Ten highlights of 2011
10. Halls
9. Animal park with Stu, Becky and Ben
8. Decorating my room
7. Breaking into the loft
6. Getting stuck in the lift
5. Segway around Bruges
4. Barry Roadtrip
3. Falling down Primrose Hill
2. Spain
1. Stuart
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
Sunday, 25 December 2011
OMG WTF 2011
So I usually wait until new year's eve until I do my big reminiscent and sentimental blog about the past year and the forthcoming one, and whilst I am not saying I shan't be doing one next week too, there are some things I want to talk about now as well.
Firstly...HOW DID ANY OF THIS HAPPEN?! Like seriously. Some things happened this year that I honest to god would not have thought possible in a MONTH OF SUNDAYS. Ps where does that saying come from? I'm quoting the grandpa in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, but seriously that makes no sense. I know what he means though, and it is also what I mean.
Back to it. WHAT THE HELL. HOW. WHY. Ugh. I'm not complaining, but I'm just really not comprehending. I think for my own sake I need to write this down, because it's a mush in my head. Let's give this some order.
FIRST THING:
Jocy Got A Boyfriend Who She Loves To Absolute Pieces And Who Loves Her This Much Back
I am not going to do a poor little me act, because I've never worried about boys not liking me, or even particularly thought that boys didn't like me. But whilst my friends were worrying about GETTING boys to like them I really couldn't be bothered and I was of the mentality that when it happened it would happen. I just didn't think I was correct.
But lo and behold, I was. Circumstantially, me and Stuart even crossing paths was so unlikely that it genuinely terrifies me to think about. He had trouble hearing back from our uni, I applied totally last minute, I didn't get a place in Halls till a week before moving in and prior to that I didn't even APPLY for the Halls I eventually DID get put in. Stuart is doing sport, I'm doing media. There is NO WAY IN HELL that we would have met if it wasn't for the PURE CHANCE that we were placed down the same corridor. This terrifies me. Everything is so freaking unlikely, and when amazing stuff happens there is more of chance that it wouldn't have happened. Maybe this is why every day of my life I can't believe I'm with Stuart. Or maybe it's because he is quite literally everything I have ever heard any of my girl friends wish they had in a boyfriend. I'm just so unbelievably lucky, that's all there is to it, it is pure categorical luck that we met, and that makes it even more bloomin' incredible.
SECOND THING:
Not Drinking Is Still Proving To Be An Obstacles With Friendships
I've grown apart from some uni people this year. There is NO WAY I would be arrogant enough as to claim it is no one's fault, because of course it is. We are all busy, and it is so much harder to keep in contact outside of Halls, especially when we are scattered over a few miles. But they all see eachother when they go out clubbing or drinking, and I DESPISE these pursuits. Granted, when I was at school it actually lost me friends whereas now it just makes it harder to relate to people, and for them to relate to me. But I am baffled by the fact that it's still somewhat of a downfall. It feels a bit unfair. But I know I'm the minority. But I really did think that as I got older the novelty of alcohol and parties would wear off for people. How naive of me. I'm not slating anyone who likes this stuff, I just can't believe that it's still getting in the way of other thought processes in my brain.
THIRD THING:
Jocy And Joe Are Not Really Anything Anymore
Let me tell you this for a fact, if it were up to me, Joe would still be my best friend. Because ultimately I really couldn't give a flying fart how much he annoyed me, there is nothing he could do that was bad enough for me to not want him in my life anymore. Unfortunately this is not an outlook he shared (though I'd be lying if I said I thought he didn't think like this up until this all happened). What adds insult to injury is that I feel the FALL-OUT was entirely unjustified. And then there was the whole Facebook message in which he told me we shouldn't talk for a while and 3 days later he had deleted me off Facebook. I guess not talking for a while didn't actually mean not talking for a while, it meant he didn't want any contact with me ever again. Which is pretty hurtful and was without a doubt the worst thing that happened to me this year. Or in maybe quite a few years. I never thought this would happen. Ugh I do not want to get upset now but how can I not be? I don't want to not be friends with him anymore. I have some of my best memories with him, and I just want him back if I'm totally honest. I planned on this section being all like "Ho hum, c'est la vie" but as much as this IS life, this is also unbelievably shit. I kind of feel like he's died, because he's not in my life anymore as anything other than a memory. That's what death is to the people left behind. I'm bloody glad he's not dead, which I did text him to tell him last month (he didn't reply), but I wish he was still ALIVE IN MY LIFE for want of a less cliche phrase. In the unlikely event that he reads this (he's unfollowed me from everything he originally followed me on) I would quite like him to know that I miss the hell out of him and as much as I'm fairly furious at how this whole situation was dealt with, I'd have never been the one to throw him away.
FOURTH THING:
Jocy Moved Into A Flat
For 18 years I lived with my parents. Then for a year I lived in a protective bubble on campus. Now I live in a flat, with a rent, without supervision of any kind. There isn't much to say about this other than APOGDSHFJKGFCVX#old
Okay well I thought there would be more things to this but it turns out there's not. I think this explains the general gist of my brain round about now. We can summarise this in 4 concise points:
1. JOCY LOVES STUART LOADS
2. JOCY STILL DOESN'T LIKE ALCOHOL
3. JOE DOESN'T LIKE JOCY
4. JOCY HAS FLAT
Good night and merry holidays x
Firstly...HOW DID ANY OF THIS HAPPEN?! Like seriously. Some things happened this year that I honest to god would not have thought possible in a MONTH OF SUNDAYS. Ps where does that saying come from? I'm quoting the grandpa in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, but seriously that makes no sense. I know what he means though, and it is also what I mean.
Back to it. WHAT THE HELL. HOW. WHY. Ugh. I'm not complaining, but I'm just really not comprehending. I think for my own sake I need to write this down, because it's a mush in my head. Let's give this some order.
FIRST THING:
Jocy Got A Boyfriend Who She Loves To Absolute Pieces And Who Loves Her This Much Back
I am not going to do a poor little me act, because I've never worried about boys not liking me, or even particularly thought that boys didn't like me. But whilst my friends were worrying about GETTING boys to like them I really couldn't be bothered and I was of the mentality that when it happened it would happen. I just didn't think I was correct.
But lo and behold, I was. Circumstantially, me and Stuart even crossing paths was so unlikely that it genuinely terrifies me to think about. He had trouble hearing back from our uni, I applied totally last minute, I didn't get a place in Halls till a week before moving in and prior to that I didn't even APPLY for the Halls I eventually DID get put in. Stuart is doing sport, I'm doing media. There is NO WAY IN HELL that we would have met if it wasn't for the PURE CHANCE that we were placed down the same corridor. This terrifies me. Everything is so freaking unlikely, and when amazing stuff happens there is more of chance that it wouldn't have happened. Maybe this is why every day of my life I can't believe I'm with Stuart. Or maybe it's because he is quite literally everything I have ever heard any of my girl friends wish they had in a boyfriend. I'm just so unbelievably lucky, that's all there is to it, it is pure categorical luck that we met, and that makes it even more bloomin' incredible.
SECOND THING:
Not Drinking Is Still Proving To Be An Obstacles With Friendships
I've grown apart from some uni people this year. There is NO WAY I would be arrogant enough as to claim it is no one's fault, because of course it is. We are all busy, and it is so much harder to keep in contact outside of Halls, especially when we are scattered over a few miles. But they all see eachother when they go out clubbing or drinking, and I DESPISE these pursuits. Granted, when I was at school it actually lost me friends whereas now it just makes it harder to relate to people, and for them to relate to me. But I am baffled by the fact that it's still somewhat of a downfall. It feels a bit unfair. But I know I'm the minority. But I really did think that as I got older the novelty of alcohol and parties would wear off for people. How naive of me. I'm not slating anyone who likes this stuff, I just can't believe that it's still getting in the way of other thought processes in my brain.
THIRD THING:
Jocy And Joe Are Not Really Anything Anymore
Let me tell you this for a fact, if it were up to me, Joe would still be my best friend. Because ultimately I really couldn't give a flying fart how much he annoyed me, there is nothing he could do that was bad enough for me to not want him in my life anymore. Unfortunately this is not an outlook he shared (though I'd be lying if I said I thought he didn't think like this up until this all happened). What adds insult to injury is that I feel the FALL-OUT was entirely unjustified. And then there was the whole Facebook message in which he told me we shouldn't talk for a while and 3 days later he had deleted me off Facebook. I guess not talking for a while didn't actually mean not talking for a while, it meant he didn't want any contact with me ever again. Which is pretty hurtful and was without a doubt the worst thing that happened to me this year. Or in maybe quite a few years. I never thought this would happen. Ugh I do not want to get upset now but how can I not be? I don't want to not be friends with him anymore. I have some of my best memories with him, and I just want him back if I'm totally honest. I planned on this section being all like "Ho hum, c'est la vie" but as much as this IS life, this is also unbelievably shit. I kind of feel like he's died, because he's not in my life anymore as anything other than a memory. That's what death is to the people left behind. I'm bloody glad he's not dead, which I did text him to tell him last month (he didn't reply), but I wish he was still ALIVE IN MY LIFE for want of a less cliche phrase. In the unlikely event that he reads this (he's unfollowed me from everything he originally followed me on) I would quite like him to know that I miss the hell out of him and as much as I'm fairly furious at how this whole situation was dealt with, I'd have never been the one to throw him away.
FOURTH THING:
Jocy Moved Into A Flat
For 18 years I lived with my parents. Then for a year I lived in a protective bubble on campus. Now I live in a flat, with a rent, without supervision of any kind. There isn't much to say about this other than APOGDSHFJKGF
Okay well I thought there would be more things to this but it turns out there's not. I think this explains the general gist of my brain round about now. We can summarise this in 4 concise points:
1. JOCY LOVES STUART LOADS
2. JOCY STILL DOESN'T LIKE ALCOHOL
3. JOE DOESN'T LIKE JOCY
4. JOCY HAS FLAT
Good night and merry holidays x
Monday, 19 December 2011
ALSO.
In the new year I'm going to buy a set of scales, one that show up a digital number so that nothing can be misconstrued. And I'm going to stand religiously on those scales every single day and read that hideous number if that isn't enough to make me stop eating then nothing will be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BLOG.
