to albums
Jocy says: (00:00:37)
SEE WHAT I DID THERE
Jocy says: (00:00:39)
*is proud*
Joe says: (00:00:53)
that was so lame it actually hurt to read
Jocy says: (00:01:06)
I GOT BOYS LIKE GIRLS LYRICS IN A SENTENCE IN CONTEXT
Jocy says: (00:01:09)
just face it, it was amazing
Joe says: (00:01:36)
yea, but without me you're just one amazing, and we all know that two is better than one
Jocy says: (00:02:54)
yeah but this level of amazing is contagious so someone like you who is often with me can also experience the real thing
the first one is the worst one when it comes to a broken heart, but the second album is the hardest when it comes to albums
Jocy says: (00:00:37)
SEE WHAT I DID THERE
Jocy says: (00:00:39)
*is proud*
Joe says: (00:00:53)
that was so lame it actually hurt to read
Jocy says: (00:01:06)
I GOT BOYS LIKE GIRLS LYRICS IN A SENTENCE IN CONTEXT
Jocy says: (00:01:09)
just face it, it was amazing
Joe says: (00:01:36)
yea, but without me you're just one amazing, and we all know that two is better than one
Jocy says: (00:02:54)
yeah but this level of amazing is contagious so someone like you who is often with me can also experience the real thing
Thursday, 17 June 2010
Jocy is a lucky human.
I've had a really nice day today!
Joe came over early afternoon and we ate pizza in the garden and then we made peanut butter cookies which were so amazing, I will put the recipe at the bottom. Then he helped me with Sociology revision which was somehow made enjoyable, which I think says a lot about me and Joe xD And we had a Sociology break to go and make some origami animals for a project Joe is doing. Then we did more Sociology and ate lots of cookies. And then at about 8.15 Joe said "I'm really craving-" and before he could answer I said "I'm craving Chinese!" and he just looked at me and was like "I was going to say that." We have a LOT of same wavelength moments these days, which is just the best thing ever :D So we went to the Chinese down the road and then we took it to the field by my house and had a Chinese picnic and it was so nice, sitting in a field, eating Chinese food, chatting about nothing in particular and laughing at most.
Once tomorrow is over, I will be even happier!
Peanut Butter cookies:
260g peanut butter
200g sugar
1 egg
(Makes around 10 cookies, we doubled the recipe and made 21 xD)
1. Preheat the oven to 175 degrees
2. Grease baking tray
3. Mix all the ingredients together
4. Put spoonfuls of dough on the baking tray
5. Cook for around 8 minutes, until they feel firmish and the top layer is a bit darker
6. Leave to cool a bit - they get more crunchy but remain chewy and soft in the middle!
NOM NOM NOM
Joe came over early afternoon and we ate pizza in the garden and then we made peanut butter cookies which were so amazing, I will put the recipe at the bottom. Then he helped me with Sociology revision which was somehow made enjoyable, which I think says a lot about me and Joe xD And we had a Sociology break to go and make some origami animals for a project Joe is doing. Then we did more Sociology and ate lots of cookies. And then at about 8.15 Joe said "I'm really craving-" and before he could answer I said "I'm craving Chinese!" and he just looked at me and was like "I was going to say that." We have a LOT of same wavelength moments these days, which is just the best thing ever :D So we went to the Chinese down the road and then we took it to the field by my house and had a Chinese picnic and it was so nice, sitting in a field, eating Chinese food, chatting about nothing in particular and laughing at most.
Once tomorrow is over, I will be even happier!
Peanut Butter cookies:
260g peanut butter
200g sugar
1 egg
(Makes around 10 cookies, we doubled the recipe and made 21 xD)
1. Preheat the oven to 175 degrees
2. Grease baking tray
3. Mix all the ingredients together
4. Put spoonfuls of dough on the baking tray
5. Cook for around 8 minutes, until they feel firmish and the top layer is a bit darker
6. Leave to cool a bit - they get more crunchy but remain chewy and soft in the middle!
NOM NOM NOM
Saturday, 12 June 2010
Photomagraphs
I took these photos when I went to Canary Wharf with Joe one afternoon. I'm pleased with them.
