Not gonna lie, things suck at the moment.
Had my last exam today which was A2 English Unit 6. I've been accelerated in English since I was year 2 (about 7 years old) and as a result of this, English is where everyone's major expectations in me lie. So basically, for weeks now I've had my friends and family going on and on about how "You're so going to get an A, if you're worried imagine how worried we are!" and it's like STOP IT! As if I don't pressurise myself enough I don't need it from everyone else too. It's all very flattering having people believing that I'm so able, but if I DON'T get that A I am going to look like a total IDIOT.
We had this fake awards ceremony at the end of year 11 and I got voted "Most likely to go to Oxford or Cambridge". Then at prom I got voted "Biggest Brains". Then on results day I had people coming up to me and saying "All A*s then Joc?" or "Let's see your straight A's!" Having to tell them that I got half B's was humiliating. Not because B's are bad, I totally think B's are really good. But when you have all these people thinking you're cleverer than you really are, that's humiliating.
It's not so much that I'm particularly intelligent (like, I'm above average but nothing majorly exceptional in anything), it's just that I do a lot of work so people get this geeky image of me and match that up with getting insanely high grades. Work and results do not necessarily always match. I wish people realised this because I'm terrified about results day now, more about English than anything else.
Ugh I feel so sick.
Sorry to be whiney and complainy.
And I'm sure that this blog was a bad idea bearing in mind the hate comments that I still get on my last video in which I talk about exam results.
Good night.