Hello. I'm Jocy and I post blogs in Pret A Manger.
I'm having a mental breakdown. I need to cry really badly but I'm in Pret A Manger and I'm wearing mascara and I have to go back to my work experience placement in half an hour.
My brain is falling apart. I'm exhausted due to jetlag and insomnia, I can barely eat and haven't consumed a normal day's calories in over a week.
I'm just gonna say outright what's up. Hardly anyone reads this anyway.
My best friend of 5 years doesn't care anymore. This is note being emo and paranoid, this is what I know. He's too cool for me now and because I won't get drunk and stoned with him, I'm not worth his time. I'm sure one day if I ever forget how amazing our 5 years as best friends were then I'll be able to believe it's his loss. But at the moment, it's not. He's surrounded by a group of people, going out, doing his thing. I do all this but at the back of my mind I have the knowledge that he doesn't care about me anymore. I'll forget for a bit and everything will be hunky dory, and then I'll remember. Try living with that. I don't feel bad putting this on the Internet; I tried to talk to him about it several times and he has made it more than clear he doesn't want to know. So I will talk about it here instead. Taylor Swift writes songs about people that treat her badly, I write blogs. Fair play in my opinion.
On top of that, I miss my uber best friend like hell. I haven't seen him in over 3 weeks. I haven't spoken to him properly in 5 days. I'm probably reacting worse to this than the normal person should, but there we go. It's making me feel quite depressed. I don't know if he knows. He'd rightly tell me to shush and pull myself together. I hope I see him soon.
These things clearly demonstrate that I am a very dependent person. If I don't have my friends constantly there, I don't function properly. My mind foes stupid horrible things and I convince myself that they don't care anymore and are annoyed by me and don't want to be friends with me anymore. In the first case this turned out to be disgustingly true. It really is one of my worst mightmares come true. What mKes it worse is that he knows this yet still won't talk to me.
Jocy is not a happy Jocy.
2 comments:
I went through all this too, but with a group of people. :/
It's horrible. I actually loved these people, and they treated me like shit. I told them about it, and they just got pissy with me. It's so hard, Jocy, but you've got to think that you're better off without him. He'll come back to you when he realises what a dick he's been; and if he doesn't, well... he's not worth it.
Try not to let it get you down, because it's so easy to. Just do things you enjoy and try and keep your mind off it. I know it's practically impossible to do so, but still.
You'll get through it :) xx
*nightmare
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