Finished uni for the semester. Worked my absolute behind off like never before. Got one assignment back and did not do as well as I had hoped. Kind of dreading getting the rest back because doing not as well as you hoped is ten times worse when you know you tried your absolute best.
Tuesday, 13 December 2011
I really can't write a big blog post now because I've had a mega long day and still haven't been to sleep on account of the billion decibel wind and rain storm outside that has been blazing for the last god knows how many hours.
But I really want to vlog and blog more regularly because legacies are important.
So my officially December 13th resolution is to do just that.
Good night, for now x
But I really want to vlog and blog more regularly because legacies are important.
So my officially December 13th resolution is to do just that.
Good night, for now x
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Getting over things
I've never really understood the concept of "getting over" something. What does it even mean? I spose the context I've heard it in most was when my friends broke up with they boy/girlfriends at secondary school and used to say things like "I'll never get over him/her" and "How do I get over him/her?" And I always used to wonder, why do you WANT to get over them?
I don't for a moment think that it's healthy to never "get over" someone. But I don't think it's particularly healthy to entirely "get over" someone who impacted your life, whether it be in a good way or a bad way.
I can relate this to two things in my life. The first was this guy I liked for a few years in secondary school. Nothing really ever happened, but I only "got over" him when I got to uni and didn't have to see him every day. And by "got over" I mean that I stopped fancying him. But I haven't REALLY "got over" it because it still makes me sad when I think about how much he messed me around. But I don't think this is a bad thing. I think that it's fine for the remnants of a past ANYTHING to linger. It shows that it had an effect on you, and is affecting how you live your life today. It is proof that the experience moulded you. I love my boyfriend to absolute pieces (even more so than I did the last time I wrote that in my blog probably) but that doesn't detract from how I used to feel about the person that I used to fancy. And that's fine. Because how happy I am now with Stuart just reaffirms how not happy the person I used to like made me, and how not happy I would have essentially have been if it were him I'd ended up with. So I really don't want to ever FULLY "get over" the guy because then how would I be so sure of how much I love Stuart if I had nothing to gauge it against? I learnt so much from that whole shebang, and I don't want to be over it.
The other thing I can relate this to is much more fresh on my mind because it happened more recently. I wouldn't have blogged about it had the person it happened with not deleted me off Facebook, because as far as I'm concerned, this day in age that is the do or die in wanting to cut contact with someone. So I don't feel like I'm invading anything by writing it here. The short and short of it is that I'm not best friends with the person who I was best friends with for abour 5 years anymore. I feel fine about it at the moment, but I know that's because it hasn't sunk in yet. Once it hits me properly I'll probably cry for ages. And then I'll be fine. I'll "get over it". Somehow, "getting over it" seems a more attractive choice in this example than in the above. Maybe it's because I still feel angry about it, maybe it's because I feel I've been unfairly treated, or maybe it's because I just cannot bear to hang onto anything to do with him any longer. Part of me really REALLY wants to "get over" it. I can't listen to the music of the bands we saw in concert together. I can't look at photos of us from over the years. I just want no emotional/tangible link to anything to do with him and what we had as best friends. I think I do really honestly want to get over him. Or maybe I don't, maybe it's just because of the reasons I aforementioned.
So the past few hours I've been trying to work out, how do you get over someone who helped to mould most aspects of you? I feel like he'll never be gone from my life because there's barely anything I can think of that doesn't relate to something we had at some point or another. I want to throw everything of his that I own away, I want to erase as much of him as possible. I'm not going to do these things because I'm probably just being dramatic because it's still sore. Deep down I know that it's not healthy to "get over" it. I should be able to see that in hindsight our friendship wasn't meant to be forever like we both thought. And I should be able to look back and smile at what was. At the moment I can't do this, but this is what I'm aiming for. After all, I was the one who was deleted. I would never be the deleter. This is how I know I can't get rid of all of his stuff and erase all of our photos together. Because I can't DO deleting. I'm too obsessed with photos and blogs and videos. It's in my nature to record things.
Conclusively, this is why I think I do not believe in getting over anything. It should always be there. A legacy of what was. Whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. It was, and it should remain.
I don't for a moment think that it's healthy to never "get over" someone. But I don't think it's particularly healthy to entirely "get over" someone who impacted your life, whether it be in a good way or a bad way.
I can relate this to two things in my life. The first was this guy I liked for a few years in secondary school. Nothing really ever happened, but I only "got over" him when I got to uni and didn't have to see him every day. And by "got over" I mean that I stopped fancying him. But I haven't REALLY "got over" it because it still makes me sad when I think about how much he messed me around. But I don't think this is a bad thing. I think that it's fine for the remnants of a past ANYTHING to linger. It shows that it had an effect on you, and is affecting how you live your life today. It is proof that the experience moulded you. I love my boyfriend to absolute pieces (even more so than I did the last time I wrote that in my blog probably) but that doesn't detract from how I used to feel about the person that I used to fancy. And that's fine. Because how happy I am now with Stuart just reaffirms how not happy the person I used to like made me, and how not happy I would have essentially have been if it were him I'd ended up with. So I really don't want to ever FULLY "get over" the guy because then how would I be so sure of how much I love Stuart if I had nothing to gauge it against? I learnt so much from that whole shebang, and I don't want to be over it.
The other thing I can relate this to is much more fresh on my mind because it happened more recently. I wouldn't have blogged about it had the person it happened with not deleted me off Facebook, because as far as I'm concerned, this day in age that is the do or die in wanting to cut contact with someone. So I don't feel like I'm invading anything by writing it here. The short and short of it is that I'm not best friends with the person who I was best friends with for abour 5 years anymore. I feel fine about it at the moment, but I know that's because it hasn't sunk in yet. Once it hits me properly I'll probably cry for ages. And then I'll be fine. I'll "get over it". Somehow, "getting over it" seems a more attractive choice in this example than in the above. Maybe it's because I still feel angry about it, maybe it's because I feel I've been unfairly treated, or maybe it's because I just cannot bear to hang onto anything to do with him any longer. Part of me really REALLY wants to "get over" it. I can't listen to the music of the bands we saw in concert together. I can't look at photos of us from over the years. I just want no emotional/tangible link to anything to do with him and what we had as best friends. I think I do really honestly want to get over him. Or maybe I don't, maybe it's just because of the reasons I aforementioned.
So the past few hours I've been trying to work out, how do you get over someone who helped to mould most aspects of you? I feel like he'll never be gone from my life because there's barely anything I can think of that doesn't relate to something we had at some point or another. I want to throw everything of his that I own away, I want to erase as much of him as possible. I'm not going to do these things because I'm probably just being dramatic because it's still sore. Deep down I know that it's not healthy to "get over" it. I should be able to see that in hindsight our friendship wasn't meant to be forever like we both thought. And I should be able to look back and smile at what was. At the moment I can't do this, but this is what I'm aiming for. After all, I was the one who was deleted. I would never be the deleter. This is how I know I can't get rid of all of his stuff and erase all of our photos together. Because I can't DO deleting. I'm too obsessed with photos and blogs and videos. It's in my nature to record things.
Conclusively, this is why I think I do not believe in getting over anything. It should always be there. A legacy of what was. Whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. It was, and it should remain.
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
I'm sitting in the ref at uni. Last year I must have eaten over 100 meals here, each one sitting with a group of the best people I have ever met. I've got some of my best memories in this room. Banoffee pie and curly fries, becoming obsessed with the salad bar, facepalming the incompetence of the staff and making vlogs in here right at the end. Every face in here always looked familiar, even the ones belonging to people I never spoke to or met. And when we were finished we would walk back to Halls and within 10 minutes we were piled into someone's room doing something or other, but always laughing.
I'm sitting in the ref. I'm waiting for Stuart to come out of his lecture. I've never waited for someone in the ref before because I always went back to my room and waited there. But now I have to wait here. No one looks familiar because every face is new. Everyone is younger than me. I haven't got a group of people sitting with me to laugh with because this isn't our domain anymore. We have been turfed out and thrown into the next stage of our lives, and in this stage we don't have the self-enclosed university campus to rely on for our daily routine anymore.
I think I feel jealous more than anything, solely because my first year of uni was the best time of my life so far. I'm jealous of the people who are just embarking on it because I know that even if their experience is half as good as mine then it will be absolutely incredible. They've got hours in the ref to look forward to in which they will create their own memories that will be some of the best they've ever had.
I'm very much looking forward to being settled in my new routine of living off-campus so that it can hopefully be just as, if not more amazing than my year in Halls was.
I know from experience that life isn't about where you are, it's about who you're with. And I'm still with the same favourite people so I believe I can continue having a brilliant time, even if my stint in Halls is over.
I'm sitting in the ref. I'm waiting for Stuart to come out of his lecture. I've never waited for someone in the ref before because I always went back to my room and waited there. But now I have to wait here. No one looks familiar because every face is new. Everyone is younger than me. I haven't got a group of people sitting with me to laugh with because this isn't our domain anymore. We have been turfed out and thrown into the next stage of our lives, and in this stage we don't have the self-enclosed university campus to rely on for our daily routine anymore.
I think I feel jealous more than anything, solely because my first year of uni was the best time of my life so far. I'm jealous of the people who are just embarking on it because I know that even if their experience is half as good as mine then it will be absolutely incredible. They've got hours in the ref to look forward to in which they will create their own memories that will be some of the best they've ever had.
I'm very much looking forward to being settled in my new routine of living off-campus so that it can hopefully be just as, if not more amazing than my year in Halls was.
I know from experience that life isn't about where you are, it's about who you're with. And I'm still with the same favourite people so I believe I can continue having a brilliant time, even if my stint in Halls is over.
Monday, 15 August 2011
This blog could easily have a million chapters.
I have so much stuff that I want to get off of my chest. I want to be creative but I don't feel like vlogging is a feasible way to do this at the moment. I wish I could explain that in greater depth, for my own sake, but I really can't. I just know that I'm not really feeling up to making videos at the moment. Which has had some horrific knock-on effects, or maybe this is the knock-on effect from other things, but either way, it's terrible. I hopefully will be able to talk about that more in the very near future.
