I'm in a horrendously boring lecture. It's for Film and Popular Culture and we are being shown an extract of some film from Asia (not sure which part) but it's subtitled and I'm sitting right at the back and can't see the subtitles. So, blog! :D
Uni is still going insanely well (aside from this subject but what can do xD) and I have made the best friends everrrrrr.
For example I am currently sitting between the two Simons (yes there are two
Simons and we are all friends, confusing? Sometimes). In fact in case either of them is reading this over my shoulder then HELLO :D
But yes, everything is somewhat wonderful. I don't feel like I've only known everyone for LESS THAN TWO MONTHS. It seems like yeeeears, but I suppose that's because we spend all day most days together. I love that though.
Ever since I was 5 and read The Naughtiest Girl In The School
I always wanted to go to boarding school. And then what with Hogwarts and stuff I just ALWAYS thought it would be amazing. And now it feels like I'm at boarding school! Our halls are catered so we all go for meals together and it's actually like being in an Enid Blyton book xD
I know I said it in my last post, but university is like, a billion times better than I thought/dared to hope it would be. I've been here nearly two months now and no disappointment has set in whatsoever. The main thing I wanted to do was to come here and meet amazing people that I will be friends with for life. The other thing I wanted to do was to study Media at last and for all the UCAS stress and wasted time at Drama auditions to seem worth it. I'm doing both of these things.
The last 7 and a half weeks have been the best of my life. I get to spend all day every day with the best people ever. I get to have late nights and late mornings. I get to be independent. I get to go out when I want, where I want. I am having the time of my life.
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Pinch me.
I'M AT UNIVERSITY.
Ohgod. Just writing that makes me freak out. It's just...I've said it so much over the past week...SURREAL. It's just surreal. Things like this DO NOT HAPPEN. Well they do, but you just don't think they ever will. I'm not explaining myself properly. What I mean is, that I always KNEW I'd go to university. I always knew one day the day would come when I had got into a university and I would be going to it. But, that day always seemed in the unforeseeable future. The summer was endless. I would spend the summer getting ready for university. At the end of that summer, I would go to university. But that summer was endless so what did after summer matter?
But alas, here I am at university. I have been here for nine days now. I have had the absolute, categorical time of my life. I waited for this for so, so long. I really did not like sixth form. University was the light at the end of the tunnel. And now I'm here. In the run up to university (I have said this many times on this blog) I didn't feel at all nervous; just absolutely, ridiculously excited. This scared me for two reasons. I took for granted that because I wasn't nervous in the build up, I would completely freak out when I did get here at last. I also took for granted that because I was so excited, it would be a letdown and a disappointment.
Neither of these things came to light. I have not had a freak out yet, and so far it has been everything I hoped plus a billion times more.
As someone who doesn't really drink and isn't a massive partier, I was very worried about that side of university life. I didn't want to be the only one not doing those things, nor did I want to get roped into stuff I didn't feel comfortable with. As it happens, I have met the most incredible group of people who are absolutely like-minded to me. I cruised through sixth form without a solid, definitive friendship group, and as much as I pretended it didn't bother me, I hated it. Within a day of being at university I had slotted perfectly into a group of people. We all (bar a couple, who come and visit all the time) live in the same halls, and we spend the majority of our waking hours together. We have only known eachother for just over a week, but because we've been in such close quarters, we've become close unbelievably fast. It's what I've needed for so, so long. I feel on top of the world, my self-confidence is the highest it's been in years and I'm surrounded by some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I thought people were exaggerating a bit when they told me that I would meet my friends of life at university, but I can already see that this is true.
It all hits me when I think about our living conditions; we're in halls of residence, which is basically on-campus accommodation. In my halls we have our own rooms with an en-suite and then there's kitchens dotted around that we share. I realised yesterday that we have lived without any adult input for over a week. This may sound trivial, but for people who have left home for the first time, it is a massive deal! Yet we haven't even significantly noticed this, because of how we've settled in. I feel completely at home here. I adore how I have my friends constantly a few meters at most away from me. It's amazing. For example, at 1 this morning (It's about 2am now) I wrote my friend Michael, who lives in the room opposite me, a note and put it under his door. We communicated this way for half an hour, not actually seeing eachother, just posting letters under our door. His room is a meter from mine. It's so, so brilliant. What I find incredible is that some universities put you in your rooms based on the personalities of the other people, by getting prospective students to fill out questionnaires about themselves beforehand. They didn't do that at my uni. However, if they had done, they couldn't have matched us any better. Michael and me are both huge Shakespeare and Doctor Who fans. Me, Lizzie, Kat, Sarah and Kelly adore musical theatre. Me and Mike have the same music taste. And that's just the tip of the iceberg; I have not argued with one person. Obviously as humans we're not destined to get on amazingly with everyone we meet, but bearing in mind how much we've all seen of eachother over the past 9 days, it's unbelievably how well we're getting on.