Sunday, 6 June 2010
Sleeping with the light on
I tried to write this blog lots of times but I couldn't phrase it right.
The short and short of it is that it's a really nice feeling when people show they care about you. Like when my friends try to make me go to bed, because they know I'm having trouble sleeping lately.
Things are not great right now. I've got insomnia at the moment, like I usually do around exam season. This is making all the stress seem worse and as a result of this I feel pretty much constantly sick. But I know it will be over soon and I know I've got a couple of people to see me through the worst bit and I know it'll be fine in the end.
Nearly every time I've looked at a clock for the past 13 hours, it's been 11 minutes past the hour. The only one I missed was 11.11, which is the only one I care about. Sod's law hehe.
3.24am. 5th consecutive night that I'm awake past midnight. Bad.
The short and short of it is that it's a really nice feeling when people show they care about you. Like when my friends try to make me go to bed, because they know I'm having trouble sleeping lately.
Things are not great right now. I've got insomnia at the moment, like I usually do around exam season. This is making all the stress seem worse and as a result of this I feel pretty much constantly sick. But I know it will be over soon and I know I've got a couple of people to see me through the worst bit and I know it'll be fine in the end.
Nearly every time I've looked at a clock for the past 13 hours, it's been 11 minutes past the hour. The only one I missed was 11.11, which is the only one I care about. Sod's law hehe.
3.24am. 5th consecutive night that I'm awake past midnight. Bad.
Saturday, 5 June 2010
I literally hate England. I always knew I hated England but I thought that I at least liked London. But I figured out this evening that I don’t even like that. I thought I loved London because of the skyline and the famous landmarks and the diversity and the hustle and bustle. And then I realised that you get these in any city. The only thing about London specifically that I like is that I’m not a tourist there. I know it well, I feel at home there and I enjoy not being a foreigner in such a famous place. But I don’t actually like London itself. The English weather is really getting me down. Everyone’s having braingasms over the sun and the heat, whereas I just find myself dreading it becoming grey and wet again, which is inevitable. I get SAD (Seasonal Affected Disorder) really badly and we get sufficient UV rays in England for a week at a time, tops. It just doesn’t cut it. Not to mention everyone (most people) in England are just moany gits. I’m being a moany git now. I wonder why? BECAUSE I LIVE HERE. We’re all so freakin’ uptight and unsatisfied with everything, and it’s completely understandable. I don’t want to dwell on politics, but what I will say is that our governmental system is so messed up that it only looks good in comparison to Zimbabwe’s. There’s nothing that sets England apart from any other country, we have no positive stereotypes. We might seem all quirky and awesome from the point of view of other nationalities, but it’s all total rubbish. We don’t drink tea all the time (but what would it matter if we did, tea isn’t even British) and we do not say “top hole” and “chap” in day to day conversations.
I’m going to stay in England for university and I’m going to start myself off as something. And then once I’ve got something to show for myself, I’m out of here and I’m starting again. I’m going somewhere where the gaseous fire ball in the sky actually does something remotely useful, and where the human beings are pleased to be on this planet.
I’m going to stay in England for university and I’m going to start myself off as something. And then once I’ve got something to show for myself, I’m out of here and I’m starting again. I’m going somewhere where the gaseous fire ball in the sky actually does something remotely useful, and where the human beings are pleased to be on this planet.
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Tonight is a good, good night. Ooh ooh.
I'm sitting in my room typing this.
Joe is to my left, writing me a letter in my notebook that he has a matching one to.
A plate of Smarties cookies that we made together are to Joe's right.
We're surrounded by guitars that we have been playing together.
A bit later we're going to write a song.
It's times like this that I just feel so content with everything. I've got my best friend in the world next to me and we ate pizza and we made cookies and seriously, what more could anyone want?
I love Joe so so so so so so so so much (':
Joe is to my left, writing me a letter in my notebook that he has a matching one to.
