My 2012!

It's time for my annual blog about the past year. I've done this every year since 2007, which is scary because I remember when I first decided to do one and now that was 5 years ago which is a quarter of my life. I'M OLDDDDDDDD.

Anyway, 2012 was a good year. The first few months weren't anything amazing. I totally loved my course (as usual) and had a nice time at uni with my Media friends, but my self confidence was low and I was suffering from very bad anxiety. I didn't want to socialise and I felt quite lonely. It wasn't the best. However, when it got to June everything started looking up. I went to Madeira with my family and with Stuart, which was absolutely incredible and I got to SWIM WITH DOLPHINS which was a lifelong dream of mine! And not in one of those awful tanks either, it was in the sea in the wild! It was just incredible. Putting my head underwater and being surrounded by about 30 dolphins, and hearing their whistles and clicks was one of the most amazing moments. It was jut wonderful.

In July I got to move into the house with Stuart and the boys. This was immediately a weight off my shoulders and a great relief. Shortly after this were the 2012 Olympic Games. I volunteered at my university was which was Pre-Games Training Camp for the South African, Chinese, Japanese and Irish athletics teams. It was such a brilliant experience! It converted me from an Olympic-cynic into an absolute Olympic fangirl. I got to meet some lovely people in the form of the other volunteers, such as Laura, Emma, Dan and Abbie and of course the hilarious Charlie. The people who were running the Camp were amazing and we just had the best time together. Having the opportunity to not only watch these world-class athletes train, but to also get to know them was such a once in a lifetime, and it felt really special to know we were helping them prepare for the biggest events of their lives so far. I got to meet some unbelievably famous faces such as Caster Semanya, Maria Mutola and Oscar Pistorius. And then, to add the icing on top of the cake, to thank me and Stuart for all our efforts (we did 6 weeks of full time volunteering) we got given tickets to see the Athletics in the Oympic Stadium for free! So we got to watch Jessica Ennis do some of her Heptathlon events, as well as Usain Bolt doing his 100m!!! So incredible! On top of this it so happened that the cycle races and time trials went straight past my uni, so we all got to go and cheer Team GB on by the side of the road together. The atmosphere was just mind-blowing and it really touched me how the spectators cheered on ALL the cyclists and not just our teams. It was perfect. Another highlight of this time was watching the Opening Ceremony with all of the volunteers and coordinators in the Link Room on campus. We all got takeaway Nando's and it was such fun. Later on, in October, I also went to see the Paralympic Athletics at the Olympic Stadium with my parents, Stuart, David and my wonderful friend Becky. It was equally amazing, if not more. I was delighted to be able to absorb the atmosphere of the Games some more, because it really was electric.

In August I went on a last minute spur of the moment holiday to Kavos, Corfu with two of my best friends from school Sarah and Katie. We hadn't all hung out together in YEARS, but we had such a lovely time! Even though the hotel/environment wasn't entirely up our streets (clubby!) we made the best of it and had a wonderful week in the scorching sun. We swam and went to the beach and had ice creams and all got on so so well, it was lovely. I really needed some guaranteed sun so it was perfect, and a lovely thing to round off my summer with.

So this brings me to September, when I started the first semester of my final year of university. Honestly, this is when I feel like I really came into my own at university. All the modules I studied this past semester have been WONDERFUL. I did a module about Disney, a module about Digital Imaging, Online Broadcasting and also my Practical Dissertation. I really found myself in a proper friendship group for the first time since halls, and this time I am so sure they are my friends for life. We spent day in day out together and even though we had an obscene amount of work and had to be at uni for about 15 hours a day, 7 days a week, the people I was with made sure that I still had the time of my life. I was very proud of myself in regards to Digital Imaging, because in the first few lectures I struggled SO much and I was genuinely sure that I would fail. But I went home and practised and I did this until I wasn't bad at it, and I am extremely proud of my finished results. Disney was the best module I have ever studied in my life...and not only because we got to go on a FIELD TRIP TO DISNEYLAND PARIS!!!!!

