It's time for my annual blog about the past year. I've done this every year since 2007, which is scary because I remember when I first decided to do one and now that was 5 years ago which is a quarter of my life. I'M OLDDDDDDDD.
Anyway, 2012 was a good year. The first few months weren't anything amazing. I totally loved my course (as usual) and had a nice time at uni with my Media friends, but my self confidence was low and I was suffering from very bad anxiety. I didn't want to socialise and I felt quite lonely. It wasn't the best. However, when it got to June everything started looking up. I went to Madeira with my family and with Stuart, which was absolutely incredible and I got to SWIM WITH DOLPHINS which was a lifelong dream of mine! And not in one of those awful tanks either, it was in the sea in the wild! It was just incredible. Putting my head underwater and being surrounded by about 30 dolphins, and hearing their whistles and clicks was one of the most amazing moments. It was jut wonderful.
In July I got to move into the house with Stuart and the boys. This was immediately a weight off my shoulders and a great relief. Shortly after this were the 2012 Olympic Games. I volunteered at my university was which was Pre-Games Training Camp for the South African, Chinese, Japanese and Irish athletics teams. It was such a brilliant experience! It converted me from an Olympic-cynic into an absolute Olympic fangirl. I got to meet some lovely people in the form of the other volunteers, such as Laura, Emma, Dan and Abbie and of course the hilarious Charlie. The people who were running the Camp were amazing and we just had the best time together. Having the opportunity to not only watch these world-class athletes train, but to also get to know them was such a once in a lifetime, and it felt really special to know we were helping them prepare for the biggest events of their lives so far. I got to meet some unbelievably famous faces such as Caster Semanya, Maria Mutola and Oscar Pistorius. And then, to add the icing on top of the cake, to thank me and Stuart for all our efforts (we did 6 weeks of full time volunteering) we got given tickets to see the Athletics in the Oympic Stadium for free! So we got to watch Jessica Ennis do some of her Heptathlon events, as well as Usain Bolt doing his 100m!!! So incredible! On top of this it so happened that the cycle races and time trials went straight past my uni, so we all got to go and cheer Team GB on by the side of the road together. The atmosphere was just mind-blowing and it really touched me how the spectators cheered on ALL the cyclists and not just our teams. It was perfect. Another highlight of this time was watching the Opening Ceremony with all of the volunteers and coordinators in the Link Room on campus. We all got takeaway Nando's and it was such fun. Later on, in October, I also went to see the Paralympic Athletics at the Olympic Stadium with my parents, Stuart, David and my wonderful friend Becky. It was equally amazing, if not more. I was delighted to be able to absorb the atmosphere of the Games some more, because it really was electric.
In August I went on a last minute spur of the moment holiday to Kavos, Corfu with two of my best friends from school Sarah and Katie. We hadn't all hung out together in YEARS, but we had such a lovely time! Even though the hotel/environment wasn't entirely up our streets (clubby!) we made the best of it and had a wonderful week in the scorching sun. We swam and went to the beach and had ice creams and all got on so so well, it was lovely. I really needed some guaranteed sun so it was perfect, and a lovely thing to round off my summer with.
So this brings me to September, when I started the first semester of my final year of university. Honestly, this is when I feel like I really came into my own at university. All the modules I studied this past semester have been WONDERFUL. I did a module about Disney, a module about Digital Imaging, Online Broadcasting and also my Practical Dissertation. I really found myself in a proper friendship group for the first time since halls, and this time I am so sure they are my friends for life. We spent day in day out together and even though we had an obscene amount of work and had to be at uni for about 15 hours a day, 7 days a week, the people I was with made sure that I still had the time of my life. I was very proud of myself in regards to Digital Imaging, because in the first few lectures I struggled SO much and I was genuinely sure that I would fail. But I went home and practised and I did this until I wasn't bad at it, and I am extremely proud of my finished results. Disney was the best module I have ever studied in my life...and not only because we got to go on a FIELD TRIP TO DISNEYLAND PARIS!!!!!
This was one of the best weekends of my life, 24th November - 26th November. It has been a dream of mine since I was 10 years old and first went to Disney World with my family that one day I could go to Disney with my friends. And that weekend my dream came true. It was utterly perfect, I cannot think of a single way that it could have been any better. The people I was with were just wonderful, there was not a singly dispute between us the whole weekend, we just spent the whole weekend being awe-inspired and laughing together. I went on my first ever rollercoasters too and loved them! Something that was recurring throughout the weekend was the support system we all had for eachother. This began on the way there when a couple of people felt travel sick and everyone rallied to help make them better. Then, that evening, we were deciding whether or not at 8.30 we wanted to bite the bullet and go to Paris for a few hours. I began feeling anxious because obviously we don't know the area well, it was dark, it was late, I was worried I was going to get ill...and everyone was just so lovely to me. Rebecca was particularly brilliant, I remember her just looking at me and saying that we were all there looking out for eachother and that I have to ignore the anxiety and just DO IT because no one would let anything bad happent to me and that this was one of the times where we just have to DO IT or we'd regret it forever, and that in the end I'd feel proud of myself for it. Simon refused to leave us and came with, and he helped me find a toilet when we arrived and I was desperate :D Amy, as usual, looked out for me and we stuck together in a situation when we were both out of our comfort zones. All I can say is that Rebecca was completely right and that we all owe Jess and Ellie for just going and buying their tickets, otherwise I don't think any of us would have. It was one of the most special nights of my life, and even though we were only there for a couple of hours, it was a couple of hours that I'll remember forever. Even when it came to rollercoasters everyone looked out for eachother! And by eachother, I mean me :P I was the only one who had never been on one before and the first one we rode was the Indiana Jones ride, and it went upside down! Tall Simon held my hand the whole time and I kept my eyes firmly shut :P But I truly loved it and went on many others. I also had to hold Nasima's hand on the Rock n Roller Coaster :P The rest of the weekend in Disney was just unbelievable. All the feelings that I had when I went a decade previously came flooding back, and the fact that it was all Christmassy just added to the magic. It was just mind-blowing, I had the time of my life and I just cannot emphasise that any more.
The weekend after Disney my birthday celebrations continued. Stuart took me for a posh afternoon tea in South Kensington, and after this we went to see Matilda the Musical courtesy of his parents! It was brilliant. And then the week after THAT, something VERY SPECIAL happened. I finally, after waiting since 2006, got to see...AMERICAN IDIOT THE MUSICAL!!!!!!!!! This was first mentioned online in 2006, when Billie Joe said that they wrote the album as a rock opera and would like to see it performed onstage. Years after this, it went to Broadway and then toured America, and then years after that, it FINALLY came for a London tour! It did not disappoint, and sitting in the third row with Stuart, Megg and David was another dream come true. I still can't really believe I finally got to see it, at the age of 21 having been 15 when I first heard about it. What are the chances of that! And my parents came too and also loved it which was brilliant.
So really, this brings me to now...the end of December. And it's not over yet because the day after tomorrow I am going to NEW YORK CITY with mum, dad, Jake, nana, grandpa and Stuart!!!! Mum has always said she wanted to take me to New York for my 21st, so we incorporated it with celebrations for my parents' 21st anniversary and my grandparents' 55th anniversary. I just can't believe I'm so lucky to be going to NYC with my amazing family and my boyfriend!!!!! I really am living the absolute dream, and I am SO excited!!! I need to pack now actually. But before that, I need to complete my checklist of the aims I made for 2012 by seeing if I achieved them. Then I'll give a quick commentary of the things that I looked forward to for this year. Lastly I'll make similar lists for 2013. Here we go:
AIMS FOR 2012
- Continue enjoying my course
DEFINITELY. I love it more and more each week to be honest, because every week I become closer with my friends and every week I learn some more. I can't believe that this time next year it will all be over ): I wish I could continue studying Media Arts forever, part of my wishes that anyway.
- Get a 2:1 at the end of second year
Yep (: I got 67.3, which is 2.7% off of a First!!!
- Stay with Stuart
Of course (:
- Not have arguments
I didn't really have any arguments that I can recall. This may have been my downfall on some occasions though because I think some stuff happened that I should have called people up on but I didn't have the guts to. I need to strike the balance between non-confrontational but still assertive of my right to be treated nicely
- Lose weight
Dream on
- Keep my hair in good conditioning PARTICULARLY by not straightening it very much at all
It is SO MUCH BETTER! It's finally growing! And I didn't straighten it for about 4 months over the summer! Now I'm doing it about once a fortnight and I've stopped putting permanent dye on it too.
- Start thinking seriously about what I want to do after uni
I've applied for 2 jobs if that counts? :P I know what I'd like to do but am not pinning my hopes on one thing.
- Turn 21 in a calm and sensible fashion :D
- Do not get mature. That would be tragic.
As if
- Do something lovely with Stuart for our one year annimaversary (:
We went out for Italian food and had epic sized pizzas with amazing gelato
- Sort out my anxiety issues and just feel less ill and more healthy
Unfortunately not. I need to work on this a lot.
THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2012
- Completing the second year of my course
It was brilliant.
- Going to Madeira with my family and Stuart and uncle Warren
Brilliant
- Michael McIntyre with Stuart and his family
Oh yeah! This was also brilliant.
- Green Day American Idiot musical!!!!!
BRILLIANTTT
- NEW YORK
AAHHHHH I HOPE IT'S BRILLIANT
- Losing weight
This would have been brilliant :P
AIMS FOR 2013
- get a First in my degree. Really I'm setting myself up for a 2:1, but if I get a 2:1 I know I'll be devastated, and I'm definitely aiming for a First.
- sort out my anxiety
- continue getting long hair
- after graduation, get a job that I love and that utilises my degree
- stay in contact with my brilliant lecturers
- I just got a text from Amy about an idea for a short film...so it is now an aim to make that short film
- vlog/blog regularly
- move out....this is ambitious and unlikely, but it would be great
- get on better with Jake
- stay with Stuart
- stay best friends with the wonderful Media Arts girls
- sing at the last SMarts acoustic night at uni
- do some travelling
THINGS I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2013
- starting the year in NEW YORK CITY!!!! I can't believe that when I go back to commentate on this next year I'll have already done this when right now it is still a dream!
- my Arts and Culture module
- doing my practical dissertation
- making my Online Broadcasting documentary
- going to our apartment timeshare in Portugal with family and Stuart
- hopefully entering the world as a graduated real life human and hopefully doing well in it and not having a nervous breakdown and quarter-life crisis
So that is my 2012. The latter half was unbelievably good. And it's not even over yet! I feel very lucky and would like to thank all the people who contributed to the brilliant times I have had. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 26 December 2012
Tuesday, 18 December 2012
I didn't get a chance to complete this blog and post it at the right time so here it is rather late and I will continue it but in the present tense shortly!
CHAPTER ONE: BIRTHDAY THINGS
On Tuesday night my parents took me and Stuart to my favourite restaurant for my birthday. It's a very fancy seafood restaurant and as a pescetarian, suits me perfectly. I had the most glorious starter which was warm goats cheese on beetroot salad. I was worried that the salad would be all rocket and I don't like rocket so was so happy when it was a mixture of normal lettuce leaves. The slab of goats cheese was incredible and as well as chunks of beetroot it had this delicious beetroot puree drizzled over it...mmmmmmm!!! And and and because I think there must be a Jew somewhere in the business, you get fresh challah rolls with your food! PERFECT. For main course I had baked salmon with hollandaise sauce which was DELISH. We ordered dauphinoise potatoes, gigantic chips and cauliflower cheese as side dishes and it was all just marvellous. For dessert we all had roasted pineapple with caramel sauce and coconut ice cream. Need I say more?
Last night I went for a lovely meal with some of my best friends on my Media course. Nasima's birthday is next week so it was joint for both of us. We went to Bill's which is another of my favourite restaurants. The food is yummy and quirky, and the decor is just adorable and eclectic, such a great atmosphere. Unfortunately I didn't like my risotto because it had CHUNKS OF SAGE IN IT which it transpires taste exactly like how toilet cleaner smells. But my dessert was one of the best I've ever tasted...lemon meringue pie cheesecake!! Layer of buttery biscuit base, layer of cheesecakey moussey cream, layer of lemon curd, scoops of frozen yoghurt and topped with marshmallowy blowtorched meringue! It was GLORIOS!
It was a lovely evening. I feel very sad that we have only just all become close, so near to the end. Typical eh? I only have myself to blame because I felt so low most of last year that I just didn't really talk to or socialise with anyone. So it's my own fault. I just want to make the most of my time with them till we graduate in the spring now.