A plate of Smarties cookies that we made together are to Joe's right.
We're surrounded by guitars that we have been playing together.
A bit later we're going to write a song.
It's times like this that I just feel so content with everything. I've got my best friend in the world next to me and we ate pizza and we made cookies and seriously, what more could anyone want?
I love Joe so so so so so so so so much (':
Friday, 28 May 2010
Today was my last day of school
I pretty much hated sixth form. Towards the end of it I started liking it a bit more because I had an actual friendship group again. But compared to 03-08, the experience was not very much. I’ve been excited about finishing there for so long, and I’ve been saying for weeks that I have no emotional attachment to the place and that leaving would be a doddle. I was wrong. It’s stupid because I knew I was kidding myself the whole time. It was so easy to leave the place and to leave the majority of the people. For the pure fact that a lot of them I either don’t like or don’t know. And it was easy to say goodbye to the people I know I’m going to keep in touch with. The thing that really got to me was saying goodbye to the people I have so much history and so many memories with who I know I won’t keep in touch with. Because let’s face it, you can’t stay in touch with everyone. There were a couple of people in particular that I found it excruciating to part with, for the sole reason that I know it probably was goodbye for good. What made the day so much more dimensional was that an old friend of mine who left the school last year came to visit. I hadn’t seen him properly in about a year, and it was only when I went up to him and hugged him that I realised how much I’ve missed him. We might not have much in common anymore, but we were close for so long and I have so many in-jokes, memories and shared experiences with him. It was so amazing yet so emotional to be kind of reunited with Nick (‘: And then this afternoon as I was going into work I saw another friend who I haven’t seen in a year. Pete is the year above me and I’ve known him since year 11 and we spent a lot of time together last year and then he went off to uni and that was kind of it. But he’s back for the summer and working in the same place as me so we crossed paths this afternoon. We literally spoke for around 15 seconds but again, it made me realise how much I’ve missed him.
I’m lucky in that I didn’t suffer at school. I was never badly bullied and I always got/get (touch wood) good grades without having to slog my guts. But the last two years have definitely not been massively enjoyable. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made some friends for life over the past 20 or so months, new friends that I didn’t have beforehand. But the experience of actually being in sixth form was not good. Maybe that’s because I had years 7-11 to compare it with, which I loved so much. Whatever the case is with that, I’m so glad I’m out of that place. It presented me with some nice people, some amazing people, but a few too many awful people. It’s over now though, and it’s full steam ahead. Full steam ahead with my exams and full steam ahead with the rest of everything.
I’m lucky in that I didn’t suffer at school. I was never badly bullied and I always got/get (touch wood) good grades without having to slog my guts. But the last two years have definitely not been massively enjoyable. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made some friends for life over the past 20 or so months, new friends that I didn’t have beforehand. But the experience of actually being in sixth form was not good. Maybe that’s because I had years 7-11 to compare it with, which I loved so much. Whatever the case is with that, I’m so glad I’m out of that place. It presented me with some nice people, some amazing people, but a few too many awful people. It’s over now though, and it’s full steam ahead. Full steam ahead with my exams and full steam ahead with the rest of everything.
Thursday, 27 May 2010
Today
Today was sooooo good.
I had my second to last day of school which finished early. So I blipped (blup) over to Joe's house and then we went up to London. We went with the intent of buying notebooks for our genius thought processes. But in the end we couldn't find ones awesome enough for us. So we went for a wander around the green bits in the Canary Wharf area and I took lots of photos and we just generally were laughing most of the afternoon (: After Canary Wharf we blipped (blup) to the o2 and here is an example of what induced serious lols:
Me and Joe at the o2, discussing the people who were going to see Black Eyed Peas tonight...
Joe: I think they've all got a feeling.
Jocy: I think that they've all got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night.
Joe: I think they've got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good, GOOD night.
Jocy: Oooh oooh.
AND AND AND
Joe: I would have bought a notebook if you had!
Jocy: Well I would have bought one if you had!
Joe: Ugh that's so dumb.