So instead I'm going to talk about something that has been angering the hell out of me lately. Basically, a lot of people I know (from primary school and secondary school mostly) have been having babies lately, very young. As in from the ages of 16-19. This isn't what's angering me. What's angering me is this one particular girl who I went to school with who had a baby at 18 and in my mind is an absolutely diabolical mother. It scares me that I feel this strongly about it because I know that I am in no means qualified to do so. But this girl has been posting stuff on Facebook lately that has made my blood utterly boil. I shouldn't do this really, but I'm going to have to paste the status she posted earlier.
"Some On Just Got Off The Train Which Was Full Of Pakis With A 'Team BMP' Top On Hhe Must Be Feeling Brave lool :P x"
I'm not going to pass judgement on the absolutely atrocious spelling and grammar (ahem), but the content of this status, I'm going to judge the absolute hell out of that.
She's a mother who casually refers to minorities as "pakis" and thinks that she supports the "BMP". It would be bad enough if she supported the BNP, but the fact that she is so illiterate (and presumable deaf?) that she doesn't even know that it's the BNP (British National Party) as opposed to the British Mational Party. She doesn't know what the acronym of the political party that she apparently supports stands for. This is ridiculous in itself, but what takes this to a whole new level of absolute tragedy is that the BNP are a fascist group of neo-Nazis who want everyone but the "true British" out of the country. It's run by a HOLOCAUST DENIER.
As a Jew with absolutely no "British" blood (every single one of my great grandparents is from Eastern Europe) and who believes firmly in multi-culturalism I am quite frankly terrified of anyone who supports such a party. But what terrifies me more is that the girl who posted this has a baby daughter who has a mother who is going to raise her in such a way that she is going to be indoctrinated with racist ideals, and really, what hope does that give her? More so, what hope does that give us? That mothers are willing to be so casually racist in such a public domain as Facebook, mothers who have small children to bring up. The figure of speech, "bring up" seems somewhat contrary here, because to me, forcing BNP levels of racism upon your young family is knocking them down more than bringing them up.
Which brings me to the question I have been asking myself since I saw the status she posted this evening: Is she a bad mother?
The other side of the coin is that the majority of her other statuses (aside from "The BMP Wouldn't Let This Happen David Cameron Needs To Go!" on Monday night during the worst of the rioting - ironic bearing in mind lots of white people were involved too) are about how much she adores her daughter. She takes her on holiday, she quite clearly loves her a lot. But does this really go hand-in-hand with her being a blatant racist? To me, it does not. Her daughter will grow up being loved, I would never dispute that. But her daughter will also grow up hating ethnic minorities. Which in my eyes makes her destined to be a bad human and a negative contribution to society already. Surely the process of "bringing up" is to create a worthy, good citizen? It is in my eyes.
So I have come to the conclusion that in my opinion, this girl is not a good mother. She can buy her daughter all the toys in the world and shower her with as many cuddles and kisses as is humanely possible. But if her daughter is going to grow up to be a racist due to her mother's racist influence, then I do not believe she has been parented in a good way.
So instead I'm going to talk about something that has been angering the hell out of me lately. Basically, a lot of people I know (from primary school and secondary school mostly) have been having babies lately, very young. As in from the ages of 16-19. This isn't what's angering me. What's angering me is this one particular girl who I went to school with who had a baby at 18 and in my mind is an absolutely diabolical mother. It scares me that I feel this strongly about it because I know that I am in no means qualified to do so. But this girl has been posting stuff on Facebook lately that has made my blood utterly boil. I shouldn't do this really, but I'm going to have to paste the status she posted earlier.
"Some On Just Got Off The Train Which Was Full Of Pakis With A 'Team BMP' Top On Hhe Must Be Feeling Brave lool :P x"
I'm not going to pass judgement on the absolutely atrocious spelling and grammar (ahem), but the content of this status, I'm going to judge the absolute hell out of that.
She's a mother who casually refers to minorities as "pakis" and thinks that she supports the "BMP". It would be bad enough if she supported the BNP, but the fact that she is so illiterate (and presumable deaf?) that she doesn't even know that it's the BNP (British National Party) as opposed to the British Mational Party. She doesn't know what the acronym of the political party that she apparently supports stands for. This is ridiculous in itself, but what takes this to a whole new level of absolute tragedy is that the BNP are a fascist group of neo-Nazis who want everyone but the "true British" out of the country. It's run by a HOLOCAUST DENIER.
As a Jew with absolutely no "British" blood (every single one of my great grandparents is from Eastern Europe) and who believes firmly in multi-culturalism I am quite frankly terrified of anyone who supports such a party. But what terrifies me more is that the girl who posted this has a baby daughter who has a mother who is going to raise her in such a way that she is going to be indoctrinated with racist ideals, and really, what hope does that give her? More so, what hope does that give us? That mothers are willing to be so casually racist in such a public domain as Facebook, mothers who have small children to bring up. The figure of speech, "bring up" seems somewhat contrary here, because to me, forcing BNP levels of racism upon your young family is knocking them down more than bringing them up.
Which brings me to the question I have been asking myself since I saw the status she posted this evening: Is she a bad mother?
The other side of the coin is that the majority of her other statuses (aside from "The BMP Wouldn't Let This Happen David Cameron Needs To Go!" on Monday night during the worst of the rioting - ironic bearing in mind lots of white people were involved too) are about how much she adores her daughter. She takes her on holiday, she quite clearly loves her a lot. But does this really go hand-in-hand with her being a blatant racist? To me, it does not. Her daughter will grow up being loved, I would never dispute that. But her daughter will also grow up hating ethnic minorities. Which in my eyes makes her destined to be a bad human and a negative contribution to society already. Surely the process of "bringing up" is to create a worthy, good citizen? It is in my eyes.
So I have come to the conclusion that in my opinion, this girl is not a good mother. She can buy her daughter all the toys in the world and shower her with as many cuddles and kisses as is humanely possible. But if her daughter is going to grow up to be a racist due to her mother's racist influence, then I do not believe she has been parented in a good way.
Sunday, 17 July 2011
Marriage and the like; some thoughts.
Right so I had initially planned to vlog about all this but I've since then decided to write a blog about it first so that my vlog is more concise, because honestly this is something I'm VERY confused about.
I'm 19 years old. I'm at university, I've been with my (first) boyfriend for 5 months, I'm unemployed. I'm in full time education and I have hobbies and I do any work experience I can get my hands on. I hang out with my friends, any money I can save I use for concerts, days out and ice cream. This is the stage of my life that I am at, and this is the life most of the people my own age that I know are living.
Unsurprisingly, when I realised that it is now a norm for people of my age, and at my stage in life to get MARRIED. The last month or so, SO MANY of my friends have got engaged. And from Facebook and the nature of the newsfeed, I also know that many of my friends' friends are getting married and engaged, also of my own age.
I am gobsmacked. Initially, I was gobsmacked because I just felt that surely I can't be so old that I'm an age when getting engaged is socially acceptable? And then I have to remind myself that I'm 19, and despite the fact that I still feel the same as when I was 16, I'm not 16 any more.
So then I thought it through and I decided that fair enough, people getting engaged at this age is totally fine. Legally, it's totally legit, and we are mature and we can think for ourselves and make our own decisions. And we are old enough when we can have been with someone for a few years, and if that is long enough to know that we want to spend the rest of our life with them then why the hell should we NOT get married to them?
And then I thought of it some more. Marriage is about so much more than how old we are and how long we've been with our other half. And I came to the conclusion that getting engaged at my AGE is totally fine. But getting engaged if you're at my stage of life...in my opinion, that's just bizarre.
I find it hard to fathom that anyone who is at uni, loving spending day in and day out with their friends and having a laugh living on Sainsbury's Basics can be ready to get married. It doesn't matter if you're 19 or 29 (after all, the term "young" so so subjective, as it could refer to someone that is 6 or someone that is 26), marriage is much more to do with the stage you are at in your life.
I'm so happy for all the people I know who have recently got engaged. I think it's so lovely that they are getting ready to commit to spending the rest of their life with the person that they love. But I really don't see why they think it's necessary. I love my boyfriend to absolute pieces and I adore the thought of spending the rest of my life with him. Do I feel like this means I have to marry him asap? No I don't. Me and Stuart like it, but we don't need to put a ring on it. We're extremely happy together, we see eachother a lot of the time and when I'm not with him I miss him a lot. But we don't need to get engaged, because we know that if we are still together when this stage of our lives is over, then that will be an option. But for now, at the stage of life we are currently at, we are not planning our marriage. We can plan ON marrying eachother ONE DAY, but now, it's just not relevant to our lives.
Which is why I am absolutely not knocking anyone I know who has recently got, or is getting engaged, at our age. I passionately believe that each is to their own, and I will always stick by that. However that does not make it any easier for me to comprehend how someone at this (and by this, I mean the stage of life I've been referring to throughout this blog) point in life can have marriage as a feasible option.
As I said, I would never judge or knock anyone who is not likeminded to me. I am so, so interested in this as it has suddenly become very prominent in my life, so if anyone has any experiences of themselves or their friends, or even if anyone just has an opinion on this, I'd be massively enthusiastic about hearing it.
Thank you for reading, and please leave your views (:
I'm 19 years old. I'm at university, I've been with my (first) boyfriend for 5 months, I'm unemployed. I'm in full time education and I have hobbies and I do any work experience I can get my hands on. I hang out with my friends, any money I can save I use for concerts, days out and ice cream. This is the stage of my life that I am at, and this is the life most of the people my own age that I know are living.
Unsurprisingly, when I realised that it is now a norm for people of my age, and at my stage in life to get MARRIED. The last month or so, SO MANY of my friends have got engaged. And from Facebook and the nature of the newsfeed, I also know that many of my friends' friends are getting married and engaged, also of my own age.
I am gobsmacked. Initially, I was gobsmacked because I just felt that surely I can't be so old that I'm an age when getting engaged is socially acceptable? And then I have to remind myself that I'm 19, and despite the fact that I still feel the same as when I was 16, I'm not 16 any more.