CHAPTER TWO: DISNEYLAND PARIS
On Tuesday night my parents took me and Stuart to my favourite restaurant for my birthday. It's a very fancy seafood restaurant and as a pescetarian, suits me perfectly. I had the most glorious starter which was warm goats cheese on beetroot salad. I was worried that the salad would be all rocket and I don't like rocket so was so happy when it was a mixture of normal lettuce leaves. The slab of goats cheese was incredible and as well as chunks of beetroot it had this delicious beetroot puree drizzled over it...mmmmmmm!!! And and and because I think there must be a Jew somewhere in the business, you get fresh challah rolls with your food! PERFECT. For main course I had baked salmon with hollandaise sauce which was DELISH. We ordered dauphinoise potatoes, gigantic chips and cauliflower cheese as side dishes and it was all just marvellous. For dessert we all had roasted pineapple with caramel sauce and coconut ice cream. Need I say more?
Last night I went for a lovely meal with some of my best friends on my Media course. Nasima's birthday is next week so it was joint for both of us. We went to Bill's which is another of my favourite restaurants. The food is yummy and quirky, and the decor is just adorable and eclectic, such a great atmosphere. Unfortunately I didn't like my risotto because it had CHUNKS OF SAGE IN IT which it transpires taste exactly like how toilet cleaner smells. But my dessert was one of the best I've ever tasted...lemon meringue pie cheesecake!! Layer of buttery biscuit base, layer of cheesecakey moussey cream, layer of lemon curd, scoops of frozen yoghurt and topped with marshmallowy blowtorched meringue! It was GLORIOS!
It was a lovely evening. I feel very sad that we have only just all become close, so near to the end. Typical eh? I only have myself to blame because I felt so low most of last year that I just didn't really talk to or socialise with anyone. So it's my own fault. I just want to make the most of my time with them till we graduate in the spring now.
CHAPTER TWO: DISNEYLAND PARIS
Sunday, 18 November 2012
CHAPTER ONE: THE INTERVIEW
On Tuesday me and my OB group went to interview Wil Harris, managing director of ChannelFlip. There's not even really much to say because it went so incredibly smoothly. To be fair, we did a lot of prep, so I feel it was well-deserved. I enjoyed chatting with Wil SO much, everything he had to say was genuinely fascinating for an Internet addict such as myself. The things he does as his career are the things I love as my hobbies, so discussing this with him was invaluable to me. Some of the questions I asked him were off-script and a bit divergent from our documentary title, but I just had to say them! And anyway, that's what editing is for :p I'm very proud of myself because I didn't let any nerves get the better of me, I enjoyed every moment and I'm pleased with how I came across in the footage. I know that it will be cracking stuff for our final project. The others were incredible at teching the whole thing too, they did it PERFECTLY and the main footage couldn't have come out any better. From a job point of view, whether or not I made a good impression I have no idea. I tried to be friendly and casual and funny and nice, but who knows. I feel like torturing myself analysing every word I said is futile, because I don't know what sort of person Wil likes. I can only hope it's me. When I told him I had applied for the job he said I had the right nails to work there (sparkly with multi coloured flowers), so maybe that'll work in my favour! As I said, futile. Just hoping and hoping.
CHAPTER TWO: HOME
On Friday me and Stuart came back to my house, so did Jake, as it's my birthday on Monday (tomorrow now) and the whole family came over yesterday to celebrate. There were:
Mum
Dad
Jake
Grandparents x4
Uncles x3
First cousin
Future aunt
Future first cousin
Second cousins x2
Great aunts x2
Great aunt's boyfriend
Grandma's cousin
Stuart
It was quite something. We had a lovely time and the work mum put into everything was just incredible. I've been telling her for weeks to get it all from Costco and she works from 7.30am to 6.30pm every day, but she made so so much. She did a glorious pescetarian dinner buffet and then she served homemade sparkly cupcakes, lemon and orange Jaffa cakes, pistachio and apricot mousses, Cointreau-soaked melon balls and a personalised Costco birthday cake. That was the only thing she bought in. She even made vol au vents! She's the best mum in the world. It was all delicious. Oh and her piece de resistance was this GLORIOUS vegetarian sweetie platter that she constructed to look like a cake! It was like a dream! I had a great time with all my relatives, they're all so hilarious and barmy and generous and ridiculous. Everything you could want from a family. Genuinely no idea how Stuart copes with them all!
CHAPTER THREE: THINGS TO COME
I mentioned in a previous blog how spectacular November should be. So firstly we had the prize winning ice skating, then there was the interview, then there was my family do, Monday is my actual birthday, and my best friend Samantha's, so we are having our traditional joint meal, Tuesday my parents are taking me and Stuart to my favourite very fancy seafood restaurant, Thursday is the joint birthday meal me and Nasima are having for the media girls as her birthday is just after mine, and Saturday.... I AM GOING TO DISNEYLAND PARIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This will get its own blogpost in the next few days. And then next Wednesday Stuart is taking me for afternoon tea in a posh boutique hotel as my birthday treat! And I also have a surprise of some sort on that day that I don't find out about till Monday...wow!!!!!!!!
As it's 3.19am that is all for now, more details soon! But here's some photos of the food today first. Byeee x
On Tuesday me and my OB group went to interview Wil Harris, managing director of ChannelFlip. There's not even really much to say because it went so incredibly smoothly. To be fair, we did a lot of prep, so I feel it was well-deserved. I enjoyed chatting with Wil SO much, everything he had to say was genuinely fascinating for an Internet addict such as myself. The things he does as his career are the things I love as my hobbies, so discussing this with him was invaluable to me. Some of the questions I asked him were off-script and a bit divergent from our documentary title, but I just had to say them! And anyway, that's what editing is for :p I'm very proud of myself because I didn't let any nerves get the better of me, I enjoyed every moment and I'm pleased with how I came across in the footage. I know that it will be cracking stuff for our final project. The others were incredible at teching the whole thing too, they did it PERFECTLY and the main footage couldn't have come out any better. From a job point of view, whether or not I made a good impression I have no idea. I tried to be friendly and casual and funny and nice, but who knows. I feel like torturing myself analysing every word I said is futile, because I don't know what sort of person Wil likes. I can only hope it's me. When I told him I had applied for the job he said I had the right nails to work there (sparkly with multi coloured flowers), so maybe that'll work in my favour! As I said, futile. Just hoping and hoping.
CHAPTER TWO: HOME
On Friday me and Stuart came back to my house, so did Jake, as it's my birthday on Monday (tomorrow now) and the whole family came over yesterday to celebrate. There were:
Mum
Dad
Jake
Grandparents x4
Uncles x3
First cousin
Future aunt
Future first cousin
Second cousins x2
Great aunts x2
Great aunt's boyfriend
Grandma's cousin
Stuart
It was quite something. We had a lovely time and the work mum put into everything was just incredible. I've been telling her for weeks to get it all from Costco and she works from 7.30am to 6.30pm every day, but she made so so much. She did a glorious pescetarian dinner buffet and then she served homemade sparkly cupcakes, lemon and orange Jaffa cakes, pistachio and apricot mousses, Cointreau-soaked melon balls and a personalised Costco birthday cake. That was the only thing she bought in. She even made vol au vents! She's the best mum in the world. It was all delicious. Oh and her piece de resistance was this GLORIOUS vegetarian sweetie platter that she constructed to look like a cake! It was like a dream! I had a great time with all my relatives, they're all so hilarious and barmy and generous and ridiculous. Everything you could want from a family. Genuinely no idea how Stuart copes with them all!
CHAPTER THREE: THINGS TO COME
I mentioned in a previous blog how spectacular November should be. So firstly we had the prize winning ice skating, then there was the interview, then there was my family do, Monday is my actual birthday, and my best friend Samantha's, so we are having our traditional joint meal, Tuesday my parents are taking me and Stuart to my favourite very fancy seafood restaurant, Thursday is the joint birthday meal me and Nasima are having for the media girls as her birthday is just after mine, and Saturday.... I AM GOING TO DISNEYLAND PARIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This will get its own blogpost in the next few days. And then next Wednesday Stuart is taking me for afternoon tea in a posh boutique hotel as my birthday treat! And I also have a surprise of some sort on that day that I don't find out about till Monday...wow!!!!!!!!
As it's 3.19am that is all for now, more details soon! But here's some photos of the food today first. Byeee x
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
5am isn't fun when you're not watching the US election coverage!
In 5 hours me and my Online Broadcasting group will be off to central London to visit the HQ of the company that I've applied for the job at to interview the CEO for our project. It's 4.36am, and my being awake is not really ideal, but I think I'd have been kidding myself if I believed I would have slept through tonight. I haven't had a good night for about a week now and it wasn't gonna fix itself now. HO HUM.
Yesterday it occurred to me that maybe I was making too much of a big deal about this because after all, it's not like I've got a job or even an interview with them at this point, it might not have even occurred to WH that meeting me today is a mitigating factor, probably NO ONE thinks this is anything other than what is is. Until my lecturer came to give us our filming kit yesterday and before he left the room he said "Isn't it scary that your whole career might ride in tomorrow Jocy!" THANKS LEE, THANKS.
Ever since I tried to DO Media as an actual legitimate career, probably when I went to the Channel 4 open day in 2010, I have been told and told that your personality and just generally how you come across is so important because its a sociable industry, it's more often than not quite laid back and not stiff and starchy. People DO care about what the people they spend time around are like, they want to know that they're going to be bold and unique and fun and generally not annoying and lazy...this is why this is important to me! When WH goes through the CVs and cover letters he will be able to put a face and persona to the words on mine, and if he just point blank didn't like me then I'm going in the bin...only 16 people work at this place, they're not gonna want someone who isn't LIKED. I just want to be liked.
This seems very relevant particularly now given the subject of Charlie's recent vlog about human nature boiling down to us wanting to be liked. With this job, I know I have the skill-set, he can see that from my application, but today I have the opportunity to make myself likeable. That's a lot of pressure, as Charlie says. I'll put a link to his video here when I'm not on my phone.
I think I will try to get a bit more sleep now as I don't want to be yawning through the interview. I made myself a nice little flash card with the questions written on it. Surprisingly I'm not nervous at all really about the actual interview side of it. I think because I have faith in my improvisation ability I kind of just think, well what's the worst that can happen? No one wants to see me do badly and if something goes wrong I can stop and do that bit again. I do love that about editing. I feel a lot less stressed than I ever did about going on stage when I acted. I feel like I have more scope to be myself, because on stage you have to get a portrayal of someone/something PERFECT, and that's really not a thing that happens in real life. On screen I can just be myself and see what happens and keep the best of me in the final cut and put the not so great parts in the recycling bin. That's more like real life in my opinion, because we do stuff wrong and have to learn from it, get over it and then try to be a better version of ourself.
Anyway, I'm sure I'll write another blog later. I wonder what the tone of that one will be!!
Xxx
By the way look at this panorama I did of the tv studio at uni! This was when we did a practise set up this afternoon. I am so ecstatic that this is where I get to do my work...I was never a sit in a lecture theatre sort of person, and this is just what I always dreamed of when I was at school. I saw things like this when I went to uni open days in 2009 and I was so envious of the students looking so in their elements and at home in creative spaces like this, and now I'm one of them! I feel truly lucky.
Yesterday it occurred to me that maybe I was making too much of a big deal about this because after all, it's not like I've got a job or even an interview with them at this point, it might not have even occurred to WH that meeting me today is a mitigating factor, probably NO ONE thinks this is anything other than what is is. Until my lecturer came to give us our filming kit yesterday and before he left the room he said "Isn't it scary that your whole career might ride in tomorrow Jocy!" THANKS LEE, THANKS.
Ever since I tried to DO Media as an actual legitimate career, probably when I went to the Channel 4 open day in 2010, I have been told and told that your personality and just generally how you come across is so important because its a sociable industry, it's more often than not quite laid back and not stiff and starchy. People DO care about what the people they spend time around are like, they want to know that they're going to be bold and unique and fun and generally not annoying and lazy...this is why this is important to me! When WH goes through the CVs and cover letters he will be able to put a face and persona to the words on mine, and if he just point blank didn't like me then I'm going in the bin...only 16 people work at this place, they're not gonna want someone who isn't LIKED. I just want to be liked.
This seems very relevant particularly now given the subject of Charlie's recent vlog about human nature boiling down to us wanting to be liked. With this job, I know I have the skill-set, he can see that from my application, but today I have the opportunity to make myself likeable. That's a lot of pressure, as Charlie says. I'll put a link to his video here when I'm not on my phone.
