My day.

I can't put what a mishmash today has been into words. And I'm really shocked that my spell checker has not given mishmash a red squiggly line.

So my latest YouTube video explains how I feel about making friends with people over the internet. I didn't think that people actually wanted to be friends with me from seeing my videos. I have a few close friends from YouTube but I thought that that was it. But I got such an incredible response from that video. I thought I was the only one to feel intimidated by subscriber numbers, but it turns out people were hesitant to contact ME because of MY subscriber numbers. This has really overwhelmed me because I've always been a person who loves to make friends and does so quite easily, my subscriber numbers haven't changed that. I'm so happy I made that video because some really lovely people have contacted me and I feel like I've made six new friends today.

In the span of three emails I told one of these people something about me I've never told anyone else before.
In the span of three emails I encouraged one of these people to come to a YouTube gathering.
In the span of three emails I showed my immature, teenage girl side to one of these people which is something I'm not usually comfortable doing.

I'm sorry to be a cliche but I feel like today has changed me as a person. I've got such an appreciation of the idea that strangers are friends you haven't met yet.

I hate the fact that with subscribers comes people thinking you're "famous". I don't want fame from my YouTube videos; yes I love that lots of people like to watch them, but I don't want anybody thinking I'm famous. I'm not on any level above those with 10 subscribers. I'm just a 17 year old girl from England, living the same life as other kids out there, except I put aspects of mine on film. I hate that there are people out there who would like to know me better but feel intimidated to contact me because of the number of subscribers I have. This isn't why I started vlogging. I started vlogging to try and new hobby and to make friends with people from all over the world. I've done the former and the latter, but I feel like the latter is becoming more and more unlikely as the subscribers go up. I'd still love to get more subscribers as it feels amazing knowing that people like my videos, but I want to be approachable. I wish they could come hand in hand. I wish I could explain to everyone that I want them so badly to come hand in hand.