So then I thought it through and I decided that fair enough, people getting engaged at this age is totally fine. Legally, it's totally legit, and we are mature and we can think for ourselves and make our own decisions. And we are old enough when we can have been with someone for a few years, and if that is long enough to know that we want to spend the rest of our life with them then why the hell should we NOT get married to them?
And then I thought of it some more. Marriage is about so much more than how old we are and how long we've been with our other half. And I came to the conclusion that getting engaged at my AGE is totally fine. But getting engaged if you're at my stage of life...in my opinion, that's just bizarre.
I find it hard to fathom that anyone who is at uni, loving spending day in and day out with their friends and having a laugh living on Sainsbury's Basics can be ready to get married. It doesn't matter if you're 19 or 29 (after all, the term "young" so so subjective, as it could refer to someone that is 6 or someone that is 26), marriage is much more to do with the stage you are at in your life.
I'm so happy for all the people I know who have recently got engaged. I think it's so lovely that they are getting ready to commit to spending the rest of their life with the person that they love. But I really don't see why they think it's necessary. I love my boyfriend to absolute pieces and I adore the thought of spending the rest of my life with him. Do I feel like this means I have to marry him asap? No I don't. Me and Stuart like it, but we don't need to put a ring on it. We're extremely happy together, we see eachother a lot of the time and when I'm not with him I miss him a lot. But we don't need to get engaged, because we know that if we are still together when this stage of our lives is over, then that will be an option. But for now, at the stage of life we are currently at, we are not planning our marriage. We can plan ON marrying eachother ONE DAY, but now, it's just not relevant to our lives.
Which is why I am absolutely not knocking anyone I know who has recently got, or is getting engaged, at our age. I passionately believe that each is to their own, and I will always stick by that. However that does not make it any easier for me to comprehend how someone at this (and by this, I mean the stage of life I've been referring to throughout this blog) point in life can have marriage as a feasible option.
As I said, I would never judge or knock anyone who is not likeminded to me. I am so, so interested in this as it has suddenly become very prominent in my life, so if anyone has any experiences of themselves or their friends, or even if anyone just has an opinion on this, I'd be massively enthusiastic about hearing it.
Thank you for reading, and please leave your views (:
Saturday, 16 July 2011
A really nice true story.
Here is a really nice true story from late Tuesday night and the early hours of Wednesday morning.
Well the last almost fortnight I have stayed at the Flair House (the house in Twicks that my boyfriend and four of my best friends ((David, Benji, Simon and Michael)) have for whilst at unimaversity). The first 4 days I was there Stuart was there too but then on the Friday he had to go home. And I saw him on the Saturday evening for MCR at iTunes Fest. But afterwards he had to go home and I was going back to the Flair House and we had to say goodbye to each other at Waterloo at gone midnight and neither of us wanted to say bye and it was one of the most horrible experiences of my life, I was so upset and the train journey was torturous and I just was very upset ):
And the reason I was so upset was because I had no idea when I was seeing him next, at this stage we had to leave it at “Maybe see you next week, but if not I’ll see you in about 5 weeks time” and that prospect was awful, it was the not knowing how long the goodbye was for that made the goodbye so bad.
All of the Sunday I still felt very sad, and I did on the Monday too. I felt quite shaken up from the horrible goodbye and I still didn’t know if I was seeing him before the month was out.
On Monday night Stuart texted me saying he was coming back to the Flair House on Tuesday evening, and I was so very happy, I was really ecstatic. But on Tuesday it got to the evening and I hadn’t heard from him and I was really losing hope that I would see him. I had a nice evening because Lizzie came round, but I missed Stuart very lots.
So you can imagine how happy I was when at about 10pm Stuart texted me! However because it was quite late he said that he couldn’t come to the Flair House till the following morning. I was extremely disappointed, but very happy because I knew when I was next seeing him. But a big part of me was upset because I had so looked forward to seeing him very soon, and it would be another 12 hours yet.
At about midnight, Stuart was texting me so that we could make plans for me meeting him at the station the following morning. Just as I texted him telling him that I would be there at 10.39 to meet him, I heard a noise at the door. This is what happened next:
Jocy: What was that?
Lizzie: You better go and have a look.
Michael: Maybe it’s Stuart.
Jocy: …No…
Lizzie: Go and have a look.
Stuart had planned all along since he started texting me that night that he would surprise me at the Flair House! He was already on the train on his way when he texted me telling me that he’d be there tomorrow!
So I got up and just as I walked towards the hallway, Stuart was standing right in front of me.
And then I gave him the biggest hug in the world and I was so so happy. It was one of the loveliest things someone has ever done. When I heard the front door noise for a tiny split second I thought “Ohh I so badly wish that was Stuart” but I didn’t let myself process the thought properly because I just thought I’d disappoint myself! But it was Stuart, he came to surprise me and it was so lovely.
The end, I hope you like my really nice true story (:
Well the last almost fortnight I have stayed at the Flair House (the house in Twicks that my boyfriend and four of my best friends ((David, Benji, Simon and Michael)) have for whilst at unimaversity). The first 4 days I was there Stuart was there too but then on the Friday he had to go home. And I saw him on the Saturday evening for MCR at iTunes Fest. But afterwards he had to go home and I was going back to the Flair House and we had to say goodbye to each other at Waterloo at gone midnight and neither of us wanted to say bye and it was one of the most horrible experiences of my life, I was so upset and the train journey was torturous and I just was very upset ):
And the reason I was so upset was because I had no idea when I was seeing him next, at this stage we had to leave it at “Maybe see you next week, but if not I’ll see you in about 5 weeks time” and that prospect was awful, it was the not knowing how long the goodbye was for that made the goodbye so bad.
All of the Sunday I still felt very sad, and I did on the Monday too. I felt quite shaken up from the horrible goodbye and I still didn’t know if I was seeing him before the month was out.
On Monday night Stuart texted me saying he was coming back to the Flair House on Tuesday evening, and I was so very happy, I was really ecstatic. But on Tuesday it got to the evening and I hadn’t heard from him and I was really losing hope that I would see him. I had a nice evening because Lizzie came round, but I missed Stuart very lots.
So you can imagine how happy I was when at about 10pm Stuart texted me! However because it was quite late he said that he couldn’t come to the Flair House till the following morning. I was extremely disappointed, but very happy because I knew when I was next seeing him. But a big part of me was upset because I had so looked forward to seeing him very soon, and it would be another 12 hours yet.
At about midnight, Stuart was texting me so that we could make plans for me meeting him at the station the following morning. Just as I texted him telling him that I would be there at 10.39 to meet him, I heard a noise at the door. This is what happened next:
Jocy: What was that?
Lizzie: You better go and have a look.
Michael: Maybe it’s Stuart.
Jocy: …No…
Lizzie: Go and have a look.
Stuart had planned all along since he started texting me that night that he would surprise me at the Flair House! He was already on the train on his way when he texted me telling me that he’d be there tomorrow!
So I got up and just as I walked towards the hallway, Stuart was standing right in front of me.
And then I gave him the biggest hug in the world and I was so so happy. It was one of the loveliest things someone has ever done. When I heard the front door noise for a tiny split second I thought “Ohh I so badly wish that was Stuart” but I didn’t let myself process the thought properly because I just thought I’d disappoint myself! But it was Stuart, he came to surprise me and it was so lovely.
The end, I hope you like my really nice true story (:
Friday, 8 July 2011
Oh, to have no clue!
I have given up on the idea that I will ever be a television presenter.
Realistically, I am 19 and a half years old and I have no idea what I am going to do with my life. I know a few (hopefully) determining factors:
1. I want to travel a lot in the not too distant future, and then (hopefully) quite regularly thereafter.
2. I want to be with Stuart forever.
3. I do not want to work in an office.
4. I do not want a monotonous 9-5 job.
5. I want to work with lots of different types of people.
6. I don't want so much responsibility that I can't enjoy and relax in my job, but I want enough responsibility that I am contributing, making a positive difference and earning respect from my co-workers.
7. I want to work in something that makes a noticeable difference to at least some peoples' lives.
Any ideas, chuck em at me :P
Realistically, I am 19 and a half years old and I have no idea what I am going to do with my life. I know a few (hopefully) determining factors:
1. I want to travel a lot in the not too distant future, and then (hopefully) quite regularly thereafter.
2. I want to be with Stuart forever.
3. I do not want to work in an office.
4. I do not want a monotonous 9-5 job.
5. I want to work with lots of different types of people.
6. I don't want so much responsibility that I can't enjoy and relax in my job, but I want enough responsibility that I am contributing, making a positive difference and earning respect from my co-workers.
7. I want to work in something that makes a noticeable difference to at least some peoples' lives.
Any ideas, chuck em at me :P
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
I want to tell people about this.
YouTube made me so happy for so many years; it gave me such confidence and such a sense of identity. I now feel like it's being snatched away from me, I find myself wondering if it was ever a good idea from the start.
A couple of months ago my partnership was taken away from me. I only knew because I launched the homepage one day to find a banner inviting me to apply. So obviously I thought "But I already am one", and then upon going to my Channel (banners missing) and logging on to AdSense (partnership withdrawal email) I realised that this had been taken from me.
I was never a Partner for the money. Which was lucky, because I never got any as the closed my account £10 short of the amount when they post me a cheque. No, I applied to be a partner because of the recognition and notability. I was so proud to be considered worthy, as I knew the application process could be difficult. I was so elated to get it first time and I made my family and friends proud. Not only that, I put it on my CV and university applications, and talked about it at job interviews. I never failed a single one, and I always felt that being a YouTube partner was a big contribution to that. Everyone has heard of YouTube, and I felt so, so proud.
I had wanted to be a TV presenter for years. I did work experience and extra-curricular projects to help me along, and being a Partner filled me with belief that I stood out a tiny bit from all the others who wanted the same career. I told a group of 300 like-minded students about it on a day at Channel 4's HQ in which we were finding out about the industry and work experience prospects. Everyone was so impressed and I had adults and teens alike asking me about it for the rest of the day. I was proud, and I was hopeful that one day I'd succeed at what I really wanted to do.