I think I will try to get a bit more sleep now as I don't want to be yawning through the interview. I made myself a nice little flash card with the questions written on it. Surprisingly I'm not nervous at all really about the actual interview side of it. I think because I have faith in my improvisation ability I kind of just think, well what's the worst that can happen? No one wants to see me do badly and if something goes wrong I can stop and do that bit again. I do love that about editing. I feel a lot less stressed than I ever did about going on stage when I acted. I feel like I have more scope to be myself, because on stage you have to get a portrayal of someone/something PERFECT, and that's really not a thing that happens in real life. On screen I can just be myself and see what happens and keep the best of me in the final cut and put the not so great parts in the recycling bin. That's more like real life in my opinion, because we do stuff wrong and have to learn from it, get over it and then try to be a better version of ourself.
Anyway, I'm sure I'll write another blog later. I wonder what the tone of that one will be!!
Xxx
By the way look at this panorama I did of the tv studio at uni! This was when we did a practise set up this afternoon. I am so ecstatic that this is where I get to do my work...I was never a sit in a lecture theatre sort of person, and this is just what I always dreamed of when I was at school. I saw things like this when I went to uni open days in 2009 and I was so envious of the students looking so in their elements and at home in creative spaces like this, and now I'm one of them! I feel truly lucky.
Friday, 9 November 2012
It's past my bedtime!
I really cannot get to sleep. My brain just will not switch off.
On Tuesday I'm off to London with my aforementioned Online Broadcasting group to interview the CEO (will refer to him as WH) of the aforementioned company that I've applied to work at. The whole thing is actually the biggest coincidence. Basically, I found this job I wanted to apply to and as it was to do with a company that is basically an online broadcaster I went to tell my lecturer Lee about it. And it just so happened that WH is the guy that Lee met up with to pitch the idea of the Online Broadcasting module to earlier in the year, as it's a brand new module and it wanted industry level advice on it before he set it up I think. So this is where the link to my OB project (a documentary about video on demand affecting normal broadcasting schedules) and the job application is. It occurred to me today that ironically, I'm going to be interviewing the CEO - I hope in the not too distant future he will be interviewing me! It's very nerve-wracking. I want us to do Lee proud, I want us to do ourselves proud, and I want to make WH want to employ me. I am so worried about not coming across as my best. But then again I'm confident in my speaking on camera ability, and my self-confidence is rising back to how it was before I started getting anxiety problems last year, and I really feel like I can do well! I just have to make sure that I have confidence on the day, as I know with me that really comes through in my persona.
I'm really worried about what to wear! The last time I was so concerned about putting an outfit together was for my first day of uni. I wanted to look nice, but to show my personality effectively, but to not come across as totally bonkers straight away. My fashion sense is very much so varied, some days I want to be kind of conventional and classic by wearing skinny jeans, pumps and a plain tshirt. But other days I want to wear spotty tights and the jumper my mum knitted my dad in the 80s and my calf high Converses and my Green Day tshirt and my Pikachu skirt. On Tuesday I want to combine these two sides of my dress sense to show that I can be professional, but also that I am unique and interesting and a hoot. I'm thinking black skinny jeans, a blazer of some sort, a colourful top (possibly my purple one with little stars all over) and my high high top bright pink Converse. And of course I'll paint something cool on my nails. Part of me thinks I'm over thinking this but I know myself well enough to know that if I feel confident in the way I look I will be more myself on the day. My self-perception often dictates how I go by day to day things. Maybe that's bad, but I think that's what style has the power to do - develop your sense of self. That's what it means to me anyway.
Maybe I'll be able to sleep now I've typed everything I've been thinking about whilst laying here.
Goodnight all x
Or I could wear this fetching poncho!
On Tuesday I'm off to London with my aforementioned Online Broadcasting group to interview the CEO (will refer to him as WH) of the aforementioned company that I've applied to work at. The whole thing is actually the biggest coincidence. Basically, I found this job I wanted to apply to and as it was to do with a company that is basically an online broadcaster I went to tell my lecturer Lee about it. And it just so happened that WH is the guy that Lee met up with to pitch the idea of the Online Broadcasting module to earlier in the year, as it's a brand new module and it wanted industry level advice on it before he set it up I think. So this is where the link to my OB project (a documentary about video on demand affecting normal broadcasting schedules) and the job application is. It occurred to me today that ironically, I'm going to be interviewing the CEO - I hope in the not too distant future he will be interviewing me! It's very nerve-wracking. I want us to do Lee proud, I want us to do ourselves proud, and I want to make WH want to employ me. I am so worried about not coming across as my best. But then again I'm confident in my speaking on camera ability, and my self-confidence is rising back to how it was before I started getting anxiety problems last year, and I really feel like I can do well! I just have to make sure that I have confidence on the day, as I know with me that really comes through in my persona.
I'm really worried about what to wear! The last time I was so concerned about putting an outfit together was for my first day of uni. I wanted to look nice, but to show my personality effectively, but to not come across as totally bonkers straight away. My fashion sense is very much so varied, some days I want to be kind of conventional and classic by wearing skinny jeans, pumps and a plain tshirt. But other days I want to wear spotty tights and the jumper my mum knitted my dad in the 80s and my calf high Converses and my Green Day tshirt and my Pikachu skirt. On Tuesday I want to combine these two sides of my dress sense to show that I can be professional, but also that I am unique and interesting and a hoot. I'm thinking black skinny jeans, a blazer of some sort, a colourful top (possibly my purple one with little stars all over) and my high high top bright pink Converse. And of course I'll paint something cool on my nails. Part of me thinks I'm over thinking this but I know myself well enough to know that if I feel confident in the way I look I will be more myself on the day. My self-perception often dictates how I go by day to day things. Maybe that's bad, but I think that's what style has the power to do - develop your sense of self. That's what it means to me anyway.
Maybe I'll be able to sleep now I've typed everything I've been thinking about whilst laying here.
Goodnight all x
Or I could wear this fetching poncho!
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
I WON A COMPETITION!!!!!!
Before the other day, the only time I've ever done well in a competition is when in year 10 me and Becca and Eleanor wrote a poem in French called Poeme de Poubelle about a wheely bin who lived in Paris. We entered it into a national competition and came runners up and got to perform it at this fancy venue in London. We took our French teacher Mr Goodman (who I also found out was my cousin by marriage in year 9, awkward) and out mums, and we wore berets and read the poem to a big group of people. I remember feeling really narked about the girls who won, because they had written this song and it wasn't even good, they only won because they made up a bloody dance routine to go with it!!!!!!!!
I digress.
The other day Starbucks tweeted a photo of a red cup in a PLACE. And they said that if you guessed the location you could win tickets to go ice skating at the Natural History Museum. GOD ALONE KNOWS (well actually, no) how I knew it was Edinburgh Castle, but by jove I knew it. I've never been to Edinburgh Castle. I've never even been to Edinburgh. I've only been to Scotland once, and that was for two hours. BUT I JUST KNEW IT WAS EDINBURGH CASTLE. I to this very day have no recollection of ever seeing a photo of it before, but I must have done, because I knew that was what it looked like. Anyway, I won the tickets! HOORAH! It's very satisfying adding ice skating tickets to your basket on ticketmaster and then entering a special code and seeing the cost go from £61.00 to £00.00 :D
So that's exciting.
Another exciting thing is that I am really starting to love Adobe Illustrator. When I first started my Advanced Digital Imaging module I DETESTED it, I just COULD NOT DO IT, it made me want to curl up and cry. But in the last couple of weeks it has CLICKED because I've been practising lots, and this is something I did yesterday that I am proud of.
I'M SO PROUD :D
It's not perfect, but I think it is very good (if I do say so myself) and I think the colours and effects I used really reflect the quote, and Einstein's persona too. LOVELY :D
I digress.
The other day Starbucks tweeted a photo of a red cup in a PLACE. And they said that if you guessed the location you could win tickets to go ice skating at the Natural History Museum. GOD ALONE KNOWS (well actually, no) how I knew it was Edinburgh Castle, but by jove I knew it. I've never been to Edinburgh Castle. I've never even been to Edinburgh. I've only been to Scotland once, and that was for two hours. BUT I JUST KNEW IT WAS EDINBURGH CASTLE. I to this very day have no recollection of ever seeing a photo of it before, but I must have done, because I knew that was what it looked like. Anyway, I won the tickets! HOORAH! It's very satisfying adding ice skating tickets to your basket on ticketmaster and then entering a special code and seeing the cost go from £61.00 to £00.00 :D
So that's exciting.
Another exciting thing is that I am really starting to love Adobe Illustrator. When I first started my Advanced Digital Imaging module I DETESTED it, I just COULD NOT DO IT, it made me want to curl up and cry. But in the last couple of weeks it has CLICKED because I've been practising lots, and this is something I did yesterday that I am proud of.
I'M SO PROUD :D
It's not perfect, but I think it is very good (if I do say so myself) and I think the colours and effects I used really reflect the quote, and Einstein's persona too. LOVELY :D
Thursday, 1 November 2012
November could quite possibly be spectacular
CHAPTER ONE
I really have NO IDEA what this month is going to bring, but I have a feeling it's going to be good. I started my November in McClusky's of all places (pretty grimy club that I have refused to step foot in since January 2011) dressed up as a cat with some of my friends, who were dressed up as 3 generic zombies, a swan and dead Harry Potter. So hopefully November started as it means to go on. Although I'd probably prefer that I don't have to walk for 20 minutes at 1.30am in a 6 degree torrential downpour with no sleeves again.
CHAPTER TWO
Today my Online Broadcasting group is meeting to do a practise interview for when we meet Mr CEO of the Ultimate Dream Job company IN NINE DAYS. I'm not gonna lie, I'm shitting it. But I'm also very excited because I love my group and the best thing about it is that they all know how important this is to me, and they are being so amazing and encouraging about it, and are also putting up with my incessant ramblings/panic about it. I am very lucky to have such supportive people around me, because my main fear when I have to do group work is getting lumped with people who don't care. This is definitely not the case with them.
CHAPTER ONE REPRISE
Last night in the club made me really conscious of time. Last time I was there I was a fresher and I recognised everyone in the club pretty much because my uni is tiny, you know pretty much everyone in your year at least by face if not by name. Every time I'd turn I'd see someone to say hello to. Though last night, I must have seen about 6//7 people if that. It also stood out a lot when we were queuing to get in. The main (decent) club in the town had a fatal stabbing last week so it is now shut, so McClusky's was PACKED. But whilst we queued I didn't see a single person I knew (aside from Olivia who crops up everywhere bless her) and I just felt OLD. How rubbish is that. I still had a great night, but I was pining for first year when it was all new and exciting but also so familiar. This year I just kept looking at the people I was with (Tall, New, Della, James Harry Potter Peach and Stuart) and feeling upset that in 6 months it will all be over and it's gone too fast and I'm not ready to not be around them anymore. Too many of my blogs are about this. But too much of my time is spent thinking about it.
CHAPTER TWO REPRISE
I need to email Mr CEO's PA today to make our Official Appointment to interview him. As I'm the Project Coordinator. This is a thing that I am.
CHAPTER TWO EPILOGUE
I wanted to talk about some of the other cool things I am doing in November but I just remembered that last night Della accidentally tipped a drink down the left side of my head, so I need to go and wash my hair. I feel like being tall can be problematic for that reason in a club: people tend to walk with the drink above their head when they travel from one place to another, meaning that if that person is average height then my head is very close to the drink. Ho hum.
Friday, 26 October 2012
Who'd have known tomato soup was so hilarious?
Yesterday between 4pm and 6pm has made it onto my hypothetical list of Greatest Two Hour Slots Of Time Ever.
It was my Online Broadcasting lecture, which is exciting to start with because online broadcasting is a thing that I have done for a lot of my life, in the form of blogging, vlogging, tweeting et cetera. So the fact that I have now taken this beloved hobby of mine into an academic environment, much less my Actual University Degree is basically a dream come true. Really, what more could I ask for?
Here are all the good/funny things that happened in yesterday's specifica Online Broadcasting class.
1. We found out that we are definitely interviewing the CEO of a company for the documentary we have to make and present for our final project. This company also happens to be the company that the Ultimate Dream Job I have applied to is with. I'm interviewing the man who is going to decide whether to employ me or not. Absolutely terrifying, but also an opportunity that not many people get. I just hope and pray and wish that I make a good impression. I have only 14 days till the interview, so basically AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
2. We found out the assignment for the lesson was to take the camera, sound and lighting gear to 2 different locations in the uni and conduct 2 interviews in these places. Content wasn't too important, but the tech had to be spot on. One of the locations was a huge drawing room (our uni is also a gothic castle, casual). We struggled to find it initially (imagine 5 people traipsing around a university carrying a huge film camera, a huge tripod, 3-point lighting set up, a boom mic, powerpack and headphones) and eventually we arrived at a door that Chloe was sure was the room. She peaked in but there was just a man sitting there, so we figured it was the wrong place. There was a door next to that room that she and Aaron were sure MUST be the room, but the door wouldn't open. So we're trying to open it and it just won't budge, and suddenly I hear a CHAIN FLUSH and I'm like "GUYS THAT IS AN OCCUPIED TOILET!" and Aaron is like, "Naaaah you don't get a toilet without a sign" so starts BANGING ON THE DOOR and suddenly from the room we hear this lady say, "You do know this is a toilet right?" so we all nearly collapsed laughing, apologised profusely and then found out the original room was the correct place.