This was one of the best weekends of my life, 24th November - 26th November. It has been a dream of mine since I was 10 years old and first went to Disney World with my family that one day I could go to Disney with my friends. And that weekend my dream came true. It was utterly perfect, I cannot think of a single way that it could have been any better. The people I was with were just wonderful, there was not a singly dispute between us the whole weekend, we just spent the whole weekend being awe-inspired and laughing together. I went on my first ever rollercoasters too and loved them! Something that was recurring throughout the weekend was the support system we all had for eachother. This began on the way there when a couple of people felt travel sick and everyone rallied to help make them better. Then, that evening, we were deciding whether or not at 8.30 we wanted to bite the bullet and go to Paris for a few hours. I began feeling anxious because obviously we don't know the area well, it was dark, it was late, I was worried I was going to get ill...and everyone was just so lovely to me. Rebecca was particularly brilliant, I remember her just looking at me and saying that we were all there looking out for eachother and that I have to ignore the anxiety and just DO IT because no one would let anything bad happent to me and that this was one of the times where we just have to DO IT or we'd regret it forever, and that in the end I'd feel proud of myself for it. Simon refused to leave us and came with, and he helped me find a toilet when we arrived and I was desperate :D Amy, as usual, looked out for me and we stuck together in a situation when we were both out of our comfort zones. All I can say is that Rebecca was completely right and that we all owe Jess and Ellie for just going and buying their tickets, otherwise I don't think any of us would have. It was one of the most special nights of my life, and even though we were only there for a couple of hours, it was a couple of hours that I'll remember forever. Even when it came to rollercoasters everyone looked out for eachother! And by eachother, I mean me :P I was the only one who had never been on one before and the first one we rode was the Indiana Jones ride, and it went upside down! Tall Simon held my hand the whole time and I kept my eyes firmly shut :P But I truly loved it and went on many others. I also had to hold Nasima's hand on the Rock n Roller Coaster :P The rest of the weekend in Disney was just unbelievable. All the feelings that I had when I went a decade previously came flooding back, and the fact that it was all Christmassy just added to the magic. It was just mind-blowing, I had the time of my life and I just cannot emphasise that any more.

The weekend after Disney my birthday celebrations continued. Stuart took me for a posh afternoon tea in South Kensington, and after this we went to see Matilda the Musical courtesy of his parents! It was brilliant. And then the week after THAT, something VERY SPECIAL happened. I finally, after waiting since 2006, got to see...AMERICAN IDIOT THE MUSICAL!!!!!!!!! This was first mentioned online in 2006, when Billie Joe said that they wrote the album as a rock opera and would like to see it performed onstage. Years after this, it went to Broadway and then toured America, and then years after that, it FINALLY came for a London tour! It did not disappoint, and sitting in the third row with Stuart, Megg and David was another dream come true. I still can't really believe I finally got to see it, at the age of 21 having been 15 when I first heard about it. What are the chances of that! And my parents came too and also loved it which was brilliant.

So really, this brings me to now...the end of December. And it's not over yet because the day after tomorrow I am going to NEW YORK CITY with mum, dad, Jake, nana, grandpa and Stuart!!!! Mum has always said she wanted to take me to New York for my 21st, so we incorporated it with celebrations for my parents' 21st anniversary and my grandparents' 55th anniversary. I just can't believe I'm so lucky to be going to NYC with my amazing family and my boyfriend!!!!! I really am living the absolute dream, and I am SO excited!!! I need to pack now actually. But before that, I need to complete my checklist of the aims I made for 2012 by seeing if I achieved them. Then I'll give a quick commentary of the things that I looked forward to for this year. Lastly I'll make similar lists for 2013. Here we go:


AIMS FOR 2012
- Continue enjoying my course
DEFINITELY. I love it more and more each week to be honest, because every week I become closer with my friends and every week I learn some more. I can't believe that this time next year it will all be over ): I wish I could continue studying Media Arts forever, part of my wishes that anyway.

- Get a 2:1 at the end of second year
Yep (: I got 67.3, which is 2.7% off of a First!!!

- Stay with Stuart
Of course (:

- Not have arguments
I didn't really have any arguments that I can recall. This may have been my downfall on some occasions though because I think some stuff happened that I should have called people up on but I didn't have the guts to. I need to strike the balance between non-confrontational but still assertive of my right to be treated nicely

- Lose weight
Dream on

- Keep my hair in good conditioning PARTICULARLY by not straightening it very much at all
It is SO MUCH BETTER! It's finally growing! And I didn't straighten it for about 4 months over the summer! Now I'm doing it about once a fortnight and I've stopped putting permanent dye on it too.