Things have changed now I'm not a YouTube partner. I'm sure I had the privilege taken from me for economic reasons that the company unfairly have, but I have taken it very personally. I vlogged avidly for 4 years, attended YouTube gatherings, made friends and encouraged more people to vlog. I used my Partnership to aid my future career, and to better my current prospects. What more could I have done with it? I used it in the most worthy way I could. And it was snatched from me. I no longer stand out in this way, I am just another student who wants to be on TV. My confidence feels knocked, as for the first time in my life I am doubting my future career. I was so determined and set on what I wanted, and now realism has shrouded that and I am very much aware that I need to rethink. I don't know how to make a vlog that's true to myself, because for the first time since I began my video hobby, I feel a hatred for YouTube. I feel a hatred that they've made me doubt myself, fear that I won't succeed, and removed my sense of belonging of such a lovely group. I don't know if I want to go to the Harry Potter premiere with my YouTube friends, because I don't know if I can bear to be around them knowing that the site doesn't consider me as worthy as last time I was with them all.
Harry Potter is what introduced me to the world of vlogging on YouTube, and I don't know if I can stand being around the people who saw me start off in 2007, because in all honesty I just feel ashamed.
I feel like I'm going through such a crisis. I feel like opportunities are vanishing before my eyes (such as the NextUp competition YouTube are hosting to find new talent, that is only open to Partners) and I feel like a different person.
I hate YouTube for doing this to me.
A couple of months ago my partnership was taken away from me. I only knew because I launched the homepage one day to find a banner inviting me to apply. So obviously I thought "But I already am one", and then upon going to my Channel (banners missing) and logging on to AdSense (partnership withdrawal email) I realised that this had been taken from me.
I was never a Partner for the money. Which was lucky, because I never got any as the closed my account £10 short of the amount when they post me a cheque. No, I applied to be a partner because of the recognition and notability. I was so proud to be considered worthy, as I knew the application process could be difficult. I was so elated to get it first time and I made my family and friends proud. Not only that, I put it on my CV and university applications, and talked about it at job interviews. I never failed a single one, and I always felt that being a YouTube partner was a big contribution to that. Everyone has heard of YouTube, and I felt so, so proud.
I had wanted to be a TV presenter for years. I did work experience and extra-curricular projects to help me along, and being a Partner filled me with belief that I stood out a tiny bit from all the others who wanted the same career. I told a group of 300 like-minded students about it on a day at Channel 4's HQ in which we were finding out about the industry and work experience prospects. Everyone was so impressed and I had adults and teens alike asking me about it for the rest of the day. I was proud, and I was hopeful that one day I'd succeed at what I really wanted to do.
Things have changed now I'm not a YouTube partner. I'm sure I had the privilege taken from me for economic reasons that the company unfairly have, but I have taken it very personally. I vlogged avidly for 4 years, attended YouTube gatherings, made friends and encouraged more people to vlog. I used my Partnership to aid my future career, and to better my current prospects. What more could I have done with it? I used it in the most worthy way I could. And it was snatched from me. I no longer stand out in this way, I am just another student who wants to be on TV. My confidence feels knocked, as for the first time in my life I am doubting my future career. I was so determined and set on what I wanted, and now realism has shrouded that and I am very much aware that I need to rethink. I don't know how to make a vlog that's true to myself, because for the first time since I began my video hobby, I feel a hatred for YouTube. I feel a hatred that they've made me doubt myself, fear that I won't succeed, and removed my sense of belonging of such a lovely group. I don't know if I want to go to the Harry Potter premiere with my YouTube friends, because I don't know if I can bear to be around them knowing that the site doesn't consider me as worthy as last time I was with them all.
Harry Potter is what introduced me to the world of vlogging on YouTube, and I don't know if I can stand being around the people who saw me start off in 2007, because in all honesty I just feel ashamed.
I feel like I'm going through such a crisis. I feel like opportunities are vanishing before my eyes (such as the NextUp competition YouTube are hosting to find new talent, that is only open to Partners) and I feel like a different person.
I hate YouTube for doing this to me.
Monday, 6 June 2011
All in all, a great week :D
I've had even more nice days, meaning that I've had an entirely successful week!
On Friday I went to Twickenham and signed the contract for my flat, and got to properly chat with and get to know my landlord. He's really nice and laid back and funny. I saw my grandparents for an hour or so in the evening and then went on to do 6 hours of babysitting which earned me £40 which was very useful for Saturday's pursuits.
On Saturday I went and got my hair done It was a mahoosive dye job and took 5 and a half hours. It's not really how I wanted/expected it but I don't hate it really and I've always been of the opinion that "hair is just hair" so I'm not going to whine. I do really appreciate the effort the salon went to, they had to phone around academies and stuff to find out how to do what I wanted. Admittedly, it didn't work nevertheless, but the effort was there. I may be £128 down but I got a cut and colour. Even if I am now an unexpected blonde.
Today I went to Lakeside with my parents to get some last bits for my holiday and when I came back I napped on the sofa for an hour and then one of my oldest friends, Manda, came over for dinner and a catchup. We've been friends since she was 11 and I was 12, so that's 7 years. We've stayed close the whole time and it was so lovely to chat about our respective lives; her last year of school and my first year of uni.
I spent all afternoon and evening (whilst chatting) packing and getting ready for tomorrow (which is technically today now!!!) when I am off to Stuart's house for a few days before we head to Spain!
I'm so unbelievably excited to see him, it will have been 8 days which doesn't sound like anything, but when you spend 24/7 with someone for 3 months then 8 days without them seems ages!! So excited!!!!
On Friday I went to Twickenham and signed the contract for my flat, and got to properly chat with and get to know my landlord. He's really nice and laid back and funny. I saw my grandparents for an hour or so in the evening and then went on to do 6 hours of babysitting which earned me £40 which was very useful for Saturday's pursuits.
On Saturday I went and got my hair done It was a mahoosive dye job and took 5 and a half hours. It's not really how I wanted/expected it but I don't hate it really and I've always been of the opinion that "hair is just hair" so I'm not going to whine. I do really appreciate the effort the salon went to, they had to phone around academies and stuff to find out how to do what I wanted. Admittedly, it didn't work nevertheless, but the effort was there. I may be £128 down but I got a cut and colour. Even if I am now an unexpected blonde.
Today I went to Lakeside with my parents to get some last bits for my holiday and when I came back I napped on the sofa for an hour and then one of my oldest friends, Manda, came over for dinner and a catchup. We've been friends since she was 11 and I was 12, so that's 7 years. We've stayed close the whole time and it was so lovely to chat about our respective lives; her last year of school and my first year of uni.
I spent all afternoon and evening (whilst chatting) packing and getting ready for tomorrow (which is technically today now!!!) when I am off to Stuart's house for a few days before we head to Spain!
I'm so unbelievably excited to see him, it will have been 8 days which doesn't sound like anything, but when you spend 24/7 with someone for 3 months then 8 days without them seems ages!! So excited!!!!
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Another busy day today, and one tomorrow too!
I had another nice day today.
One of my best friends from school, Aimee, turned up as a kind of surprise, like she phoned me and said "Jocy, I'm down your road and I just ran over a pigeon" and I said "Oh dear, I better get dressed then!" and we sat and chatted for a few hours. Same as with Joe, we needed a proper catchup because obviously we don't see eachother huge amounts any more and had lots of things to talk about. It was lovely hearing all her updates and having a gossip about people we both know from school and me getting to tell her all about what's been going on in my life.
This evening I tried to sort out my sham of a bedroom (no furniture, remember) by hanging some of my clothes up on the clothes rail my parents bought for me. I also started packing for holiday. People are coming to measure up and give a quote for the laminate floor I'm getting put in, which is a nice pale grey wood colour and effect. Hopefully it will look really nice with the pale, pale bluey-green with Tardis blue accents that me and Stu painted the room in. I'm hoping to get dark, charcoal grey furniture so I think it will look awesome and modern.
Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to Twickenham to give the deposit, first month's rent and to sign the contract for my flat, which is extremely exciting! Also it's lovely that I get to see Lizzie again so soon, as originally I thought I wouldn't see her for the first few weeks at least of summer. Tomorrow evening I am seeing my grandparents for a bit and then I'm off to do 5 hours of babysitting. It will be great from two points of view. Firstly it will be fun because it's two of the little boys my mum childminds and they're cute and when they saw me this morning (for the first time in weeks) they greeted me with "HELLO JOCELYN!" (the three year old) and "HELLO DOSSLELYN!" (the one year old), and obviously from a financial point of view it's perfect.
Anyway, I'm going to maybe watch something in iPlayer and then head to bed.
xxx
One of my best friends from school, Aimee, turned up as a kind of surprise, like she phoned me and said "Jocy, I'm down your road and I just ran over a pigeon" and I said "Oh dear, I better get dressed then!" and we sat and chatted for a few hours. Same as with Joe, we needed a proper catchup because obviously we don't see eachother huge amounts any more and had lots of things to talk about. It was lovely hearing all her updates and having a gossip about people we both know from school and me getting to tell her all about what's been going on in my life.
This evening I tried to sort out my sham of a bedroom (no furniture, remember) by hanging some of my clothes up on the clothes rail my parents bought for me. I also started packing for holiday. People are coming to measure up and give a quote for the laminate floor I'm getting put in, which is a nice pale grey wood colour and effect. Hopefully it will look really nice with the pale, pale bluey-green with Tardis blue accents that me and Stu painted the room in. I'm hoping to get dark, charcoal grey furniture so I think it will look awesome and modern.
Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to Twickenham to give the deposit, first month's rent and to sign the contract for my flat, which is extremely exciting! Also it's lovely that I get to see Lizzie again so soon, as originally I thought I wouldn't see her for the first few weeks at least of summer. Tomorrow evening I am seeing my grandparents for a bit and then I'm off to do 5 hours of babysitting. It will be great from two points of view. Firstly it will be fun because it's two of the little boys my mum childminds and they're cute and when they saw me this morning (for the first time in weeks) they greeted me with "HELLO JOCELYN!" (the three year old) and "HELLO DOSSLELYN!" (the one year old), and obviously from a financial point of view it's perfect.