3. The interview in the drawing room went very well, except for the fact we set up in 3 different locations to accommodate the fact that the background was busy, the lighting was dodgy and we had no extension cable. We then found out that we did have an extension cable, so we went back to the original place we wanted to film but had to discard because we thought we couldn't plug the equipment in.
4. We then had to go for the second interview in a tiny office. Here we were interviewing Otis, who teaches us. Whilst the others were setting up (I was the interviewer so I got to sit) me and Otis were chatting about dried fruit (don't ask) and Simon said that he had Heinz tomato soup for lunch. So I said "I really don't like Heinz tomato soup" to which Otis looked ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED and said "Woah now, don't tell my mother that, she would actually kill you" so I then went into hysterics and whilst I'm wheezing in the corner Otis carries on, "She's indoctrinated my daughter as well, I've never mentioned soup to her and she suddenly starts asking for tomato soup, her grandma is brainwashing her. I'll try to save you but honestly, she gets violent when people don't like tomato soup" by which point I am basically on the floor laughing, makeup all over my face, can't breathe properly, and then I have to conduct an interview. Whilst I was laughing hysterically and Otis was ranting about his mother's (rather vicious) love for tomato soup, it turns out the head of Media is standing in the doorway waiting to ask Otis a question, but neither of us notice that he's there, we're just in fits of laughter talking about tomato soup keeping him waiting. One of the most ridiculous moments of my university career.
5. The interviews themselves went quite well I feel. It was the first time I've done improvisation like that in a very long time, but I was very pleased with myself. I got compliments on improvisation and on my speaking, and Otis said he was very impressed at how I went from nearly dead on the floor to completely composed and serious as soon as I needed to be. I'm not gonna lie, that isn't always the case, but it's definitely something I've improved a lot on since A Level Theatre Studies!!
6. I absolutely love the group I have in Online Broadcasting. Bearing in mind we have to create a 30 minute documentary together, and then present it live, I feel it's important that we get on well, trust each other and are like-minded when it comes to getting work done. All these things are definitely the case, and I'm so lucky I've got them. We have so many laughs (as you may have picked up on from this blog) but we get the job done, and our finished interviews were pretty much spot on! I'm proud of us and I'm so pleased I get to work with them till April.
I know the time will go really quickly and one day I'll read this back and I'll be a graduate and I won't be able to believe it's over, but for now I'm grateful that I've got a few months left. I'm also grateful that I love my degree so much, as I know I'm lucky to have this. Third year is so much fun, I don't want it to end very soon at all ):
It was my Online Broadcasting lecture, which is exciting to start with because online broadcasting is a thing that I have done for a lot of my life, in the form of blogging, vlogging, tweeting et cetera. So the fact that I have now taken this beloved hobby of mine into an academic environment, much less my Actual University Degree is basically a dream come true. Really, what more could I ask for?
Here are all the good/funny things that happened in yesterday's specifica Online Broadcasting class.
1. We found out that we are definitely interviewing the CEO of a company for the documentary we have to make and present for our final project. This company also happens to be the company that the Ultimate Dream Job I have applied to is with. I'm interviewing the man who is going to decide whether to employ me or not. Absolutely terrifying, but also an opportunity that not many people get. I just hope and pray and wish that I make a good impression. I have only 14 days till the interview, so basically AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
2. We found out the assignment for the lesson was to take the camera, sound and lighting gear to 2 different locations in the uni and conduct 2 interviews in these places. Content wasn't too important, but the tech had to be spot on. One of the locations was a huge drawing room (our uni is also a gothic castle, casual). We struggled to find it initially (imagine 5 people traipsing around a university carrying a huge film camera, a huge tripod, 3-point lighting set up, a boom mic, powerpack and headphones) and eventually we arrived at a door that Chloe was sure was the room. She peaked in but there was just a man sitting there, so we figured it was the wrong place. There was a door next to that room that she and Aaron were sure MUST be the room, but the door wouldn't open. So we're trying to open it and it just won't budge, and suddenly I hear a CHAIN FLUSH and I'm like "GUYS THAT IS AN OCCUPIED TOILET!" and Aaron is like, "Naaaah you don't get a toilet without a sign" so starts BANGING ON THE DOOR and suddenly from the room we hear this lady say, "You do know this is a toilet right?" so we all nearly collapsed laughing, apologised profusely and then found out the original room was the correct place.
3. The interview in the drawing room went very well, except for the fact we set up in 3 different locations to accommodate the fact that the background was busy, the lighting was dodgy and we had no extension cable. We then found out that we did have an extension cable, so we went back to the original place we wanted to film but had to discard because we thought we couldn't plug the equipment in.
4. We then had to go for the second interview in a tiny office. Here we were interviewing Otis, who teaches us. Whilst the others were setting up (I was the interviewer so I got to sit) me and Otis were chatting about dried fruit (don't ask) and Simon said that he had Heinz tomato soup for lunch. So I said "I really don't like Heinz tomato soup" to which Otis looked ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED and said "Woah now, don't tell my mother that, she would actually kill you" so I then went into hysterics and whilst I'm wheezing in the corner Otis carries on, "She's indoctrinated my daughter as well, I've never mentioned soup to her and she suddenly starts asking for tomato soup, her grandma is brainwashing her. I'll try to save you but honestly, she gets violent when people don't like tomato soup" by which point I am basically on the floor laughing, makeup all over my face, can't breathe properly, and then I have to conduct an interview. Whilst I was laughing hysterically and Otis was ranting about his mother's (rather vicious) love for tomato soup, it turns out the head of Media is standing in the doorway waiting to ask Otis a question, but neither of us notice that he's there, we're just in fits of laughter talking about tomato soup keeping him waiting. One of the most ridiculous moments of my university career.
5. The interviews themselves went quite well I feel. It was the first time I've done improvisation like that in a very long time, but I was very pleased with myself. I got compliments on improvisation and on my speaking, and Otis said he was very impressed at how I went from nearly dead on the floor to completely composed and serious as soon as I needed to be. I'm not gonna lie, that isn't always the case, but it's definitely something I've improved a lot on since A Level Theatre Studies!!
6. I absolutely love the group I have in Online Broadcasting. Bearing in mind we have to create a 30 minute documentary together, and then present it live, I feel it's important that we get on well, trust each other and are like-minded when it comes to getting work done. All these things are definitely the case, and I'm so lucky I've got them. We have so many laughs (as you may have picked up on from this blog) but we get the job done, and our finished interviews were pretty much spot on! I'm proud of us and I'm so pleased I get to work with them till April.
I know the time will go really quickly and one day I'll read this back and I'll be a graduate and I won't be able to believe it's over, but for now I'm grateful that I've got a few months left. I'm also grateful that I love my degree so much, as I know I'm lucky to have this. Third year is so much fun, I don't want it to end very soon at all ):
Wednesday, 24 October 2012
Six chapters
CHAPTER ONE: The Job
It has been 3 days since I applied for The Job. I sometimes forget about it and then
when I remember I can think of little else for hours. The closing date for applications isn't till October 31st so it's going to be a while yet before I hear anything, if anything. Ohgod it just occurred to me that if I don't get it they might not let me know! How long is acceptable to wait till you contact them enquiring?!?! Ohmygod I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner!!!! SO MANY WORST CASE SCENARIOS!!!!!!!!
CHAPTER TWO: Pilates
Something that I have started doing this semester is Pilates. Me and Amy wanted to do yoga ideally, but the classes at our gym coincided with lectures, so we chose Pilates instead. It's a lot harder than you'd imagine, but strangely calming. Or maybe that's just because of the zen-balancing music they play. Or the fact that a lot of it is done laying down on a comfy mat. Believe it or not, it IS exercise.
CHAPTER THREE: Geriatric Musings
It's my birthday soon. Which is utterly terrifying. I started this blog when I was 16 years old, and now I'm about to turn 21. I was re-reading old blogs the other day, seeing the transition from GCSE panic, to sixth form to starting university. It's interesting how some things haven't changed at all, and other things are a whole new kettle of fish. Ultimately though I believe I have kept at least SOME of my "essence" (how disgustingly contrived that sounds hahaha) so that's reassuring. I still wear a lot of the same clothes from when I was a lot younger, such as the Converse All Stars I got when I was 14 (7 years ago!!!!!!!!!!) and my Green Day hoodie that I got when I was 15. Some things never change.
CHAPTER FOUR: Afternoon Tea
Speaking of my birthday, Stuart has organised some sort of surprise for me the week after. He has forbidden me from asking questions, and I know nothing other than that it is in the late afternoon of November 28th. I know this because he asked me if I wanted to go for a meal as a birthday treat but I said that we often go for a meal, and could we please go for afternoon tea instead? He thought it was a lovely idea (although that might just be because I read him the patisserie list at the hotel I wanted to go to for it!) and booked it for me as a special extra treat (: How nice is that! I love afternoon tea; I love how quaint it is and I love sarnies and scones and I LOVE desserts with a burning passion. I've been to a couple of afternoon teas before (at the Ritz and the Savoy no less) so I am very excited about that. It's almost a good thing turning 21 by the look of things!
CHAPTER FIVE: Degree
I've started really getting my head down with my uni work this semester now. I've started an essay that is due in at the end of November and I'm plodding on with my huge portfolio for my Advanced Digital Imaging. Not to mention my dissertation prep, which is now underway. I felt out of my depth and panicked, but then my tutor told me that I'm actually very ahead with my development, so that was reassuring.
CHAPTER SIX:
Shower and hairwash time soon, then bed. Whilst I'm doing that, enjoy these photos from my afternoon tea at the Savoy. Me and my brother took my nana and grandpa earlier in the year to thank them for being wonderful relatives. It was a lovely afternoon. Jocy xxx
It has been 3 days since I applied for The Job. I sometimes forget about it and then
when I remember I can think of little else for hours. The closing date for applications isn't till October 31st so it's going to be a while yet before I hear anything, if anything. Ohgod it just occurred to me that if I don't get it they might not let me know! How long is acceptable to wait till you contact them enquiring?!?! Ohmygod I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner!!!! SO MANY WORST CASE SCENARIOS!!!!!!!!
CHAPTER TWO: Pilates
Something that I have started doing this semester is Pilates. Me and Amy wanted to do yoga ideally, but the classes at our gym coincided with lectures, so we chose Pilates instead. It's a lot harder than you'd imagine, but strangely calming. Or maybe that's just because of the zen-balancing music they play. Or the fact that a lot of it is done laying down on a comfy mat. Believe it or not, it IS exercise.
CHAPTER THREE: Geriatric Musings
It's my birthday soon. Which is utterly terrifying. I started this blog when I was 16 years old, and now I'm about to turn 21. I was re-reading old blogs the other day, seeing the transition from GCSE panic, to sixth form to starting university. It's interesting how some things haven't changed at all, and other things are a whole new kettle of fish. Ultimately though I believe I have kept at least SOME of my "essence" (how disgustingly contrived that sounds hahaha) so that's reassuring. I still wear a lot of the same clothes from when I was a lot younger, such as the Converse All Stars I got when I was 14 (7 years ago!!!!!!!!!!) and my Green Day hoodie that I got when I was 15. Some things never change.
CHAPTER FOUR: Afternoon Tea
Speaking of my birthday, Stuart has organised some sort of surprise for me the week after. He has forbidden me from asking questions, and I know nothing other than that it is in the late afternoon of November 28th. I know this because he asked me if I wanted to go for a meal as a birthday treat but I said that we often go for a meal, and could we please go for afternoon tea instead? He thought it was a lovely idea (although that might just be because I read him the patisserie list at the hotel I wanted to go to for it!) and booked it for me as a special extra treat (: How nice is that! I love afternoon tea; I love how quaint it is and I love sarnies and scones and I LOVE desserts with a burning passion. I've been to a couple of afternoon teas before (at the Ritz and the Savoy no less) so I am very excited about that. It's almost a good thing turning 21 by the look of things!
CHAPTER FIVE: Degree
I've started really getting my head down with my uni work this semester now. I've started an essay that is due in at the end of November and I'm plodding on with my huge portfolio for my Advanced Digital Imaging. Not to mention my dissertation prep, which is now underway. I felt out of my depth and panicked, but then my tutor told me that I'm actually very ahead with my development, so that was reassuring.
