I feel so upset sitting here thinking about how everything that happened has amounted to what it's ever going to amount to and now it's over and what's unsaid is going to remain unsaid forever now.

Here we go
Take a bow
Because we're over now
You were not
There for me
When I needed you
It's over now
Some things are better left unsaid
Maybe we'll be able to be friends
If that's possible.

Me and Joe are good at Boys Like Girls.

Jocy says: (00:00:35)
the first one is the worst one when it comes to a broken heart, but the second album is the hardest when it comes to albums
Jocy says: (00:00:37)
SEE WHAT I DID THERE
Jocy says: (00:00:39)
*is proud*
Joe says: (00:00:53)
that was so lame it actually hurt to read
Jocy says: (00:01:06)
I GOT BOYS LIKE GIRLS LYRICS IN A SENTENCE IN CONTEXT
Jocy says: (00:01:09)
just face it, it was amazing
Joe says: (00:01:36)
yea, but without me you're just one amazing, and we all know that two is better than one
Jocy says: (00:02:54)
yeah but this level of amazing is contagious so someone like you who is often with me can also experience the real thing

Jocy is a lucky human.

I've had a really nice day today!
Joe came over early afternoon and we ate pizza in the garden and then we made peanut butter cookies which were so amazing, I will put the recipe at the bottom. Then he helped me with Sociology revision which was somehow made enjoyable, which I think says a lot about me and Joe xD And we had a Sociology break to go and make some origami animals for a project Joe is doing. Then we did more Sociology and ate lots of cookies. And then at about 8.15 Joe said "I'm really craving-" and before he could answer I said "I'm craving Chinese!" and he just looked at me and was like "I was going to say that." We have a LOT of same wavelength moments these days, which is just the best thing ever :D So we went to the Chinese down the road and then we took it to the field by my house and had a Chinese picnic and it was so nice, sitting in a field, eating Chinese food, chatting about nothing in particular and laughing at most.

Once tomorrow is over, I will be even happier!

Peanut Butter cookies:

260g peanut butter
200g sugar
1 egg

(Makes around 10 cookies, we doubled the recipe and made 21 xD)

1. Preheat the oven to 175 degrees
2. Grease baking tray
3. Mix all the ingredients together
4. Put spoonfuls of dough on the baking tray
5. Cook for around 8 minutes, until they feel firmish and the top layer is a bit darker
6. Leave to cool a bit - they get more crunchy but remain chewy and soft in the middle!

NOM NOM NOM

Photomagraphs

I took these photos when I went to Canary Wharf with Joe one afternoon. I'm pleased with them.

Sleeping with the light on

I tried to write this blog lots of times but I couldn't phrase it right.

The short and short of it is that it's a really nice feeling when people show they care about you. Like when my friends try to make me go to bed, because they know I'm having trouble sleeping lately.

Things are not great right now. I've got insomnia at the moment, like I usually do around exam season. This is making all the stress seem worse and as a result of this I feel pretty much constantly sick. But I know it will be over soon and I know I've got a couple of people to see me through the worst bit and I know it'll be fine in the end.

Nearly every time I've looked at a clock for the past 13 hours, it's been 11 minutes past the hour. The only one I missed was 11.11, which is the only one I care about. Sod's law hehe.

3.24am. 5th consecutive night that I'm awake past midnight. Bad.

I literally hate England. I always knew I hated England but I thought that I at least liked London. But I figured out this evening that I don’t even like that. I thought I loved London because of the skyline and the famous landmarks and the diversity and the hustle and bustle. And then I realised that you get these in any city. The only thing about London specifically that I like is that I’m not a tourist there. I know it well, I feel at home there and I enjoy not being a foreigner in such a famous place. But I don’t actually like London itself. The English weather is really getting me down. Everyone’s having braingasms over the sun and the heat, whereas I just find myself dreading it becoming grey and wet again, which is inevitable. I get SAD (Seasonal Affected Disorder) really badly and we get sufficient UV rays in England for a week at a time, tops. It just doesn’t cut it. Not to mention everyone (most people) in England are just moany gits. I’m being a moany git now. I wonder why? BECAUSE I LIVE HERE. We’re all so freakin’ uptight and unsatisfied with everything, and it’s completely understandable. I don’t want to dwell on politics, but what I will say is that our governmental system is so messed up that it only looks good in comparison to Zimbabwe’s. There’s nothing that sets England apart from any other country, we have no positive stereotypes. We might seem all quirky and awesome from the point of view of other nationalities, but it’s all total rubbish. We don’t drink tea all the time (but what would it matter if we did, tea isn’t even British) and we do not say “top hole” and “chap” in day to day conversations.

I’m going to stay in England for university and I’m going to start myself off as something. And then once I’ve got something to show for myself, I’m out of here and I’m starting again. I’m going somewhere where the gaseous fire ball in the sky actually does something remotely useful, and where the human beings are pleased to be on this planet.

Tonight is a good, good night. Ooh ooh.

I'm sitting in my room typing this.
Joe is to my left, writing me a letter in my notebook that he has a matching one to.
A plate of Smarties cookies that we made together are to Joe's right.
We're surrounded by guitars that we have been playing together.
A bit later we're going to write a song.

It's times like this that I just feel so content with everything. I've got my best friend in the world next to me and we ate pizza and we made cookies and seriously, what more could anyone want?

I love Joe so so so so so so so so much (':