Anyway, I'm going to maybe watch something in iPlayer and then head to bed.
xxx
I want to write a blog but my eyes are burning from tiredness. Ho hum, needs must.
I'm having a nice time being home from university for the summer. As long as I don't let myself think about the fact my lovely little room on the first floor of De Marillac is now empty, I'm fine. I got home on Sunday. On Monday I had to go back to Twickenham to go to two house viewings with Lizzie, who I am living with. We also met up with one of our best friends, Sam. It was a wonderful day. It was a wonderful day because we got a place, a lovely flat a 20 minute walk from uni. It's in a quiet cul-de-sac, has 3 double bedrooms along with a spacious kitchen, open plan living room - dining area and a bathroom with a shower. It's very perfect indeed. To make it even more amazing, it's just off of the road that the boys (4 of my best friends plus my boyfriend) are living down. 15 minute walk in a straight line. Even I can manage that! It's ideal and I'm ecstatic. It was also a wonderful day because us three girls got to have a proper chitchat for hours and hours, we stayed in Cafe Nero till closing time and moved onto Spoons for a pitcher of Pimms. It was lovely and girly, which I hadn't had in a while so it was perfect.
On Tuesday my mum had the day off work so her and I went shopping together. I got a last few bits for my holiday with my friends to Spain next week (sandals, bag, hairbands, from Primark, can't go wrong) so that was productive. We also did a healthy food shop, because as much as I'm not so much trying to lose weight for holiday, I want to have a better digestive system, clear skin (although to be honest I have never had an issue with my skin) and just feel better about myself for the summer. Then that evening we cooked dinner together, which was nice.
Today (Wednesday) was also great. My best friend ever from my mid-secondary school days, Joe, came over. We sat and chatted for 5 hours. We used to see each other every week before I went to uni, and obviously since it's been more of a struggle to communicate all the time like we used to. But we both know that our friendship doesn't depend on that, and that we can pick up where we left off whenever we like. Additionally, nothing will ever change in that when it comes to some things, we're the only person the other will discuss them with. So it was brilliant to see him for a huge catchup today, we had a lot of talking to do. Also today I went to the hairdressers for a consultation. I'm very excited about my appointment on Saturday because I'm getting a style that I've been eyeing up for ages. It's called ombre and is the effect when your hair is dark at the top and gradually fades as you travel to the tips, where it is the lightest. I hope that it will be perfect for the summer.
However I am starting to really miss Stuart (the boyf) who I haven't seen since we left uni on Sunday, as he is away with his family this week. But on Monday I'm going to stay at his for a few days, and then at about 3am on Thursday morning we are heading to Gatwick, meeting Ben, Becky, Jordan and David and jetting off to Spain for the week! I'm so excited, I absolutely can't wait. I can't wait to see Stu and spend some time with him and his family, and I can't wait for my first holiday with just friends and no adults!
Oh and another thing I forgot to mention, I have a job lined up. It is the perfect kind of job for me because as opposed to being full or part time, it is one-off days throughout the summer. This is ideal because it means I'm not tied down to contracted hours and can therefore see lots of my friends and also hopefully get some more work experience in the media industry packed in somewhere. Anyway, the job is invigilating in a test centre and I get training and it's all expenses paid, so there are lots of bonuses. Only downfall is the early starts, but they have said once I get to a certain level in the training I will be allowed to have more sociable hours.
Anyway, the contract for my flat starts on June 8th, which is next week. I'll hopefully visit the flat as soon as I'm back from holiday, and spend time there with various friends and family throughout the summer. I'm doing lots more before June is out, but I'm getting more and more tired so that can be for another blog!
Hope everyone is well, and that those with exams have lots of luck!
Jocy x
On Tuesday my mum had the day off work so her and I went shopping together. I got a last few bits for my holiday with my friends to Spain next week (sandals, bag, hairbands, from Primark, can't go wrong) so that was productive. We also did a healthy food shop, because as much as I'm not so much trying to lose weight for holiday, I want to have a better digestive system, clear skin (although to be honest I have never had an issue with my skin) and just feel better about myself for the summer. Then that evening we cooked dinner together, which was nice.
Today (Wednesday) was also great. My best friend ever from my mid-secondary school days, Joe, came over. We sat and chatted for 5 hours. We used to see each other every week before I went to uni, and obviously since it's been more of a struggle to communicate all the time like we used to. But we both know that our friendship doesn't depend on that, and that we can pick up where we left off whenever we like. Additionally, nothing will ever change in that when it comes to some things, we're the only person the other will discuss them with. So it was brilliant to see him for a huge catchup today, we had a lot of talking to do. Also today I went to the hairdressers for a consultation. I'm very excited about my appointment on Saturday because I'm getting a style that I've been eyeing up for ages. It's called ombre and is the effect when your hair is dark at the top and gradually fades as you travel to the tips, where it is the lightest. I hope that it will be perfect for the summer.
However I am starting to really miss Stuart (the boyf) who I haven't seen since we left uni on Sunday, as he is away with his family this week. But on Monday I'm going to stay at his for a few days, and then at about 3am on Thursday morning we are heading to Gatwick, meeting Ben, Becky, Jordan and David and jetting off to Spain for the week! I'm so excited, I absolutely can't wait. I can't wait to see Stu and spend some time with him and his family, and I can't wait for my first holiday with just friends and no adults!
Oh and another thing I forgot to mention, I have a job lined up. It is the perfect kind of job for me because as opposed to being full or part time, it is one-off days throughout the summer. This is ideal because it means I'm not tied down to contracted hours and can therefore see lots of my friends and also hopefully get some more work experience in the media industry packed in somewhere. Anyway, the job is invigilating in a test centre and I get training and it's all expenses paid, so there are lots of bonuses. Only downfall is the early starts, but they have said once I get to a certain level in the training I will be allowed to have more sociable hours.
Anyway, the contract for my flat starts on June 8th, which is next week. I'll hopefully visit the flat as soon as I'm back from holiday, and spend time there with various friends and family throughout the summer. I'm doing lots more before June is out, but I'm getting more and more tired so that can be for another blog!
Hope everyone is well, and that those with exams have lots of luck!
Jocy x
Monday, 30 May 2011
I did it.
I'm back in Essex for the summer, which means I have 100% officially finished my first year of university. Did I ever really believe that I'd get to this point in 2011? Hell no I didn't, I totally thought I was going to bail out of UCAS and do a gap year. But against all of the odds, I did it :D
I feel absolutely stunningly clearheaded, which is totally surprising for me. I have been really teary about the whole thing, every time one of my friends left Halls I have been a wreck. But last night and this morning when I had to clear my own room out I felt really fine. I think the closure was a lot to do with the fact that I wrote a letter to the next person who gets my room, giving some advice and telling them to look after 141 for me. I feel like the business of living there is finished and that I can move on from that stage of my life.
Living there was the best 8 months of my life. Reading back from my blog from my first week there and being excited about living there for 8 months gives me goosebumps, because I've experienced such a transition. I've come into my own at university, I feel more independent, confident and so much more comfortable in my own skin. The time has been spent with the most incredible people I've ever met, and I've developed the most unreal friendships. On top of that I met my boyfriend (under unbelievable circumstances - we didn't talk at all during the first semester despite the fact we spent so much time around the same people, as we didn't know we had anything in common. Lo and behold, we've been together over three months now!) and I've just had the absolute time of my life. I moved into 141 without a friendship group, with less confidence that I made out I had and with a cynical outlook on most things. I left room 141 after spending 8 months with the best friends ever, feeling good about myself and with my boyfriend next to me. I think that's why I felt so much better about leaving than I thought I would.
So now I'm back home. I have no money, no bedroom furniture and no university. I could be feeling skint, disorganised and lonely. But instead I feel skint, disorganised and liberated. Everything I achieved this year I never thought I would, and I wouldn't change any of it for anything. It was the most mindblowingly perfect 8 months, more so than I could have have dared to dream it would be!
Today is the start of the rest, not the end of what was.
I feel absolutely stunningly clearheaded, which is totally surprising for me. I have been really teary about the whole thing, every time one of my friends left Halls I have been a wreck. But last night and this morning when I had to clear my own room out I felt really fine. I think the closure was a lot to do with the fact that I wrote a letter to the next person who gets my room, giving some advice and telling them to look after 141 for me. I feel like the business of living there is finished and that I can move on from that stage of my life.
Living there was the best 8 months of my life. Reading back from my blog from my first week there and being excited about living there for 8 months gives me goosebumps, because I've experienced such a transition. I've come into my own at university, I feel more independent, confident and so much more comfortable in my own skin. The time has been spent with the most incredible people I've ever met, and I've developed the most unreal friendships. On top of that I met my boyfriend (under unbelievable circumstances - we didn't talk at all during the first semester despite the fact we spent so much time around the same people, as we didn't know we had anything in common. Lo and behold, we've been together over three months now!) and I've just had the absolute time of my life. I moved into 141 without a friendship group, with less confidence that I made out I had and with a cynical outlook on most things. I left room 141 after spending 8 months with the best friends ever, feeling good about myself and with my boyfriend next to me. I think that's why I felt so much better about leaving than I thought I would.
So now I'm back home. I have no money, no bedroom furniture and no university. I could be feeling skint, disorganised and lonely. But instead I feel skint, disorganised and liberated. Everything I achieved this year I never thought I would, and I wouldn't change any of it for anything. It was the most mindblowingly perfect 8 months, more so than I could have have dared to dream it would be!
Today is the start of the rest, not the end of what was.
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Michael just left Halls.
When you apply for Halls of Residence at my university, you are allocated your room on an entirely random basis. Some unis do it by getting applicants to fill in a sheet which basically describes their personality and interests, and they room people based on that, so compatible people are near eachother. Some unis do it based on the subject the student is studying, so that people near eachother have that in common. But at my university, it is done entirely randomly.
MEMORY ONE.
