1.10am.

Why do people build themselves up when they are BLATANTLY going to have it all come crashing down on them?

I may be a cynic, but I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist. I believe that for me (not for everyone) the best way to go about things is to be realistic in my expectations and then either be pleasantly surprised, unshocked, or mildly disappointed. I don't believe in all this ZOMG IT'S GONNA BE SO FUGGING AMAZING!!!!! stuff anymore because there's a chance that you will be absolutely gutted with the anti-climatic result. But nor do I believe in expecting the worse case scenario. Because that's just no fun. Sometimes I find myself getting carried away and I'm like OMG WALES IN LIKE FORTY FIVE DAYS!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!! or HARRY POTTER WORLD NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but let's face it; my train might crash and HP world might not get built on time. I'm not being pessimistic, I am being REALISTIC.

I just really hate being disappointed.

I'm so ineloquent lately, I'm finding it really hard to put my points across coherently. Hence why my last few blogs have been lists. Paragraphs just aren't working for me at the moment.

I really want to write a book. I started one last year but due to a change in circumstances I was unable to carry it on. So now it's just sitting there in my favourite notebook. It's only been read by one person and I know this sounds awful but I can't actually remember who it was...all I remember is that they thought it was really good and then I had to tell them that I'd totally ripped off the idea and style from one of my favourite authors. I want to write something ORIGINAL and actually good. But all the original ideas aren't good and all the good idea's aren't original. Because if an idea's good then it's already been done and if an idea is original then it's not good because no one has thought it worth writing down. It's all swings and fugging roundabouts.

I'm absolutely exhausted and I can so tell that the longer I type for, the more ridiculous this blog is going to get. And then I'll read it in the morning and I won't remember writing any of it. Here's the deal though right, in 4ish hours time we get to pick our Facebook usernames. I just KNOW that someone will steal the one I want. I even have a feeling that someone I know (don't know who but there's a few people who would do this because they're bastards to put it bluntly) would create a wasted account to do so. Pathetic, but that's the sort of people that I have to coexist with. I'm not staying up till 5.01am to get my account, because quite frankly I can't be fucked. But all I know that if I wake up in the morning and I can't get the name I want, I'm going to go off on one. My dad was all "You could always put a hyphen in" and I'm like FOR FUCKS SAKE DAD, I AM NOT PUTTING A HYPHEN IN! THERE IS NOT MEANT TO BE A HYPHEN THERE! And then my dad was all like "But you are right, someone probably will steal it." But that's coming from the man who's idea of a father-daughter activity is brewing 10 pints of lager together in the kitchen. So it's not as if I'm even going to trust his judgement on the matter. Now I've got pins and needles. I know a lot of people are like, in awe of how *amazing* the human body and its functions are, but SERIOUSLY. It's the fucking TWENTY FIRST CENTURY. Should pins and needles have not like, been evolved out by now? It's absolutely ridiculous, stupid things like having thick hair all over our bodies has gone so why the fuck can we still get pins and needles? I don't really think human nature is that incredible if we can't even adapt out of something simple like that.

I tell you what REALLY makes me laugh. Is people who think that I'm bluffing when I say something. For example, on telling my mum that I'm getting a tattoo one day, she said "Of course you are Jocy" in a patronising tone. The thing is, if she'd have taken me seriously then maybe I'd have been like "Yeah, she doesn't want me to so maybe I won't." But due to her taking the absolute piss, now I am DEFINITELY getting that tattoo. Because she thinks I won't do it. So I'll get it and I'll prove her wrong and THEN who'll be laughing? She won't that's for shizzle. It serves her right though because I don't think my mum takes me seriously often enough, so it'll be nice to shove that in her face one day.

Another thing that makes me laugh is this scenario. So I'm sitting in the living room watching TV. I'm simultaneously on my MacBook and eating some chocolate. And my mum gets all angry at me and starts shouting "YOU NEED TO START LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD!" Erm hello! I'm a TEENAGER! This IS the real world, not only for me, but for LOTS of teenagers. She's the one who needs to enter the real world and realise that the real world for a 17 year old is not the same world that someone in their 40's lives in. This is why I am making the most of being young; old people are always so bloody BITTER. It's like yes, you're old now, stop ruining the fact that I'm not old. Old is a state of mind anyway. I'll get older but I'll never get old.

Me and my nana are really close, I'd say. I'd actually say that out of all of my family members she's the one I have the most in common with. Any situation I present to her, she can relate to. And she doesn't judge me either like my parents do, she listens and she gives advice. And she doesn't patronise me or tell me I'm wrong. Unless I am wrong, and in that case I don't mind being told so. But I know some people who hate the fact that often I'm not wrong so they tell me I'm wrong anyway and it's like, Jealousy is not an attractive quality, dear. I HATE jealousy. I'm always jealous of people, but I'll get jealous of how they look or who they're friends with, the normal sort of teenager jealousy. And then there's some fucking IDIOTS who get jealous of other peoples' intelligence and so they make out that they're always wrong. But they just make themselves look even more stupid. And the people who big themselves up SO badly and make out they are the absolute BEST. And then you can't help but hope they fail, just so they look stupid.