I'm having an identity crisis. This blog is about how I know this, and will explain past events that I can use as indicators.

When I was 14 I first dyed my hair. Wash in wash out black. I was finally into rock music and wanted to reflect this in my clothes, makeup and hair. I took pride in the fact that for the first time in my life I fit into a category. Obviously I bitched and whinged about the labels (I had to, we had to fight the system you see) but who was I kidding? I loved it.

Over the next two years I tried out so many different hair dyes. Black, dark brown, red, purple, pink, blue. I had now discovered punk. This hair showed that, so that people could instantly tell as soon as they met me that that was the scene I was into.
I was instantly, accurately judgeable. Again, we "hated" it, but I'm sure we fooled no one. It was the best thing ever.

As I approached 17 I lost myself a bit. My group of friends kind of dissolved and I didn't slot into a category anymore.
How could I have a place in an entire subculture if
I couldn't even have a place in a group of school friends? The hair dye stopped, because I didn't have a side of my personality to reflect anymore; for three months, I was hollow.

Three months after I turned 17, I started re-establishing myself. My confidence was back and better than ever, I had a group of people I was a part of and I wanted people to know this. Bam, permanent red hair dye. People associated it with me, and I loved it.

For 16 months I tried to make the red brighter and brighter, as red as possible. But now I'm approaching 19, and I don't feel that the red hair should be mine anymore. I'm not really sure why, hence the identity crisis. I don't think I want to spend the next however long as the one with red hair. I don't want my hair to make my personality judgeable anymore. That was perfect when I was 15 and needed instant acceptance and recognition for who I was. Now, I want to have more to show for myself.

Tomorrow there's going to be a huge hair change. I want something less overt than this bright, unnatural red. But I want it to show my personality at a glance. Trip to get hair dye in the morning. Till then, hair suggestions would be hugely welcomed!