It was the end of the summer holidays, September 6th 2010. A few days previously me and Estelle (close friend from back home who is at university with me) had found out that we had been allocated Halls, even though we had thought we would have to live out. I went round to her house and we spent the whole afternoon on the Facebook group set up for people moving into my Halls so we could meet eachother beforehand. Everyone posted on the wall of the group with their room number, so that you could see who you were living near to. I found "Room 140" posted on the wall by someone called Michael and was so excited because I had been given room 141. I had a look on his Facebook and saw that he loved books, Doctor Who, acting, theatre, Shakespeare, writing, The Killers...all the same things as me. I was immediately excited because I couldn't believe someone who I had so much in common with was going to be living so near to me, completely by chance! I was so happy. We talked on Facebook quite a lot in the 13 days before we moved in, and decided that as soon as we both arrived we would go and say hello.
MEMORY TWO.
September 19th. I had moved into Halls. The first thing I did once my mum and dad had said goodbye and left was so go and knock on Michael's door (which was actually opposite me as opposed to next door as we originally thought it would be). He opened the door. We stared at eachother in silence for about 2 seconds, and then both simultaneously started jumping up and down and screaming at eachother, we were just so excited!
LOTS MORE MEMORIES.
Over the 8 months that we lived as opposite next door neighbours I have so many memories. Passing notes under eachother's doors in the early hours of the morning, watching Doctor Who together, having a day in London in which we went to see Michael Gambon in a play and spent hours and hours in the National Portrait Gallery and Waterstones, coming back from a walk around Halls to find hilarious photos of Michael set as my desktop background, seeing him in Sweeney Todd and being so so proud and so, so many hilarious trips to the ref.
ANOTHER MEMORY.
The one worst day in Halls that I can think of is the day that Michael broke the news to me that he wasn't coming back in second year. He said that he wasn't enjoying his course and was going to go to a different university somewhere else. I was absolutely devastated and cried for two hours. All I could think was that I wasn't ready for anything to change yet; it was all so perfect. I didn't exactly love the idea of us not living in Halls next year even if we were still in the same town, and the thought of Michael in a different part of the country was absolutely awful. I was so devastated, but it was an idea that I had to get used to.
ANOTHER MEMORY.
About two months after hearing the news that Michael was leaving at the end of the year for good, I got another piece of news. He had changed his mind and was staying after all! I was absolutely elated.
ONE MORE MEMORY.
Today, May 22nd 2011, Michael went home. Only for the summer thank goodness, but he's gone back to his home town. He cleared out his room in Halls, and I went with him to give his key back. We had a last hug and a last laugh in Halls, and he's gone. No longer my opposite next door neighbour. I know I'll see him nearly every day next year, and I am seeing him next month even, but that's not what I'm upset about. I'm in mourning for the times we had over the past 8 months. He was the first person I spoke to when I got to university. I've had the best time of my whole life living in Halls, it's been everything I wouldn't have even dared to dream it would be plus more. And I've met the absolute best people that I could ever have met. Michael leaving has really signified the end of all this for me. I'm here for another week, but it'll be so different without him living a meter from me!
I am so excited about the rest of my life, because I know the people who are in it now are the people who will be in it forever. And I know that this past year is only the beginning.
MEMORY ONE.
It was the end of the summer holidays, September 6th 2010. A few days previously me and Estelle (close friend from back home who is at university with me) had found out that we had been allocated Halls, even though we had thought we would have to live out. I went round to her house and we spent the whole afternoon on the Facebook group set up for people moving into my Halls so we could meet eachother beforehand. Everyone posted on the wall of the group with their room number, so that you could see who you were living near to. I found "Room 140" posted on the wall by someone called Michael and was so excited because I had been given room 141. I had a look on his Facebook and saw that he loved books, Doctor Who, acting, theatre, Shakespeare, writing, The Killers...all the same things as me. I was immediately excited because I couldn't believe someone who I had so much in common with was going to be living so near to me, completely by chance! I was so happy. We talked on Facebook quite a lot in the 13 days before we moved in, and decided that as soon as we both arrived we would go and say hello.
MEMORY TWO.
September 19th. I had moved into Halls. The first thing I did once my mum and dad had said goodbye and left was so go and knock on Michael's door (which was actually opposite me as opposed to next door as we originally thought it would be). He opened the door. We stared at eachother in silence for about 2 seconds, and then both simultaneously started jumping up and down and screaming at eachother, we were just so excited!
LOTS MORE MEMORIES.
Over the 8 months that we lived as opposite next door neighbours I have so many memories. Passing notes under eachother's doors in the early hours of the morning, watching Doctor Who together, having a day in London in which we went to see Michael Gambon in a play and spent hours and hours in the National Portrait Gallery and Waterstones, coming back from a walk around Halls to find hilarious photos of Michael set as my desktop background, seeing him in Sweeney Todd and being so so proud and so, so many hilarious trips to the ref.
ANOTHER MEMORY.
The one worst day in Halls that I can think of is the day that Michael broke the news to me that he wasn't coming back in second year. He said that he wasn't enjoying his course and was going to go to a different university somewhere else. I was absolutely devastated and cried for two hours. All I could think was that I wasn't ready for anything to change yet; it was all so perfect. I didn't exactly love the idea of us not living in Halls next year even if we were still in the same town, and the thought of Michael in a different part of the country was absolutely awful. I was so devastated, but it was an idea that I had to get used to.
ANOTHER MEMORY.
About two months after hearing the news that Michael was leaving at the end of the year for good, I got another piece of news. He had changed his mind and was staying after all! I was absolutely elated.
ONE MORE MEMORY.
Today, May 22nd 2011, Michael went home. Only for the summer thank goodness, but he's gone back to his home town. He cleared out his room in Halls, and I went with him to give his key back. We had a last hug and a last laugh in Halls, and he's gone. No longer my opposite next door neighbour. I know I'll see him nearly every day next year, and I am seeing him next month even, but that's not what I'm upset about. I'm in mourning for the times we had over the past 8 months. He was the first person I spoke to when I got to university. I've had the best time of my whole life living in Halls, it's been everything I wouldn't have even dared to dream it would be plus more. And I've met the absolute best people that I could ever have met. Michael leaving has really signified the end of all this for me. I'm here for another week, but it'll be so different without him living a meter from me!
I am so excited about the rest of my life, because I know the people who are in it now are the people who will be in it forever. And I know that this past year is only the beginning.
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
I haven't blogged in ages. Sometimes stuff happens in life and you find your previous commitments wavering due to new ones, and this is what has happened to me. I am not going into the big long disgustingly adorable, soppy, film-esque story, but the short and short of it is that I have a boyfriend now (yay for unintentional Boys Like Girls song references) and most of my time has been spent with him. (:
The strange thing about the past 8 weeks and 3 days (not that I'm counting xD) is that I've had little time to think. Obviously I've been thinking, but usually I analyse and ponder over every aspect of my life. I used to take time to do this because I had time to do this. And also, there were gaps in my life for me to fill with daydreams and way too good to be true hypothetical situations that I never truly believed happened to anyone, much less to myself.
More on that later.
My boyfriend (Stuart) goes to the same uni as me. He lives in the and Halls, down the same corridor. We spend pretty much 24/7 together. Because we can, and we want to and it's perfect that way. There's litle or no time for the independent, deep thought processes I used to have most days, because my mind is otherwise engaged. For the most part, I don't miss it at all, because I have no reason to. But as of last Friday, me and Stu are with our respective families and had to say goodbye for the next 9 days. Having so much of my own company for the first time in over 8 weeks is extremely strange, and has made me realise things.
Firstly, I don't like my own company very much. I like it when I'm working on a personal project, such as photo editing or vlogging, but in large doses I get very lonely. I need near-constant interaction.
Secondly, I work better with people around me. I am much happier sitting down and doing 5 hours of Photoshop coursework if I have 3 people sitting on my bed behind me having a chat. I need to know I've got friends around me, or I don't feel the same level of academic motivation. I think this is because I work better if people are impressed with the work I'm doing; their praise and compliments are incentive to push myself harder.
Thirdly, the past 8 weeks and 3 days hadn't sunk in at all. I knew this at the time to be fair, and kept telling Stu so. But only know that I've got the time to truly process how much my life has changed can I really digest it. I knew I was grateful, and mindblown and I knew how lucky I felt. But now I can really see what's happened, and I think I'm starting to honestly believe it's real.
I didn't believe it to be real at first. I convinced myself on several occasions I'd made the whole scenario up in my head. Purely because it just seems too good to be real. It's all so, so perfect. This isn't gonna be a mahoosive cheesy blog, I just want to iterate how unfathomable some things in life can be.
I think we all underestimate everything. We complain about people, and think the worst of them. We're pessimistic and cynical and we tell ourselves that it will work out for everyone but not for yourself. And we blame ourselves, or other people, because we feel like we have to blame someone.
But what I've learnt whilst having this time to myself to think is that sometimes you have to stop, breathe, absorb everything you've got and really take the time to let it sink in. We have to go out of our way to appreciate and be grateful for everything and everyone in our lives, because otherwise we'll never truly and clearly see just how lucky we are.
The strange thing about the past 8 weeks and 3 days (not that I'm counting xD) is that I've had little time to think. Obviously I've been thinking, but usually I analyse and ponder over every aspect of my life. I used to take time to do this because I had time to do this. And also, there were gaps in my life for me to fill with daydreams and way too good to be true hypothetical situations that I never truly believed happened to anyone, much less to myself.
More on that later.
My boyfriend (Stuart) goes to the same uni as me. He lives in the and Halls, down the same corridor. We spend pretty much 24/7 together. Because we can, and we want to and it's perfect that way. There's litle or no time for the independent, deep thought processes I used to have most days, because my mind is otherwise engaged. For the most part, I don't miss it at all, because I have no reason to. But as of last Friday, me and Stu are with our respective families and had to say goodbye for the next 9 days. Having so much of my own company for the first time in over 8 weeks is extremely strange, and has made me realise things.
Firstly, I don't like my own company very much. I like it when I'm working on a personal project, such as photo editing or vlogging, but in large doses I get very lonely. I need near-constant interaction.
Secondly, I work better with people around me. I am much happier sitting down and doing 5 hours of Photoshop coursework if I have 3 people sitting on my bed behind me having a chat. I need to know I've got friends around me, or I don't feel the same level of academic motivation. I think this is because I work better if people are impressed with the work I'm doing; their praise and compliments are incentive to push myself harder.