CHAPTER SIX:
Shower and hairwash time soon, then bed. Whilst I'm doing that, enjoy these photos from my afternoon tea at the Savoy. Me and my brother took my nana and grandpa earlier in the year to thank them for being wonderful relatives. It was a lovely afternoon. Jocy xxx
Sunday, 21 October 2012
Ageing up
SOMEHOW it turned into halfway through semester one of my final year at university.
It turns out that a part of final year is working out how to transition into a real life human. Unfortunately, it does not involve being surrounded by stars and sparkles, doing a spin in the air and morphing into a taller person in different clothes. This is only the case in the Sims.
What it does include is applying for jobs. I've had part time jobs since I was 15, and my friends who didn't go to university have had full time jobs for a few years now. But I've been in the glorious bubble that is full time education, and the time is coming for the bubble to burst and for me to be exposed to the Outside World.
The other day, October 18th, I found an advertisement for my Ultimate Dream Job. You know when someone suggests something, and you'd like to do that thing loads, and you get all excited and squirmy inside and you just want to DO IT NOW, like when someone tells you you're going on holiday or when you have tickets to see your favourite band. I read this job opening and that's how I felt. Every single line of the ad, every single requirement for the role, every detail just consumed me with a squishy feeling I usually only associate with the prospect of cheesecake. I just want this job SO BADLY. It encompasses everything I love to do, everything I've loved to do since I was 15 years old, everything I think I am good at. I keep re-reading the ad and sometimes I believe with every fibre of my being that there is no other person on this planet Earth that is more perfectly suited to the job than I am. And other times I am enveloped in the fear that someone else will apply who is better than me. But mostly I just feel that if I was given the opportunity, I could be the absolutely best person for this job that they could possibly imagine, and that I'd do everything in my power to get to this point. And sometimes I feel sad because I truly don't think I could ever feel as excited about a job as I feel about this one. I feel like this is the Job For Me, and that even jobs I've previously been interested in and intrigued by pale in comparison.
On Monday I'm applying for this job.
I'm terrified, excited, determined, confident, self-doubting and thrilled by this prospect. But most of all, I'm convinced that I am the right person for the job and that I could truly do it justice.
PS I just looked back and on September 2nd I wrote in a blog that I needed to work out what I want to do with my adult life. THIS JOB IS WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY ADULT LIFE.
It turns out that a part of final year is working out how to transition into a real life human. Unfortunately, it does not involve being surrounded by stars and sparkles, doing a spin in the air and morphing into a taller person in different clothes. This is only the case in the Sims.
What it does include is applying for jobs. I've had part time jobs since I was 15, and my friends who didn't go to university have had full time jobs for a few years now. But I've been in the glorious bubble that is full time education, and the time is coming for the bubble to burst and for me to be exposed to the Outside World.
The other day, October 18th, I found an advertisement for my Ultimate Dream Job. You know when someone suggests something, and you'd like to do that thing loads, and you get all excited and squirmy inside and you just want to DO IT NOW, like when someone tells you you're going on holiday or when you have tickets to see your favourite band. I read this job opening and that's how I felt. Every single line of the ad, every single requirement for the role, every detail just consumed me with a squishy feeling I usually only associate with the prospect of cheesecake. I just want this job SO BADLY. It encompasses everything I love to do, everything I've loved to do since I was 15 years old, everything I think I am good at. I keep re-reading the ad and sometimes I believe with every fibre of my being that there is no other person on this planet Earth that is more perfectly suited to the job than I am. And other times I am enveloped in the fear that someone else will apply who is better than me. But mostly I just feel that if I was given the opportunity, I could be the absolutely best person for this job that they could possibly imagine, and that I'd do everything in my power to get to this point. And sometimes I feel sad because I truly don't think I could ever feel as excited about a job as I feel about this one. I feel like this is the Job For Me, and that even jobs I've previously been interested in and intrigued by pale in comparison.
On Monday I'm applying for this job.
I'm terrified, excited, determined, confident, self-doubting and thrilled by this prospect. But most of all, I'm convinced that I am the right person for the job and that I could truly do it justice.
PS I just looked back and on September 2nd I wrote in a blog that I needed to work out what I want to do with my adult life. THIS JOB IS WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY ADULT LIFE.
Fantasia
Tomorrow (later today) I am going to see Disney Fantasia: Live in Concert at the Royal Albert Hall with my nana and grandpa.
One of my strongest memories as a small child is spending time at my grandparents' house. Whenever I was there I would watch Fantasia with them, as nana and grandpa loved classical music and I loved Disney. Actually, I don't remember if I liked Disney before I saw Fantasia, so really I expect it was my first introduction to Disney. But I loved it from thereon. I loved the dancing mushrooms during the Nutcracker Suite. I was scared of the Sorcerer's Apprentice because Mickey Mouse always looked so terrified, and this used to really disturb me. I remember even at a very young age thinking how real the fear in his eyes looked, even though I knew it was an animation. To this day I still marvel at the way Disney put emotions into their animations' eyes. I used to get a bit bored by all the bits with the fairies, as I was never really interested in fairies or princesses. But I remember loving the part when the Winter fairies came and everything they touched turned to frost. THE HIPPOS! I just remembered the incredible ballerina hippos. AND OSTRICHES.
I'm really looking forward to seeing Fantasia Live. Largely because I'm going with nana and grandpa, who provided me with my first ever experiences of both Disney and classical music.
One of my strongest memories as a small child is spending time at my grandparents' house. Whenever I was there I would watch Fantasia with them, as nana and grandpa loved classical music and I loved Disney. Actually, I don't remember if I liked Disney before I saw Fantasia, so really I expect it was my first introduction to Disney. But I loved it from thereon. I loved the dancing mushrooms during the Nutcracker Suite. I was scared of the Sorcerer's Apprentice because Mickey Mouse always looked so terrified, and this used to really disturb me. I remember even at a very young age thinking how real the fear in his eyes looked, even though I knew it was an animation. To this day I still marvel at the way Disney put emotions into their animations' eyes. I used to get a bit bored by all the bits with the fairies, as I was never really interested in fairies or princesses. But I remember loving the part when the Winter fairies came and everything they touched turned to frost. THE HIPPOS! I just remembered the incredible ballerina hippos. AND OSTRICHES.
I'm really looking forward to seeing Fantasia Live. Largely because I'm going with nana and grandpa, who provided me with my first ever experiences of both Disney and classical music.
Sunday, 2 September 2012
RUNNING OUT OF TIME
I am about to embark upon my final year of university. Ergo, I have been doing some Actual Thinking about things I want (need) to get done in the outrageously near future.
WORK EXPERIENCE
Despite having a very exciting and productive summer full of CV-worthy activity, I haven't done any work experience for a couple of years. That's not to say I've been lazy; quite the opposite. I've done things that I'll never get a chance to do again, and for that I am glad because I known I've been a good Opportunity Grasper. But now I need to get the ball back rolling when it comes to work experience, and I need to really start trying out things to try and deduce what it is I want to do with my adult life. The first thing I'm going to do is send my CV to local advertising companies. My parents have been saying for years that they think I should look into doing advertising (apparently because I'm creative and witty and current and all that!) but I'd never really considered it until recently. As I've become more Photoshop-literate and from having watched more TV and read more magazines (due to modules I took last year) the advertising world has been more poignant to me, and it's definitely something I'd like to have a go in.
DISSERTATION
Despite having a Genuine Concern that I've bitten off more than I can chew by choosing to do a practical dissertation, I really really really want to make it amazing. I know I'm doing some form of street photography, but all summer my mind has been changing as to the precise path I want to take. I think I'm currently leaning toward street portraiture, like 83% sure, but by the end of September I want to have decided 100% on my theme. I think doing it in London is the best idea, as I have unlimited access to London, and I really want to photograph people as it's something I've always loved to do, and the project Humans of New York has introduced me to street portraiture, which I have rather fallen in love with. But I just want to pick the thing that I can do the best at, which is something I need to work out in the next month preferably.
BUY STATIONARY
This may sound trivial but never underestimate the power of stationary that you love. I need to buy my favourite biros and my favourite paper because these are what I get the best quality work out of. It sounds ridiculous but if you know what I mean, then you'll know what I mean. I also need to get some nice folders because I'm always more inclined to remain organised if I have a nice folder to be organised in. And I need to buy a new hole punch because mine broke at the end of second year because I punched too many holes.
That's all I can think of now. I'm sure there are more things, but I can't think properly anymore because David just ordered us a curry and I'm too excited about my biriyani to make a list.
I'm going to make a Promise To Myself to blog more regularly this year, because I know I'll be grateful when I finish uni if I have some remotely concise writings about my experiences. I'm so happy I blogged through sixth form, and first year, so this seems vital even if I did neglect it during second year.
Tee tee eff en x
WORK EXPERIENCE
Despite having a very exciting and productive summer full of CV-worthy activity, I haven't done any work experience for a couple of years. That's not to say I've been lazy; quite the opposite. I've done things that I'll never get a chance to do again, and for that I am glad because I known I've been a good Opportunity Grasper. But now I need to get the ball back rolling when it comes to work experience, and I need to really start trying out things to try and deduce what it is I want to do with my adult life. The first thing I'm going to do is send my CV to local advertising companies. My parents have been saying for years that they think I should look into doing advertising (apparently because I'm creative and witty and current and all that!) but I'd never really considered it until recently. As I've become more Photoshop-literate and from having watched more TV and read more magazines (due to modules I took last year) the advertising world has been more poignant to me, and it's definitely something I'd like to have a go in.
DISSERTATION
Despite having a Genuine Concern that I've bitten off more than I can chew by choosing to do a practical dissertation, I really really really want to make it amazing. I know I'm doing some form of street photography, but all summer my mind has been changing as to the precise path I want to take. I think I'm currently leaning toward street portraiture, like 83% sure, but by the end of September I want to have decided 100% on my theme. I think doing it in London is the best idea, as I have unlimited access to London, and I really want to photograph people as it's something I've always loved to do, and the project Humans of New York has introduced me to street portraiture, which I have rather fallen in love with. But I just want to pick the thing that I can do the best at, which is something I need to work out in the next month preferably.
BUY STATIONARY
This may sound trivial but never underestimate the power of stationary that you love. I need to buy my favourite biros and my favourite paper because these are what I get the best quality work out of. It sounds ridiculous but if you know what I mean, then you'll know what I mean. I also need to get some nice folders because I'm always more inclined to remain organised if I have a nice folder to be organised in. And I need to buy a new hole punch because mine broke at the end of second year because I punched too many holes.
That's all I can think of now. I'm sure there are more things, but I can't think properly anymore because David just ordered us a curry and I'm too excited about my biriyani to make a list.
I'm going to make a Promise To Myself to blog more regularly this year, because I know I'll be grateful when I finish uni if I have some remotely concise writings about my experiences. I'm so happy I blogged through sixth form, and first year, so this seems vital even if I did neglect it during second year.
Tee tee eff en x
Sunday, 19 August 2012
Wednesday, 4 July 2012
IT'S BEEN A STRANGE OLD TWO MONTHS.
I've found the idea of writing things down in a logical manner really difficult recently, because so many different things have been and are sitting in my head.
In no particular order:
Missing an overall First for second year by 2.9%
Being desperate for a First in my final degree
Missing Joe who was my best friend for many years but who I am not really in contact with at the moment/anymore
IBS/anxiety problems
Really wanting to know what my career aspirations are
My lost YouTube partnership
All of these are very negative, so I also want to list some things that have made me very happy the last two months:
Going to Madeira with my boyfriend and my family and swimming with dolphins in the wild
Discovering a love for jewellery that I have never really had before
Just learning to accessorise in general
Getting into makeup a bit (bear in mind I still can count the makeup items I use on one hand, but for me that is something new!)
Gradually regaining my vlogging confidence
Painting my nails incessantly
Despite two months of it being gone, I still have a long summer ahead of me. For the next month or so I am volunteering at my university as we have 4 of the Olympic teams staying on our campus to train for the Games. Aside from that, I don't have any specific plans. However I am really hoping (and aiming) that by the end of my summer I will have a better (and maybe even clear) idea of what it is I want to do after I graduate. When I was YouTubing loads a couple of years ago, and was a partner, and had a huge audience, I was set on being a TV presenter. Losing my confidence was so debilitating for me because I lost all of my ambition as well as my sense of self. But this summer I am going to work SO hard to build myself up again. I want to find something that I know I love to do, and I am going to throw myself into it. I am desperate to make something of myself. It may not involve fame or grandeur, but I want to create something that I am proud of. This summer I want it to be my YouTube channel again, and we shall see where that takes me. I want to get my outgoingness back again and make new friends and just be as happy as I used to be in myself.