Jocy: Exactly. We need to stop being so codependent and start thinking for ourselves.
Joe: ...
Jocy: Actually no, that's ridiculous, forget I said that.
Joe: Yeah, that was a really STUPID idea.
I have too much love for the Cleaver :D
I had my second to last day of school which finished early. So I blipped (blup) over to Joe's house and then we went up to London. We went with the intent of buying notebooks for our genius thought processes. But in the end we couldn't find ones awesome enough for us. So we went for a wander around the green bits in the Canary Wharf area and I took lots of photos and we just generally were laughing most of the afternoon (: After Canary Wharf we blipped (blup) to the o2 and here is an example of what induced serious lols:
Me and Joe at the o2, discussing the people who were going to see Black Eyed Peas tonight...
Joe: I think they've all got a feeling.
Jocy: I think that they've all got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night.
Joe: I think they've got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good, GOOD night.
Jocy: Oooh oooh.
AND AND AND
Joe: I would have bought a notebook if you had!
Jocy: Well I would have bought one if you had!
Joe: Ugh that's so dumb.
Jocy: Exactly. We need to stop being so codependent and start thinking for ourselves.
Joe: ...
Jocy: Actually no, that's ridiculous, forget I said that.
Joe: Yeah, that was a really STUPID idea.
I have too much love for the Cleaver :D
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Unwelcome changes.
After a 5 month hoohar I have finally got an offer from a uni I want to go to on a course I want to do with do-able grade requirements. I wanted this so much and I am very happy, but it's going to take some time to get used to.
I really had thought for the past 5 months that I was going to do a gap year. And as a result of this I'd mentally prepared myself for this, made plans and let myself get excited.
After hearing from the university yesterday, I was initially euphoric, on top of the world. And then I got reality checks. Realising that I'm not going to be able to see my best friend twice a week anymore and realising that I'm not going to have my bedroom to go to whenever I want. Reality checks about how I'm going to now be spending my free time after September and reality checks about who I'll be spending my time with.
I'm finding it really hard getting my head around all of this. It's horribly bittersweet because I honestly did put up such a fight to get to this point UCAS-wise, so obviously I'm thrilled to bits that I finally got to where I want to be. But it is so, so hard for me to get my head around how severe and significant the changes are going to be.
I wish I could have my cake and eat it; go to university and take parts of my life now with me )':
I really had thought for the past 5 months that I was going to do a gap year. And as a result of this I'd mentally prepared myself for this, made plans and let myself get excited.
After hearing from the university yesterday, I was initially euphoric, on top of the world. And then I got reality checks. Realising that I'm not going to be able to see my best friend twice a week anymore and realising that I'm not going to have my bedroom to go to whenever I want. Reality checks about how I'm going to now be spending my free time after September and reality checks about who I'll be spending my time with.
I'm finding it really hard getting my head around all of this. It's horribly bittersweet because I honestly did put up such a fight to get to this point UCAS-wise, so obviously I'm thrilled to bits that I finally got to where I want to be. But it is so, so hard for me to get my head around how severe and significant the changes are going to be.
I wish I could have my cake and eat it; go to university and take parts of my life now with me )':
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
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Sunday, 16 May 2010
You're the sugar in my high
Yesterday was amazing. I got to do lots of my favourite things all in one day :D Here is a list of these things:
- see Joe
- get pick n mix
- sit and chat with Joe whilst eating pick n mix
- go to London
- go to Pizza Hut
- go to Cyber Candy
- see a musical
- have ice cream in the interval
- go to China Town
- have iced tea
- go into hysterics in a public place
Those are lots of my favourite things. That I did all in one day (‘:
By the way the title of this blog is from "Chemicals Collide" by Boys Like Girls. I think the lyrics are perfeCCCt.
- see Joe
- get pick n mix
- sit and chat with Joe whilst eating pick n mix
- go to London
- go to Pizza Hut
- go to Cyber Candy
- see a musical
- have ice cream in the interval
- go to China Town
- have iced tea
- go into hysterics in a public place
Those are lots of my favourite things. That I did all in one day (‘:
By the way the title of this blog is from "Chemicals Collide" by Boys Like Girls. I think the lyrics are perfeCCCt.