Thirdly, the past 8 weeks and 3 days hadn't sunk in at all. I knew this at the time to be fair, and kept telling Stu so. But only know that I've got the time to truly process how much my life has changed can I really digest it. I knew I was grateful, and mindblown and I knew how lucky I felt. But now I can really see what's happened, and I think I'm starting to honestly believe it's real.
I didn't believe it to be real at first. I convinced myself on several occasions I'd made the whole scenario up in my head. Purely because it just seems too good to be real. It's all so, so perfect. This isn't gonna be a mahoosive cheesy blog, I just want to iterate how unfathomable some things in life can be.
I think we all underestimate everything. We complain about people, and think the worst of them. We're pessimistic and cynical and we tell ourselves that it will work out for everyone but not for yourself. And we blame ourselves, or other people, because we feel like we have to blame someone.
But what I've learnt whilst having this time to myself to think is that sometimes you have to stop, breathe, absorb everything you've got and really take the time to let it sink in. We have to go out of our way to appreciate and be grateful for everything and everyone in our lives, because otherwise we'll never truly and clearly see just how lucky we are.
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
HELLO LIFE. YOU ARE MINE.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
I know it's 26 (and 27 in one minute) days into January, but this is my first bloggy type blog. I've been mega busy! This means two things. The first thing it means is that I have been going out WAY TOO MUCH. And by TOO MUCH I mean THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH, BUT DEFINITELY A LOT. The second thing it means is that I have been VERY VERY productive :D And for this reason I am proud.
But right, here's something I want to talk about.
Ages and ages ago I applied for work experience at ITV. And by AGES ago I mean like nine months ago. And then SUDDENLY the other week I heard back from them and they were all "Oh, so why do you want work experience with us?" I was well surprised because not gonna lie, I'd pretty much forgotten I ever applied. So I emailed back telling them. I explained that I've done quite a fair bit of work experience already (relating to the stuff I did at Shed Media, a production company for all the main channels) and that I'm striving to do more etc etc because I eventually want to be a TV presenter and know that it's vitally important I understand the entire industry and not just onscreen etc etc and that I have passions outside of presenting and want to learn more about those/show off what I can do to ITV. Which I thought was quite good >.< But then I got an email back yesterday and they said that as they can't offer me any onscreen experience, I haven't got through to the next stage.
This REALLY narks me off.
I'm being REALISTIC about the career I want. And aside from that, I'm GENUINELY interested in so much more than JUST presenting. Why else would I put so much time and effort and love into the other things I do?! I told them this in my application. I would be more than happy if they gave me constructive (or at least valid) criticism for my application. But I really don't feel that the reason they gave me for being unsuccessful was acceptable.
BUT! I am not going to dwell on that, because I have been successful elsewhere in my never-ending quest for fuelling my obsession with the Media :D
As I'm sure everyone who's been reading my blog (or watching my vlogs or who knows me at all) knows, I am an aspiring TV presenter. But I'm not one of those girls who is like OMG I WELL WANNA BE ON TV and then just sits around hoping someone will approach her and say "Oh hey, wanna be on TV?" I'm (to quote my mummy) a GO GETTER. And I don't just mean I GO and GET food from the cupboard (not all the time at least). I mean that I feel like I want to chase my goals and interests, because they're not going to chase to me.
As much as the long term aim is TV presenter, I have many hobbies that I invest a lot of time into. The first is this, blogging. I've been blogging for YEARS. Four years on this blog and I think 3 years on an MSN Space that is now lost in the realms of the internet. I've always been interested in journalism, and this is the way I touch upon that. This semester in my Media course I'm doing a module called Intro into Journalism, because if I'm entirely honest, I know journalism is a career I would like to have at least for a while one day. And my journalism tutor (who I have only met once because our first lecture was last week and who is called Wayne) told me that my blog is not a piece of journalism unless it has an AUDIENCE. Which is a very good point. And I don't have a big audience so it's not journalism, but I know that blogging CAN be journalism so I really wanted to channel that into something more productive. So I put on my GO GETTING hat and I found a very cool company that gives work experience to young creative writey type people and I emailed them and they were like OH HI (plus some other words) and I've been asked to blog for a website! The website is actually so cool and so relevant to me, it's for young people who live in London. Of which I am one of! So I really think (hope, ohgod I so hope) I will be able to write something that they'll want to publish. And the best thing is that it's bloggy! Which is perfect for me, because I love writing blogs so much. So I'm very, very happy! And I'm also proud of myself, because it's 27 days into the first month of 2011 and I'm already being productive outside of my academic shizzle at university!
The SECOND awesome thing about this blogging that I'm doing for this website is that I get to take PHOTOS. I'm not even joking, I get to do PHOTOJOURNALISM. I'm somewhat OBSESSED with photography. I'm never without a camera. Ever. I'm never without at least 16gb of memory in said camera (and then a spare memory card usually too XD) Or cameras, I should say, as I own several. Point and shoot. DSLR. Camcorder. I'm obsessed. I want documentation of my life. I think that's why I'm so into vlogging, blogging, photography, filming and Tweeting. It all is a form of documentation and memory-making. I also love sharing experiences. I want to show and tell.
Which is why this blogging experience for the website is so perfect for me. I'm SO excited to get started. Feeling on top of the world if I'm honest. Proud of myself, optimistic, and still enthusiastic about how everything is panning out (:
So that's that. It's not even February yet and I'm off and away, full steam ahead. Determined as ever, and making the most of living (at last!) in one of the most famous, gorgeous, influential, inspirational and exciting cities in the world.
I know it's 26 (and 27 in one minute) days into January, but this is my first bloggy type blog. I've been mega busy! This means two things. The first thing it means is that I have been going out WAY TOO MUCH. And by TOO MUCH I mean THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH, BUT DEFINITELY A LOT. The second thing it means is that I have been VERY VERY productive :D And for this reason I am proud.
But right, here's something I want to talk about.
Ages and ages ago I applied for work experience at ITV. And by AGES ago I mean like nine months ago. And then SUDDENLY the other week I heard back from them and they were all "Oh, so why do you want work experience with us?" I was well surprised because not gonna lie, I'd pretty much forgotten I ever applied. So I emailed back telling them. I explained that I've done quite a fair bit of work experience already (relating to the stuff I did at Shed Media, a production company for all the main channels) and that I'm striving to do more etc etc because I eventually want to be a TV presenter and know that it's vitally important I understand the entire industry and not just onscreen etc etc and that I have passions outside of presenting and want to learn more about those/show off what I can do to ITV. Which I thought was quite good >.< But then I got an email back yesterday and they said that as they can't offer me any onscreen experience, I haven't got through to the next stage.
This REALLY narks me off.
I'm being REALISTIC about the career I want. And aside from that, I'm GENUINELY interested in so much more than JUST presenting. Why else would I put so much time and effort and love into the other things I do?! I told them this in my application. I would be more than happy if they gave me constructive (or at least valid) criticism for my application. But I really don't feel that the reason they gave me for being unsuccessful was acceptable.
BUT! I am not going to dwell on that, because I have been successful elsewhere in my never-ending quest for fuelling my obsession with the Media :D
As I'm sure everyone who's been reading my blog (or watching my vlogs or who knows me at all) knows, I am an aspiring TV presenter. But I'm not one of those girls who is like OMG I WELL WANNA BE ON TV and then just sits around hoping someone will approach her and say "Oh hey, wanna be on TV?" I'm (to quote my mummy) a GO GETTER. And I don't just mean I GO and GET food from the cupboard (not all the time at least). I mean that I feel like I want to chase my goals and interests, because they're not going to chase to me.
As much as the long term aim is TV presenter, I have many hobbies that I invest a lot of time into. The first is this, blogging. I've been blogging for YEARS. Four years on this blog and I think 3 years on an MSN Space that is now lost in the realms of the internet. I've always been interested in journalism, and this is the way I touch upon that. This semester in my Media course I'm doing a module called Intro into Journalism, because if I'm entirely honest, I know journalism is a career I would like to have at least for a while one day. And my journalism tutor (who I have only met once because our first lecture was last week and who is called Wayne) told me that my blog is not a piece of journalism unless it has an AUDIENCE. Which is a very good point. And I don't have a big audience so it's not journalism, but I know that blogging CAN be journalism so I really wanted to channel that into something more productive. So I put on my GO GETTING hat and I found a very cool company that gives work experience to young creative writey type people and I emailed them and they were like OH HI (plus some other words) and I've been asked to blog for a website! The website is actually so cool and so relevant to me, it's for young people who live in London. Of which I am one of! So I really think (hope, ohgod I so hope) I will be able to write something that they'll want to publish. And the best thing is that it's bloggy! Which is perfect for me, because I love writing blogs so much. So I'm very, very happy! And I'm also proud of myself, because it's 27 days into the first month of 2011 and I'm already being productive outside of my academic shizzle at university!
The SECOND awesome thing about this blogging that I'm doing for this website is that I get to take PHOTOS. I'm not even joking, I get to do PHOTOJOURNALISM. I'm somewhat OBSESSED with photography. I'm never without a camera. Ever. I'm never without at least 16gb of memory in said camera (and then a spare memory card usually too XD) Or cameras, I should say, as I own several. Point and shoot. DSLR. Camcorder. I'm obsessed. I want documentation of my life. I think that's why I'm so into vlogging, blogging, photography, filming and Tweeting. It all is a form of documentation and memory-making. I also love sharing experiences. I want to show and tell.
Which is why this blogging experience for the website is so perfect for me. I'm SO excited to get started. Feeling on top of the world if I'm honest. Proud of myself, optimistic, and still enthusiastic about how everything is panning out (:
So that's that. It's not even February yet and I'm off and away, full steam ahead. Determined as ever, and making the most of living (at last!) in one of the most famous, gorgeous, influential, inspirational and exciting cities in the world.
Monday, 24 January 2011
Some photos
I took these photos in London on Wednesday January 17th with my Nikon D5000. These are some of my favourites that have been edited using picnik.com. Click to view full size.
Piccadilly Circus
Trafalgar Square
Newspapers
Duck in Chinatown
Piccadilly Circus
Trafalgar Square
Newspapers
Duck in Chinatown
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