I feel optimistic, which I know can be short-lived in everyone sometimes, but I think ultimately I have to feel optimistic because really, the future is going to happen whether I like it or not so I might as well charge at it with all I have.
And I'm not going to beat myself up if I find it hard to feel empowered in myself straight away, because I'm only human and even people who are confident and proud of themselves can slip back sometimes. That's what happened to me but there is nothing to say that I can't overcome it. I feel that I already am :D
Jocy (: x
PS! I don't think I ever blogged about this but I want to mention it now. For a couple of years I suffered with dermatillomania, which is a compulsive skin picking disorder. The bottoms of my feet were hideous; they were constantly hurting, bleeding and difficult to walk on, and I kept it hidden from 99% of people that I knew. However after probably over 2 years I managed to beat the habit and I haven't been limping anywhere for weeks now and the bottoms of my feet are completely smooth. Anyone who has suffered from any compulsive disorder will know how impossible it often seems to be able to stop yourself, so I am VERY happy with myself. I want to thank Stuart and my mum for always making me stop attacking my feet when I did it subconsciously, and my dad for being a good pharmacist and bringing me back some cream to help heal the wounds on my feet. (:
In no particular order:
Missing an overall First for second year by 2.9%
Being desperate for a First in my final degree
Missing Joe who was my best friend for many years but who I am not really in contact with at the moment/anymore
IBS/anxiety problems
Really wanting to know what my career aspirations are
My lost YouTube partnership
All of these are very negative, so I also want to list some things that have made me very happy the last two months:
Going to Madeira with my boyfriend and my family and swimming with dolphins in the wild
Discovering a love for jewellery that I have never really had before
Just learning to accessorise in general
Getting into makeup a bit (bear in mind I still can count the makeup items I use on one hand, but for me that is something new!)
Gradually regaining my vlogging confidence
Painting my nails incessantly
Despite two months of it being gone, I still have a long summer ahead of me. For the next month or so I am volunteering at my university as we have 4 of the Olympic teams staying on our campus to train for the Games. Aside from that, I don't have any specific plans. However I am really hoping (and aiming) that by the end of my summer I will have a better (and maybe even clear) idea of what it is I want to do after I graduate. When I was YouTubing loads a couple of years ago, and was a partner, and had a huge audience, I was set on being a TV presenter. Losing my confidence was so debilitating for me because I lost all of my ambition as well as my sense of self. But this summer I am going to work SO hard to build myself up again. I want to find something that I know I love to do, and I am going to throw myself into it. I am desperate to make something of myself. It may not involve fame or grandeur, but I want to create something that I am proud of. This summer I want it to be my YouTube channel again, and we shall see where that takes me. I want to get my outgoingness back again and make new friends and just be as happy as I used to be in myself.
I feel optimistic, which I know can be short-lived in everyone sometimes, but I think ultimately I have to feel optimistic because really, the future is going to happen whether I like it or not so I might as well charge at it with all I have.
And I'm not going to beat myself up if I find it hard to feel empowered in myself straight away, because I'm only human and even people who are confident and proud of themselves can slip back sometimes. That's what happened to me but there is nothing to say that I can't overcome it. I feel that I already am :D
Jocy (: x
PS! I don't think I ever blogged about this but I want to mention it now. For a couple of years I suffered with dermatillomania, which is a compulsive skin picking disorder. The bottoms of my feet were hideous; they were constantly hurting, bleeding and difficult to walk on, and I kept it hidden from 99% of people that I knew. However after probably over 2 years I managed to beat the habit and I haven't been limping anywhere for weeks now and the bottoms of my feet are completely smooth. Anyone who has suffered from any compulsive disorder will know how impossible it often seems to be able to stop yourself, so I am VERY happy with myself. I want to thank Stuart and my mum for always making me stop attacking my feet when I did it subconsciously, and my dad for being a good pharmacist and bringing me back some cream to help heal the wounds on my feet. (:
Wednesday, 25 April 2012
Second year of university = done.
What goes to show how long it's been since I blogged is that I've had the new Blogspot interface for AGES but when I clicked "New Post" I only just saw this new window thing for the very first time.
I've been fairly busy, but that hasn't been the most consuming thing. What has consumed me is the fact that the things I've been doing have all been vitally important to how the rest of my life will probably pan out.
Yes, that seems (and probably is) exaggerated, but right now, at this moment in time, I feel like everything depends on my final degree classification. Which I'd like to hope it doesn't, but that's what it seems like now. And last semester I don't feel like the grades I got were entirely what I expected/wanted/had hoped for. So this semester I've gone a bit MAD with effort. And I feel like it has paid off, although knowing me I've just horrendously jinxed it.
My favourite module was probably Music, Culture and Technology. This shocked me, as it was my only 100% theory module. But I absolutely LOVED it. It was about the music industry, the technology behind it, the theory behind it, history, people, everything. We learnt about cassettes, vinyls, singles, race, gender, class, really amazingly interesting stuff. What made it perfect was the lecturer, Lee, who is absolutely brilliant. I really loved this module particularly because every week we had to write an 150 word blog in response to the lecture, and each blog was worth 10%, and there was 10 of them. So this was 50% of the module, and the other 50% was an essay. I got a First on the essay, and 6 out of the 10 blogs were a First (3 2:1s and a 2:2) so IF MY AVERAGES ARE CORRECT (please whoever is in charge of these things let them correct) I got a First overall. HUZZAH!
My second favourite module was Magazines, Culture and Society. 50% of the module was a report on a magazine of our choice, for which I chose Wanderlust which is a brilliant British travel magazine. For the other 50% we had to produce an extract from a magazine, of the same genre as the one we did our report on. So I made 11 pages from a travel magazine inspired by Wanderlust. It was my proudest piece of practical work ever, and handing it in today actually hurt me inside a little bit! I can't wait to get it back and show my family. I don't even mind that I spent £75 getting it printed all fancy like - I wanted to show it off best I could!
Another module that I really liked was Video Production, for which me and my group had to make an advert for Domestos. It went well, and I will probably put it on YouTube soon for people to have a look at if they would like to.
My last module was Radio Production, and this was my biggest struggle as such. I didn't find it difficult, as I am confident talking in front of an audience, and I am competent when it comes to editing. But it was more of a state-of-mind issue that I had, but I think hopefully I overcame it and that my final result is good. We had to do a radio talk (40%) and I know that bit went well, and then a 5 minute radio feature (60%). Fingers crossed with that.
Ultimately, looking back, this semester went incredibly well. Just one First would make me ecstatic, but I'm holding on to the hope that I may have maybe got another one. We'll see.
So yes, that is my second year of university over with. I'm not happy with this for two reasons. The first reason is that this semester has been horrifically short and therefore I do not feel I have got value for money AT ALL when it comes to tuition fees. And secondly, it means I'm two thirds through, and it's going outrageously fast. Ugh.
I'm very excited about third year, as the modules I've picked all sound brilliant. I'll write about them more another time. Right now my eyes are aching from tiredness and I'm contemplating another slice of cherry tart.
I hope everyone's well, let me know.
xxx
I've been fairly busy, but that hasn't been the most consuming thing. What has consumed me is the fact that the things I've been doing have all been vitally important to how the rest of my life will probably pan out.
Yes, that seems (and probably is) exaggerated, but right now, at this moment in time, I feel like everything depends on my final degree classification. Which I'd like to hope it doesn't, but that's what it seems like now. And last semester I don't feel like the grades I got were entirely what I expected/wanted/had hoped for. So this semester I've gone a bit MAD with effort. And I feel like it has paid off, although knowing me I've just horrendously jinxed it.
My favourite module was probably Music, Culture and Technology. This shocked me, as it was my only 100% theory module. But I absolutely LOVED it. It was about the music industry, the technology behind it, the theory behind it, history, people, everything. We learnt about cassettes, vinyls, singles, race, gender, class, really amazingly interesting stuff. What made it perfect was the lecturer, Lee, who is absolutely brilliant. I really loved this module particularly because every week we had to write an 150 word blog in response to the lecture, and each blog was worth 10%, and there was 10 of them. So this was 50% of the module, and the other 50% was an essay. I got a First on the essay, and 6 out of the 10 blogs were a First (3 2:1s and a 2:2) so IF MY AVERAGES ARE CORRECT (please whoever is in charge of these things let them correct) I got a First overall. HUZZAH!
My second favourite module was Magazines, Culture and Society. 50% of the module was a report on a magazine of our choice, for which I chose Wanderlust which is a brilliant British travel magazine. For the other 50% we had to produce an extract from a magazine, of the same genre as the one we did our report on. So I made 11 pages from a travel magazine inspired by Wanderlust. It was my proudest piece of practical work ever, and handing it in today actually hurt me inside a little bit! I can't wait to get it back and show my family. I don't even mind that I spent £75 getting it printed all fancy like - I wanted to show it off best I could!
Another module that I really liked was Video Production, for which me and my group had to make an advert for Domestos. It went well, and I will probably put it on YouTube soon for people to have a look at if they would like to.
My last module was Radio Production, and this was my biggest struggle as such. I didn't find it difficult, as I am confident talking in front of an audience, and I am competent when it comes to editing. But it was more of a state-of-mind issue that I had, but I think hopefully I overcame it and that my final result is good. We had to do a radio talk (40%) and I know that bit went well, and then a 5 minute radio feature (60%). Fingers crossed with that.
Ultimately, looking back, this semester went incredibly well. Just one First would make me ecstatic, but I'm holding on to the hope that I may have maybe got another one. We'll see.
So yes, that is my second year of university over with. I'm not happy with this for two reasons. The first reason is that this semester has been horrifically short and therefore I do not feel I have got value for money AT ALL when it comes to tuition fees. And secondly, it means I'm two thirds through, and it's going outrageously fast. Ugh.
I'm very excited about third year, as the modules I've picked all sound brilliant. I'll write about them more another time. Right now my eyes are aching from tiredness and I'm contemplating another slice of cherry tart.
I hope everyone's well, let me know.
xxx
Monday, 6 February 2012
God
I spend a lot of my life thinking about god. This would be unsurprising if I believed in god, but I don't.
I consider myself to be a Jewish atheist. Culturally, I'm very much so a Jew. But I do not believe in the religious side of it. This blog isn't about my explaining or justifying that. Many people turn their nose up at that, but I know 100% that that is what I feel like and that is what I am.
I don't know why I spend so much time thinking about god. Every time something bad or difficult happens I really do wish so much that I believed in god, because I can really imagine the comfort that level of faith must bring. I have several religious friends and can't help but be envious when they can just readily rely on their belief in god to get them through whatever hardship is thrown at them.
However, when good things happen and people thank god for them, it sits very uncomfortably with me. For example, thanking god for good exam results, getting something you've been wanting or for the recovery of an ill person. I think it is a huge insult to the human race to thank god for things like these rather than crediting the humans that contributed to them happening. Thanking god for good grades doesn't seem fair to the person who worked to achieve them. Thanking god for getting something you've been wanting doesn't do justice to the people who made the informed decisions along the way. Thanking god for health doesn't credit the healthcare professionals who spend their lives trying to make people better.
I've talked about this with a religious friend of mine and he said that the people who result in good things happening do so because god looks after them and helps them to do the things. That isn't fair either! It implies that people do good things because either a) god helps them or b) because they know god wants them too. Why can't it be accepted that some people do good things because they care about the people around them and because they want to do good things? Why does god have to get the credit? Why give the credit to an intangible being rather than to actual people who try their best?
When people go down the wrong path in life I know some religious friends of mine will "pray for them" and "ask god to lead them right". Which is a lovely notion, but why can't responsibility be given to the people themselves to set themselves straight? Everyone needs help sometimes, but why can't we step in to help them rather than asking god to do it for us?
I have so many questions.
I consider myself to be a Jewish atheist. Culturally, I'm very much so a Jew. But I do not believe in the religious side of it. This blog isn't about my explaining or justifying that. Many people turn their nose up at that, but I know 100% that that is what I feel like and that is what I am.
I don't know why I spend so much time thinking about god. Every time something bad or difficult happens I really do wish so much that I believed in god, because I can really imagine the comfort that level of faith must bring. I have several religious friends and can't help but be envious when they can just readily rely on their belief in god to get them through whatever hardship is thrown at them.