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
My favourite word
unconditional |ˌənkənˈdi sh ənl; -ˈdi sh nəl|
adjective
not subject to any conditions
When you can grasp, from personal experience, the sheer profundity of this word at its best, you're lucky.
I'm lucky.
adjective
not subject to any conditions
When you can grasp, from personal experience, the sheer profundity of this word at its best, you're lucky.
I'm lucky.
Monday, 10 May 2010
BEDOM #4 day 10
Yesterday was one of the most exhausting days I can remember.
I did some filming for this thing for my friend’s uni project and it was fun but so TIRING and it took like 7 hours to complete.
And then me and Joe started heading home and the journey should have taken about 2 hours and needed 2 trains but NOTHING was running and we had to get 2 trains and a transfer bus and a public bus. It was so exhausting. Though what was really good was getting a bus from Lewisham to Stratford because even though it was a massive trek and took forever, the bus went RIGHT THROUGH Greenwich, which is like the prettiest part of London. And me and Joe decided we’re going to be next door neighbours there when we grow up. The journey took FOUR HOURS. I went to bed early and slept straight through for 8 hours, but I’m still so shattered.
MORE NEWS, however, is that I think I have found the perfect uni course for me to do when I do go to uni :D Which is good. Especially for an indecisive FREAK like me. :D
I did some filming for this thing for my friend’s uni project and it was fun but so TIRING and it took like 7 hours to complete.
And then me and Joe started heading home and the journey should have taken about 2 hours and needed 2 trains but NOTHING was running and we had to get 2 trains and a transfer bus and a public bus. It was so exhausting. Though what was really good was getting a bus from Lewisham to Stratford because even though it was a massive trek and took forever, the bus went RIGHT THROUGH Greenwich, which is like the prettiest part of London. And me and Joe decided we’re going to be next door neighbours there when we grow up. The journey took FOUR HOURS. I went to bed early and slept straight through for 8 hours, but I’m still so shattered.
MORE NEWS, however, is that I think I have found the perfect uni course for me to do when I do go to uni :D Which is good. Especially for an indecisive FREAK like me. :D
Saturday, 8 May 2010
BEDOM #4 day 8
I haven't BEDOM'ed much lately because I had a totally horrideous time at school. I had my French A2 oral exam which surprisingly went very well, but the buildup was atrocious. For other reasons it's been a really hard week. Probably mainly because everything has been living in Monday April 26th's shadow. Everything has been horribly generic. The end of school just cannot come fast enough. Yet I'm dreading May 28th because I'm terrified about my exams. I can't wait for June 29th. I've already made plans for the week after I finish school forever, so that is the light at the end of the tunnel.
I can't post this blog without mentioning politics. The England is in a horrific political situation at the moment. I won't go into details because if anyone reading this wants to know me they should get their information from a more reliable source than me :P But we basically don't have anyone REALLY in charge at the moment, because the general public has made it clear they don't want the current prime minister to run the country, but the other candidates didn't get enough votes either. Yes, it is as ridiculous as it sounds. No, England does not run on democracy. I don't care what anyone else says, I really don't think it is. I hate the UK governmental system. It's a total farce, sham, scam, joke and abomination.
And just for the record, yes, I did go to the polling station on Thursday.
I can't post this blog without mentioning politics. The England is in a horrific political situation at the moment. I won't go into details because if anyone reading this wants to know me they should get their information from a more reliable source than me :P But we basically don't have anyone REALLY in charge at the moment, because the general public has made it clear they don't want the current prime minister to run the country, but the other candidates didn't get enough votes either. Yes, it is as ridiculous as it sounds. No, England does not run on democracy. I don't care what anyone else says, I really don't think it is. I hate the UK governmental system. It's a total farce, sham, scam, joke and abomination.
And just for the record, yes, I did go to the polling station on Thursday.
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