- Start thinking seriously about what I want to do after uni
I've applied for 2 jobs if that counts? :P I know what I'd like to do but am not pinning my hopes on one thing.

- Turn 21 in a calm and sensible fashion :D


- Do not get mature. That would be tragic.
As if

- Do something lovely with Stuart for our one year annimaversary (:
We went out for Italian food and had epic sized pizzas with amazing gelato

- Sort out my anxiety issues and just feel less ill and more healthy
Unfortunately not. I need to work on this a lot.

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2012
- Completing the second year of my course
It was brilliant.

- Going to Madeira with my family and Stuart and uncle Warren
Brilliant

- Michael McIntyre with Stuart and his family
Oh yeah! This was also brilliant.

- Green Day American Idiot musical!!!!!
BRILLIANTTT

- NEW YORK
AAHHHHH I HOPE IT'S BRILLIANT

- Losing weight
This would have been brilliant :P

AIMS FOR 2013
- get a First in my degree. Really I'm setting myself up for a 2:1, but if I get a 2:1 I know I'll be devastated, and I'm definitely aiming for a First.
- sort out my anxiety
- continue getting long hair
- after graduation, get a job that I love and that utilises my degree
- stay in contact with my brilliant lecturers
- I just got a text from Amy about an idea for a short film...so it is now an aim to make that short film
- vlog/blog regularly
- move out....this is ambitious and unlikely, but it would be great
- get on better with Jake
- stay with Stuart
- stay best friends with the wonderful Media Arts girls
- sing at the last SMarts acoustic night at uni
- do some travelling

THINGS I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IN 2013
- starting the year in NEW YORK CITY!!!! I can't believe that when I go back to commentate on this next year I'll have already done this when right now it is still a dream!
- my Arts and Culture module
- doing my practical dissertation
- making my Online Broadcasting documentary
- going to our apartment timeshare in Portugal with family and Stuart
- hopefully entering the world as a graduated real life human and hopefully doing well in it and not having a nervous breakdown and quarter-life crisis

So that is my 2012. The latter half was unbelievably good. And it's not even over yet! I feel very lucky and would like to thank all the people who contributed to the brilliant times I have had. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Six chapters

CHAPTER ONE: The Job

It has been 3 days since I applied for The Job. I sometimes forget about it and then
when I remember I can think of little else for hours. The closing date for applications isn't till October 31st so it's going to be a while yet before I hear anything, if anything. Ohgod it just occurred to me that if I don't get it they might not let me know! How long is acceptable to wait till you contact them enquiring?!?! Ohmygod I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner!!!! SO MANY WORST CASE SCENARIOS!!!!!!!!


CHAPTER TWO: Pilates

Something that I have started doing this semester is Pilates. Me and Amy wanted to do yoga ideally, but the classes at our gym coincided with lectures, so we chose Pilates instead. It's a lot harder than you'd imagine, but strangely calming. Or maybe that's just because of the zen-balancing music they play. Or the fact that a lot of it is done laying down on a comfy mat. Believe it or not, it IS exercise.

CHAPTER THREE: Geriatric Musings

It's my birthday soon. Which is utterly terrifying. I started this blog when I was 16 years old, and now I'm about to turn 21. I was re-reading old blogs the other day, seeing the transition from GCSE panic, to sixth form to starting university. It's interesting how some things haven't changed at all, and other things are a whole new kettle of fish. Ultimately though I believe I have kept at least SOME of my "essence" (how disgustingly contrived that sounds hahaha) so that's reassuring. I still wear a lot of the same clothes from when I was a lot younger, such as the Converse All Stars I got when I was 14 (7 years ago!!!!!!!!!!) and my Green Day hoodie that I got when I was 15. Some things never change.

CHAPTER FOUR: Afternoon Tea

Speaking of my birthday, Stuart has organised some sort of surprise for me the week after. He has forbidden me from asking questions, and I know nothing other than that it is in the late afternoon of November 28th. I know this because he asked me if I wanted to go for a meal as a birthday treat but I said that we often go for a meal, and could we please go for afternoon tea instead? He thought it was a lovely idea (although that might just be because I read him the patisserie list at the hotel I wanted to go to for it!) and booked it for me as a special extra treat (: How nice is that! I love afternoon tea; I love how quaint it is and I love sarnies and scones and I LOVE desserts with a burning passion. I've been to a couple of afternoon teas before (at the Ritz and the Savoy no less) so I am very excited about that. It's almost a good thing turning 21 by the look of things!