However, when good things happen and people thank god for them, it sits very uncomfortably with me. For example, thanking god for good exam results, getting something you've been wanting or for the recovery of an ill person. I think it is a huge insult to the human race to thank god for things like these rather than crediting the humans that contributed to them happening. Thanking god for good grades doesn't seem fair to the person who worked to achieve them. Thanking god for getting something you've been wanting doesn't do justice to the people who made the informed decisions along the way. Thanking god for health doesn't credit the healthcare professionals who spend their lives trying to make people better.
I've talked about this with a religious friend of mine and he said that the people who result in good things happening do so because god looks after them and helps them to do the things. That isn't fair either! It implies that people do good things because either a) god helps them or b) because they know god wants them too. Why can't it be accepted that some people do good things because they care about the people around them and because they want to do good things? Why does god have to get the credit? Why give the credit to an intangible being rather than to actual people who try their best?
When people go down the wrong path in life I know some religious friends of mine will "pray for them" and "ask god to lead them right". Which is a lovely notion, but why can't responsibility be given to the people themselves to set themselves straight? Everyone needs help sometimes, but why can't we step in to help them rather than asking god to do it for us?
I have so many questions.
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Grades
The other day I got my grades for my first semester of my second year at university. They are as follows:
Web Design - 54%, 2:2
Media Thinkers - 64%, 2:1
TV Studio Production - 64%, 2:1
Image & Visual Culture - 61%, 2:1
I'm really not sure how I feel about these grades.
I was totally fine about Web Design because I struggled with it in year 10 and I struggled with it this time too. HTML and coding and building the whole site had so many processes, and I've never been good at processes. This is why I always hated physics and maths, whilst I enjoyed humanities; they are more free thinking. So with Web Design I decided that rather than trying to be over-ambitious and not pulling it off I'd rather stick to my capabilities and get a firm pass, which I did.
Media Thinkers was a complicated module. I loved the subject and I loved the things I learnt, and I even loved the essay topics. LO AND BEHOLD I even loved WRITING THE ESSAYS. What I didn't love was the fact that with both essays I sent drafts to my lecturer to get feedback before I submitted my final one (feedback of which I followed) and I still only just got a 2:1. The way I see it, if I write an essay that needs improvement, the improvements I am suggested by the lecturer should allow me to achieve the highest possible grade. Call my crazy, but bearing in mind with the first essay I was only given 5 things to add (all of which I added) I did assume I'd done better than 64%. The second essay was even more ridiculous because all of the feedback I got for my draft was ALREADY IN MY ESSAY. And I still only scraped a 2:1. I've talked to the head of Media once about this and have got a meeting next week with the head of education or something, at which I can communicate my views on this. So even though I feel like I should have been given tuition that would have got me to a higher grade than a lower 2:1, I was unsurprised by my result.
TV Studio Production was a brilliant laugh, and I really, really enjoyed it. I am eager to get some feedback on my grade because I'd like to know where my portfolio blog lost marks because I thought I followed the instructions quite well.
Image and Visual Culture was hit and miss for me, I loved the practical side of it but struggled with the essay because we were restricted as to the sources we could reference, which for me was quite repressing. Additionally, my lecturer didn't have time to read my essay draft (I'm not going to go into this now because I'm still very cross) which I know was my downfall. I was so, so proud of my photo essay so I want to know what they didn't like about them. Essentially, I wanted to do very well in IVC, but as soon as I found that my essay draft wouldn't get read over, I lost hope.
For as long as I can remember I've been a perfectionist academically. I don't mean that I always achieve extremely highly, I mean that I always beat myself up when I don't. It began to an extreme when I got majority As at GCSE and was absolutely gutted they weren't A*s. I remember just HATING myself because I knew that I didn't work my absolute hardest, and I knew that if I had have worked my absolute hardest that I would have got A*s. When it came to A Level I had a pretty stressful time at school and the obstacles I encountered meant even I was quite pleased to get my ABBCE. And in my first year of university I got a First, which I was absolutely DELIGHTED about. So all I wanted to do this year was to reach the standard I had set myself and work and exert effort and do just as well again...
...which is why I'm not entirely sure why I'm not more upset about my three 2:1s. When I really think about it it's really quite upsetting, to know that working your hardest and putting in the most effort you could possibly put in is only worth 60.75%. Literally JUST a 2:1. Actually now I've got my calculator out and done the maths I feel a fair amount worse. I just want to excel. If I could look back on last semester and think "Well if I had done this/that/the other I would have probably done better" than fair play, I would have regrets due to not trying my best. But I cannot think of anything I could have done differently to get a higher grade.
I think this is about accepting my standard. My standard is only a 2:1. I need to work on eliminating my grand delusions of Firsts and just be okay with average.
Web Design - 54%, 2:2
Media Thinkers - 64%, 2:1
TV Studio Production - 64%, 2:1
Image & Visual Culture - 61%, 2:1
I'm really not sure how I feel about these grades.
I was totally fine about Web Design because I struggled with it in year 10 and I struggled with it this time too. HTML and coding and building the whole site had so many processes, and I've never been good at processes. This is why I always hated physics and maths, whilst I enjoyed humanities; they are more free thinking. So with Web Design I decided that rather than trying to be over-ambitious and not pulling it off I'd rather stick to my capabilities and get a firm pass, which I did.
Media Thinkers was a complicated module. I loved the subject and I loved the things I learnt, and I even loved the essay topics. LO AND BEHOLD I even loved WRITING THE ESSAYS. What I didn't love was the fact that with both essays I sent drafts to my lecturer to get feedback before I submitted my final one (feedback of which I followed) and I still only just got a 2:1. The way I see it, if I write an essay that needs improvement, the improvements I am suggested by the lecturer should allow me to achieve the highest possible grade. Call my crazy, but bearing in mind with the first essay I was only given 5 things to add (all of which I added) I did assume I'd done better than 64%. The second essay was even more ridiculous because all of the feedback I got for my draft was ALREADY IN MY ESSAY. And I still only scraped a 2:1. I've talked to the head of Media once about this and have got a meeting next week with the head of education or something, at which I can communicate my views on this. So even though I feel like I should have been given tuition that would have got me to a higher grade than a lower 2:1, I was unsurprised by my result.
TV Studio Production was a brilliant laugh, and I really, really enjoyed it. I am eager to get some feedback on my grade because I'd like to know where my portfolio blog lost marks because I thought I followed the instructions quite well.
Image and Visual Culture was hit and miss for me, I loved the practical side of it but struggled with the essay because we were restricted as to the sources we could reference, which for me was quite repressing. Additionally, my lecturer didn't have time to read my essay draft (I'm not going to go into this now because I'm still very cross) which I know was my downfall. I was so, so proud of my photo essay so I want to know what they didn't like about them. Essentially, I wanted to do very well in IVC, but as soon as I found that my essay draft wouldn't get read over, I lost hope.
For as long as I can remember I've been a perfectionist academically. I don't mean that I always achieve extremely highly, I mean that I always beat myself up when I don't. It began to an extreme when I got majority As at GCSE and was absolutely gutted they weren't A*s. I remember just HATING myself because I knew that I didn't work my absolute hardest, and I knew that if I had have worked my absolute hardest that I would have got A*s. When it came to A Level I had a pretty stressful time at school and the obstacles I encountered meant even I was quite pleased to get my ABBCE. And in my first year of university I got a First, which I was absolutely DELIGHTED about. So all I wanted to do this year was to reach the standard I had set myself and work and exert effort and do just as well again...
...which is why I'm not entirely sure why I'm not more upset about my three 2:1s. When I really think about it it's really quite upsetting, to know that working your hardest and putting in the most effort you could possibly put in is only worth 60.75%. Literally JUST a 2:1. Actually now I've got my calculator out and done the maths I feel a fair amount worse. I just want to excel. If I could look back on last semester and think "Well if I had done this/that/the other I would have probably done better" than fair play, I would have regrets due to not trying my best. But I cannot think of anything I could have done differently to get a higher grade.
I think this is about accepting my standard. My standard is only a 2:1. I need to work on eliminating my grand delusions of Firsts and just be okay with average.
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Routine
I don't know how I feel about routine.
When I'm with my friends and it's the holidays and we have no obligations and just take each day as it comes I absolutely revel in the lack of routine. However, last semester when I adored all my modules and had my timetable learnt by heart I really loved the routine of when and where I had to be and what I was going to learn.
You'd think from this that I'd be one of those happy go lucky cruiser-alongers and to be honest, I'd love to be. Sometimes I am. Sometimes I take change in my stride and can just grit my teeth and deal with whatever is thrown at me. But more recently I've been extremely susceptible to stress and have been suffering from anxiety induced illness very frequently. As much as I don't know the precise reasons as to why I'm a bit of a mess at the moment, I'm really hoping that settling back into termtime routine from tomorrow will help my brain out. It will give me some more focuses and I'm hoping to distract my conscious from whatever is subconsciously messing with my head.
Saying that though, at this precise moment I feel really terrified about routine because what if I don't feel well and what if I have an anxiety attack and what if I'm not good at one of my modules and what if I fall out with a friend and what if one of my lecturers doesn't like me?
When I don't have a routine I can invest time into thinking and analysing and trying to sort these things out. What if I don't have time anymore?
Although maybe having too much time to think is my absolute downfall.
When I'm with my friends and it's the holidays and we have no obligations and just take each day as it comes I absolutely revel in the lack of routine. However, last semester when I adored all my modules and had my timetable learnt by heart I really loved the routine of when and where I had to be and what I was going to learn.
You'd think from this that I'd be one of those happy go lucky cruiser-alongers and to be honest, I'd love to be. Sometimes I am. Sometimes I take change in my stride and can just grit my teeth and deal with whatever is thrown at me. But more recently I've been extremely susceptible to stress and have been suffering from anxiety induced illness very frequently. As much as I don't know the precise reasons as to why I'm a bit of a mess at the moment, I'm really hoping that settling back into termtime routine from tomorrow will help my brain out. It will give me some more focuses and I'm hoping to distract my conscious from whatever is subconsciously messing with my head.
Saying that though, at this precise moment I feel really terrified about routine because what if I don't feel well and what if I have an anxiety attack and what if I'm not good at one of my modules and what if I fall out with a friend and what if one of my lecturers doesn't like me?
When I don't have a routine I can invest time into thinking and analysing and trying to sort these things out. What if I don't have time anymore?
Although maybe having too much time to think is my absolute downfall.
Saturday, 14 January 2012
Time
Everyone bangs on irritatingly about how quickly time flies. Unfortunately it's hard to get too annoyed by this cliche (or any cliche I suppose) because it is absolutely terrifyingly accurate, albeit overused. It's overused because it's so accurate. As soon as I got to the age of about 11 I started noticing the speed of life because I was at secondary school and for the first time really in my life I had two separate stages of time to differentiate between. So everything that happened at secondary school was suddenly comparable to when I was at primary school. For example, on my first ever residential trip when I was 12 we were in a dorm and would chat about what we did the months before, which was at primary school. And suddenly we could appreciate that tangible time had gone by because we had physically and emotionally moved to another place in life.
The thing that got me thinking about this particularly this time sounds frivolous but is rather poignant for me. Matt Willis posted a tweet saying that today is 7 years since Busted split up. They split up when I had just turned 13 and I had been a fan since I was 10. I was only one a few people I knew who loved them, and I covered all my school books with photos of them. I even had Busted pyjamas. I took great pride in the fact I was into a band who played actual instruments and I secretly loved that all my Black Eyed Peas-listening friends teased me for liking "grunger" music.
The morning that the split was announced was a school day and my dad came into my room quite early. He woke me up and broke the news and I remember just being in denial, telling him he must be wrong and convincing myself of the same. Then I got angry, wondering how they could do this to the fans. Then I got upset and cried most of the day. It was genuinely like the stages of grief, but compressed into 5 minutes.
All day at school people laughed at me and made fun of me and were delighted at how the "grunger" band had broken up.
Anyway, I'm gonna shut up and summarise the point I'm trying to make. The day I just described was 7 years ago. How can something so long ago still be so clear? This demonstrates the speed of life. Life goes so quickly that even something that occurred the best part of a decade ago is still in my mind, as fresh as if it were last month.
I don't know how this works.
The thing that got me thinking about this particularly this time sounds frivolous but is rather poignant for me. Matt Willis posted a tweet saying that today is 7 years since Busted split up. They split up when I had just turned 13 and I had been a fan since I was 10. I was only one a few people I knew who loved them, and I covered all my school books with photos of them. I even had Busted pyjamas. I took great pride in the fact I was into a band who played actual instruments and I secretly loved that all my Black Eyed Peas-listening friends teased me for liking "grunger" music.
The morning that the split was announced was a school day and my dad came into my room quite early. He woke me up and broke the news and I remember just being in denial, telling him he must be wrong and convincing myself of the same. Then I got angry, wondering how they could do this to the fans. Then I got upset and cried most of the day. It was genuinely like the stages of grief, but compressed into 5 minutes.
