Getting over things

I've never really understood the concept of "getting over" something. What does it even mean? I spose the context I've heard it in most was when my friends broke up with they boy/girlfriends at secondary school and used to say things like "I'll never get over him/her" and "How do I get over him/her?" And I always used to wonder, why do you WANT to get over them?

I don't for a moment think that it's healthy to never "get over" someone. But I don't think it's particularly healthy to entirely "get over" someone who impacted your life, whether it be in a good way or a bad way.

I can relate this to two things in my life. The first was this guy I liked for a few years in secondary school. Nothing really ever happened, but I only "got over" him when I got to uni and didn't have to see him every day. And by "got over" I mean that I stopped fancying him. But I haven't REALLY "got over" it because it still makes me sad when I think about how much he messed me around. But I don't think this is a bad thing. I think that it's fine for the remnants of a past ANYTHING to linger. It shows that it had an effect on you, and is affecting how you live your life today. It is proof that the experience moulded you. I love my boyfriend to absolute pieces (even more so than I did the last time I wrote that in my blog probably) but that doesn't detract from how I used to feel about the person that I used to fancy. And that's fine. Because how happy I am now with Stuart just reaffirms how not happy the person I used to like made me, and how not happy I would have essentially have been if it were him I'd ended up with. So I really don't want to ever FULLY "get over" the guy because then how would I be so sure of how much I love Stuart if I had nothing to gauge it against? I learnt so much from that whole shebang, and I don't want to be over it.

The other thing I can relate this to is much more fresh on my mind because it happened more recently. I wouldn't have blogged about it had the person it happened with not deleted me off Facebook, because as far as I'm concerned, this day in age that is the do or die in wanting to cut contact with someone. So I don't feel like I'm invading anything by writing it here. The short and short of it is that I'm not best friends with the person who I was best friends with for abour 5 years anymore. I feel fine about it at the moment, but I know that's because it hasn't sunk in yet. Once it hits me properly I'll probably cry for ages. And then I'll be fine. I'll "get over it". Somehow, "getting over it" seems a more attractive choice in this example than in the above. Maybe it's because I still feel angry about it, maybe it's because I feel I've been unfairly treated, or maybe it's because I just cannot bear to hang onto anything to do with him any longer. Part of me really REALLY wants to "get over" it. I can't listen to the music of the bands we saw in concert together. I can't look at photos of us from over the years. I just want no emotional/tangible link to anything to do with him and what we had as best friends. I think I do really honestly want to get over him. Or maybe I don't, maybe it's just because of the reasons I aforementioned.

So the past few hours I've been trying to work out, how do you get over someone who helped to mould most aspects of you? I feel like he'll never be gone from my life because there's barely anything I can think of that doesn't relate to something we had at some point or another. I want to throw everything of his that I own away, I want to erase as much of him as possible. I'm not going to do these things because I'm probably just being dramatic because it's still sore. Deep down I know that it's not healthy to "get over" it. I should be able to see that in hindsight our friendship wasn't meant to be forever like we both thought. And I should be able to look back and smile at what was. At the moment I can't do this, but this is what I'm aiming for. After all, I was the one who was deleted. I would never be the deleter. This is how I know I can't get rid of all of his stuff and erase all of our photos together. Because I can't DO deleting. I'm too obsessed with photos and blogs and videos. It's in my nature to record things.

Conclusively, this is why I think I do not believe in getting over anything. It should always be there. A legacy of what was. Whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. It was, and it should remain.