CHAPTER FIVE: Degree

I've started really getting my head down with my uni work this semester now. I've started an essay that is due in at the end of November and I'm plodding on with my huge portfolio for my Advanced Digital Imaging. Not to mention my dissertation prep, which is now underway. I felt out of my depth and panicked, but then my tutor told me that I'm actually very ahead with my development, so that was reassuring.

CHAPTER SIX:

Shower and hairwash time soon, then bed. Whilst I'm doing that, enjoy these photos from my afternoon tea at the Savoy. Me and my brother took my nana and grandpa earlier in the year to thank them for being wonderful relatives. It was a lovely afternoon. Jocy xxx

Grades

The other day I got my grades for my first semester of my second year at university. They are as follows:

Web Design - 54%, 2:2
Media Thinkers - 64%, 2:1
TV Studio Production - 64%, 2:1
Image & Visual Culture - 61%, 2:1

I'm really not sure how I feel about these grades.

I was totally fine about Web Design because I struggled with it in year 10 and I struggled with it this time too. HTML and coding and building the whole site had so many processes, and I've never been good at processes. This is why I always hated physics and maths, whilst I enjoyed humanities; they are more free thinking. So with Web Design I decided that rather than trying to be over-ambitious and not pulling it off I'd rather stick to my capabilities and get a firm pass, which I did.

Media Thinkers was a complicated module. I loved the subject and I loved the things I learnt, and I even loved the essay topics. LO AND BEHOLD I even loved WRITING THE ESSAYS. What I didn't love was the fact that with both essays I sent drafts to my lecturer to get feedback before I submitted my final one (feedback of which I followed) and I still only just got a 2:1. The way I see it, if I write an essay that needs improvement, the improvements I am suggested by the lecturer should allow me to achieve the highest possible grade. Call my crazy, but bearing in mind with the first essay I was only given 5 things to add (all of which I added) I did assume I'd done better than 64%. The second essay was even more ridiculous because all of the feedback I got for my draft was ALREADY IN MY ESSAY. And I still only scraped a 2:1. I've talked to the head of Media once about this and have got a meeting next week with the head of education or something, at which I can communicate my views on this. So even though I feel like I should have been given tuition that would have got me to a higher grade than a lower 2:1, I was unsurprised by my result.

TV Studio Production was a brilliant laugh, and I really, really enjoyed it. I am eager to get some feedback on my grade because I'd like to know where my portfolio blog lost marks because I thought I followed the instructions quite well.

Image and Visual Culture was hit and miss for me, I loved the practical side of it but struggled with the essay because we were restricted as to the sources we could reference, which for me was quite repressing. Additionally, my lecturer didn't have time to read my essay draft (I'm not going to go into this now because I'm still very cross) which I know was my downfall. I was so, so proud of my photo essay so I want to know what they didn't like about them. Essentially, I wanted to do very well in IVC, but as soon as I found that my essay draft wouldn't get read over, I lost hope.

For as long as I can remember I've been a perfectionist academically. I don't mean that I always achieve extremely highly, I mean that I always beat myself up when I don't. It began to an extreme when I got majority As at GCSE and was absolutely gutted they weren't A*s. I remember just HATING myself because I knew that I didn't work my absolute hardest, and I knew that if I had have worked my absolute hardest that I would have got A*s. When it came to A Level I had a pretty stressful time at school and the obstacles I encountered meant even I was quite pleased to get my ABBCE. And in my first year of university I got a First, which I was absolutely DELIGHTED about. So all I wanted to do this year was to reach the standard I had set myself and work and exert effort and do just as well again...

...which is why I'm not entirely sure why I'm not more upset about my three 2:1s. When I really think about it it's really quite upsetting, to know that working your hardest and putting in the most effort you could possibly put in is only worth 60.75%. Literally JUST a 2:1. Actually now I've got my calculator out and done the maths I feel a fair amount worse. I just want to excel. If I could look back on last semester and think "Well if I had done this/that/the other I would have probably done better" than fair play, I would have regrets due to not trying my best. But I cannot think of anything I could have done differently to get a higher grade.

I think this is about accepting my standard. My standard is only a 2:1. I need to work on eliminating my grand delusions of Firsts and just be okay with average.