All day at school people laughed at me and made fun of me and were delighted at how the "grunger" band had broken up.
Anyway, I'm gonna shut up and summarise the point I'm trying to make. The day I just described was 7 years ago. How can something so long ago still be so clear? This demonstrates the speed of life. Life goes so quickly that even something that occurred the best part of a decade ago is still in my mind, as fresh as if it were last month.
I don't know how this works.
Friday, 6 January 2012
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I think the most asked question to young children is What do you want to be when you grow up? Every time a child meets someone new, their own age or older, they ask the question. Something I've noticed recently is that young children always have an answer to that question. I don't think I've ever heard a child under the age of about 11 reply with "I don't know" (and I've known a lot of young children as my mum has been childminding since I was 4).
But when someone asks ME that question now, at the age of 20, I have no blooming idea how to answer.
Children tend to get asked "What do you want to BE?" and they can list of a million characters that they want to embody; fireman, vet, doctor, teacher...the list is really and truly endless. And they don't second guess their own answer, they say the exact thing that they want to be when they grow up and they don't consider for a split second that anything or anyone would try and deter them or get in their way.
However, we as young adults seem to get asked "What do you want to DO?". We can't just give the name of a type of person we want to emulate in our career path. We have to stop and we have to think about the things we want to DO when we are older.
DOING and BEING are horribly different. I remember first being aware of this when I began learning secondary school French when I was 11 and we had to learn verbs and put them with être (to be) or faire (to do) and I'd sit there trying to process whether I do or be the verbs.
But honestly, they are very different. Being someone is just being that person, you are that person, that's who you are. Doing something entails a process, usually a personal one; doing things is effort and work.
I miss when I used to just have to decide what I wanted to be. Because I can easily tell you a million things I want to be...I want to be happy and healthy and talented and determined and I want to be with my family and my friends.
But when you're asked what you want to do you have to consider actual processes, and the actions you want to take to get things done. Which is essentially and conclusively much more complex and involved than just knowing what you want to be.
But when someone asks ME that question now, at the age of 20, I have no blooming idea how to answer.
Children tend to get asked "What do you want to BE?" and they can list of a million characters that they want to embody; fireman, vet, doctor, teacher...the list is really and truly endless. And they don't second guess their own answer, they say the exact thing that they want to be when they grow up and they don't consider for a split second that anything or anyone would try and deter them or get in their way.
However, we as young adults seem to get asked "What do you want to DO?". We can't just give the name of a type of person we want to emulate in our career path. We have to stop and we have to think about the things we want to DO when we are older.
DOING and BEING are horribly different. I remember first being aware of this when I began learning secondary school French when I was 11 and we had to learn verbs and put them with être (to be) or faire (to do) and I'd sit there trying to process whether I do or be the verbs.
But honestly, they are very different. Being someone is just being that person, you are that person, that's who you are. Doing something entails a process, usually a personal one; doing things is effort and work.
I miss when I used to just have to decide what I wanted to be. Because I can easily tell you a million things I want to be...I want to be happy and healthy and talented and determined and I want to be with my family and my friends.
But when you're asked what you want to do you have to consider actual processes, and the actions you want to take to get things done. Which is essentially and conclusively much more complex and involved than just knowing what you want to be.
Thursday, 5 January 2012
Ending 2011 and starting 2012
It's a few days late this year but I'm going to do my blog about the previous year, 2011 (: I think this is the 5th one of these I have done, which is pretty exciting to be honest. But anyway, I'm going to go through the aims etc I set at the start of last year and see how I got one.
AIMS FOR 2011
- Get 1400 subscribers on my YouTube channel
1343. To be fair this is the worst I've ever done at a subscriber aim, but it's less important to me now. I am making my videos more for me and my friends rather than the wider audience, which is right for me at the moment. I'm hugely appreciative of the people who still keep up to date with my channel (:
- Get over my psychological issues with blue cheese
Yes! Tried Stilton several times and really liked it!
- Get over my psychological issues with raw fish
No. This isn't going to happen.
- Go to Yo Sushi after I have completed prior aim
See above.
- Get my tattoo done
Totally gone off the idea of getting a tattoo, think I did at the start of the summer.
- Get involved in the radio at my university
I did go to one meeting about it but it's a disorganised system and they never contacted me back ):
- Get the dermatillomania to fugoff
I'm doing MUCH better (:
- Get at least a 2:1 in Media Arts and at least a 2:2 in Film and Popular Culture at the end of first year
I got a first in Media Arts and a very high 2:2 in Film (with a first on an essay and an exam), massively proud of myself (:
- Still keep in touch with all my friends from home
To the absolutely best of my ability, yes. Obviously we don't speak as often or see eachother as often but that is the way the cookie crumbles I suppose. It's nice knowing who is still there for me though (:
- Go on some sort of holiday with friends
YESSSSSS ohmygosh Spain was incredible :D
- Do lots of cooking/days out with Joe
We saw eachother a few times at the start of the year but then he decided he didn't want to be friends with me anymore
- Vlog MUCH more regularly
Sometimes I did, sometimes not. See the first point.
- Get a wide angle or a fish eye lens for my camera
Yep got a wide angle at last :D
- Get a place with Simon, Simon, Lizzie and Hannah (unless Simon ends up going to Australia ofc)
Living with Lizzie and Hannah with Tall Simon down the road and Small Simon is in England across the other side of Twicks (:
- Turn 20 without having a nervous breakdown
SUCCESS :D
- Buy something from the Abercrombie and Hollister store in Kingston XD
What was I thinking?
- Carry on learning to not be paranoid about what people think of me
Well I tried...
THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2011
- My Chemical Romance with Simon!
AMAZING
- Les Mis with the other Simon!
AMAZING
- Getting a place with friends when we have to move out of halls
Nice
- Another 5 months in halls :D
Best thing ever, wish I were back there ):
- Making even more new friends at university
Lots (:
- More of my Media course
Adore it
- Everything really. I'm just so excited about everything to come!
Lovely. Lovely lovely lovely (:
And I also found at the end of the last end of year blog I wrote this:
"PS...It's mega weird to think that the next time I read this will probably be at the end of 2011. 365 days will have gone by and I will be reading it like OMFG IT'S GONE SO FAST! And I'll be TWENTY. Future Jocy, seriously, please don't mature. That would be your biggest and most boring mistake ever."
I think I can say truly and honestly, OMFG IT'S GONE SO FAST. Also, yes I am 20. And don't worry past Jocy, I didn't mature. I haven't made that big and boring mistake yet (:
And now the bit when I set my aims and things for the coming year, 2012!
AIMS FOR 2012
- Continue enjoying my course
- Get a 2:1 at the end of second year
- Stay with Stuart
- Not have arguments
- Lose weight
- Keep my hair in good conditioning PARTICULARLY by not straightening it very much at all
- Start thinking seriously about what I want to do after uni
- Turn 21 in a calm and sensible fashion :D
- Do not get mature. That would be tragic.
- Do something lovely with Stuart for our one year annimaversary (:
- Sort out my anxiety issues and just feel less ill and more healthy
THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2012
- Completely the second year of my course
- Going to Madeira with my family and Stuart and uncle Warren
- Michael McIntyre with Stuart and his family
- Green Day American Idiot musical!!!!!
- NEW YORK
- Losing weight
I cannot believe it is 2012. I remember when we won the Olympic bid in 2005 when I was 13, 7 years ago. I remember how excited everyone was and how it seemed so far into the future and when I asked my mum if we could go she told me that I'd be nearly 21 by then and wouldn't need her to come with me. And back then I couldn't fathom that. And SURE AS HELLIO it happened, holy guacamole. Luckily I feel in the exact same mindset as I did back then from a JOCY point of view. Obviously in some senses I'm older but I'm essentially the exact same person.
2011 was insane. Falling in love with Stuart being the most notable of all insanities XD Joe parting ways from me being another insanity. Both of these things I just didn't think would happen, and have showed me that literally anything can and will happen, good or bad, whether you expect it or not.
Ultimately, it's been incredible. Hello 2012 (:
AIMS FOR 2011
- Get 1400 subscribers on my YouTube channel
1343. To be fair this is the worst I've ever done at a subscriber aim, but it's less important to me now. I am making my videos more for me and my friends rather than the wider audience, which is right for me at the moment. I'm hugely appreciative of the people who still keep up to date with my channel (:
- Get over my psychological issues with blue cheese
Yes! Tried Stilton several times and really liked it!
- Get over my psychological issues with raw fish
No. This isn't going to happen.
- Go to Yo Sushi after I have completed prior aim
See above.
- Get my tattoo done
Totally gone off the idea of getting a tattoo, think I did at the start of the summer.
- Get involved in the radio at my university
I did go to one meeting about it but it's a disorganised system and they never contacted me back ):
- Get the dermatillomania to fugoff
I'm doing MUCH better (:
- Get at least a 2:1 in Media Arts and at least a 2:2 in Film and Popular Culture at the end of first year
I got a first in Media Arts and a very high 2:2 in Film (with a first on an essay and an exam), massively proud of myself (:
- Still keep in touch with all my friends from home
To the absolutely best of my ability, yes. Obviously we don't speak as often or see eachother as often but that is the way the cookie crumbles I suppose. It's nice knowing who is still there for me though (:
- Go on some sort of holiday with friends
YESSSSSS ohmygosh Spain was incredible :D
- Do lots of cooking/days out with Joe
We saw eachother a few times at the start of the year but then he decided he didn't want to be friends with me anymore
- Vlog MUCH more regularly
Sometimes I did, sometimes not. See the first point.
- Get a wide angle or a fish eye lens for my camera
Yep got a wide angle at last :D
- Get a place with Simon, Simon, Lizzie and Hannah (unless Simon ends up going to Australia ofc)
Living with Lizzie and Hannah with Tall Simon down the road and Small Simon is in England across the other side of Twicks (:
- Turn 20 without having a nervous breakdown
SUCCESS :D
- Buy something from the Abercrombie and Hollister store in Kingston XD
What was I thinking?
- Carry on learning to not be paranoid about what people think of me
Well I tried...
THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2011
- My Chemical Romance with Simon!
AMAZING
- Les Mis with the other Simon!
AMAZING
- Getting a place with friends when we have to move out of halls
Nice
- Another 5 months in halls :D
Best thing ever, wish I were back there ):
- Making even more new friends at university
Lots (:
- More of my Media course
Adore it
- Everything really. I'm just so excited about everything to come!
Lovely. Lovely lovely lovely (:
And I also found at the end of the last end of year blog I wrote this:
"PS...It's mega weird to think that the next time I read this will probably be at the end of 2011. 365 days will have gone by and I will be reading it like OMFG IT'S GONE SO FAST! And I'll be TWENTY. Future Jocy, seriously, please don't mature. That would be your biggest and most boring mistake ever."
I think I can say truly and honestly, OMFG IT'S GONE SO FAST. Also, yes I am 20. And don't worry past Jocy, I didn't mature. I haven't made that big and boring mistake yet (:
And now the bit when I set my aims and things for the coming year, 2012!
AIMS FOR 2012
- Continue enjoying my course
- Get a 2:1 at the end of second year
- Stay with Stuart
- Not have arguments
- Lose weight
- Keep my hair in good conditioning PARTICULARLY by not straightening it very much at all
- Start thinking seriously about what I want to do after uni
- Turn 21 in a calm and sensible fashion :D
- Do not get mature. That would be tragic.
- Do something lovely with Stuart for our one year annimaversary (:
- Sort out my anxiety issues and just feel less ill and more healthy
THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2012
- Completely the second year of my course
- Going to Madeira with my family and Stuart and uncle Warren
- Michael McIntyre with Stuart and his family
- Green Day American Idiot musical!!!!!
- NEW YORK
- Losing weight
I cannot believe it is 2012. I remember when we won the Olympic bid in 2005 when I was 13, 7 years ago. I remember how excited everyone was and how it seemed so far into the future and when I asked my mum if we could go she told me that I'd be nearly 21 by then and wouldn't need her to come with me. And back then I couldn't fathom that. And SURE AS HELLIO it happened, holy guacamole. Luckily I feel in the exact same mindset as I did back then from a JOCY point of view. Obviously in some senses I'm older but I'm essentially the exact same person.
2011 was insane. Falling in love with Stuart being the most notable of all insanities XD Joe parting ways from me being another insanity. Both of these things I just didn't think would happen, and have showed me that literally anything can and will happen, good or bad, whether you expect it or not.
Ultimately, it's been incredible. Hello 2012 (:
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