And that's before I even get started on my course. I am a MEDIA ARTS STUDENT. I've wanted to study media for so, so long. I've been directly contributing to the media through my vlogging for three and a half years, and to actually be STUDYING this as an ART FORM is like, my dream. Making a career path out of a hobby that has become basically my life and who I am. So far I have had one lecture and one workshop in a Mac suite. In both of these situations I was in my element. I know this is what I'm meant to be doing. It really terrifies me how horribly close I was to studying Drama for another three years. I do actually miss drama a lot, and will definitely be joining the Drama Society here, but I know that doing it for my degree would have been the wrong choice. I went through a lot to get my place on this course; I had to beg and convince my parents that I was serious about it, then do the same with my teachers, then I had to pull out university applications past the official deadline and then I had to reapply, again past the official deadline. And finally, here I am. I'll never take this for granted.
I think that more or less concludes my blog. I just want to make the most of every second here. I'm living in London, something I've always wanted to do, studying what I've always wanted to study, living with the kind of people I've always wanted to live with. I am absorbing and enjoying everything that is thrown at me, and I am ecstatic that I have only been here for one week.
THREE MORE YEARS TO GO. (:
Ohgod. Just writing that makes me freak out. It's just...I've said it so much over the past week...SURREAL. It's just surreal. Things like this DO NOT HAPPEN. Well they do, but you just don't think they ever will. I'm not explaining myself properly. What I mean is, that I always KNEW I'd go to university. I always knew one day the day would come when I had got into a university and I would be going to it. But, that day always seemed in the unforeseeable future. The summer was endless. I would spend the summer getting ready for university. At the end of that summer, I would go to university. But that summer was endless so what did after summer matter?
But alas, here I am at university. I have been here for nine days now. I have had the absolute, categorical time of my life. I waited for this for so, so long. I really did not like sixth form. University was the light at the end of the tunnel. And now I'm here. In the run up to university (I have said this many times on this blog) I didn't feel at all nervous; just absolutely, ridiculously excited. This scared me for two reasons. I took for granted that because I wasn't nervous in the build up, I would completely freak out when I did get here at last. I also took for granted that because I was so excited, it would be a letdown and a disappointment.
Neither of these things came to light. I have not had a freak out yet, and so far it has been everything I hoped plus a billion times more.
As someone who doesn't really drink and isn't a massive partier, I was very worried about that side of university life. I didn't want to be the only one not doing those things, nor did I want to get roped into stuff I didn't feel comfortable with. As it happens, I have met the most incredible group of people who are absolutely like-minded to me. I cruised through sixth form without a solid, definitive friendship group, and as much as I pretended it didn't bother me, I hated it. Within a day of being at university I had slotted perfectly into a group of people. We all (bar a couple, who come and visit all the time) live in the same halls, and we spend the majority of our waking hours together. We have only known eachother for just over a week, but because we've been in such close quarters, we've become close unbelievably fast. It's what I've needed for so, so long. I feel on top of the world, my self-confidence is the highest it's been in years and I'm surrounded by some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I thought people were exaggerating a bit when they told me that I would meet my friends of life at university, but I can already see that this is true.
It all hits me when I think about our living conditions; we're in halls of residence, which is basically on-campus accommodation. In my halls we have our own rooms with an en-suite and then there's kitchens dotted around that we share. I realised yesterday that we have lived without any adult input for over a week. This may sound trivial, but for people who have left home for the first time, it is a massive deal! Yet we haven't even significantly noticed this, because of how we've settled in. I feel completely at home here. I adore how I have my friends constantly a few meters at most away from me. It's amazing. For example, at 1 this morning (It's about 2am now) I wrote my friend Michael, who lives in the room opposite me, a note and put it under his door. We communicated this way for half an hour, not actually seeing eachother, just posting letters under our door. His room is a meter from mine. It's so, so brilliant. What I find incredible is that some universities put you in your rooms based on the personalities of the other people, by getting prospective students to fill out questionnaires about themselves beforehand. They didn't do that at my uni. However, if they had done, they couldn't have matched us any better. Michael and me are both huge Shakespeare and Doctor Who fans. Me, Lizzie, Kat, Sarah and Kelly adore musical theatre. Me and Mike have the same music taste. And that's just the tip of the iceberg; I have not argued with one person. Obviously as humans we're not destined to get on amazingly with everyone we meet, but bearing in mind how much we've all seen of eachother over the past 9 days, it's unbelievably how well we're getting on.
And that's before I even get started on my course. I am a MEDIA ARTS STUDENT. I've wanted to study media for so, so long. I've been directly contributing to the media through my vlogging for three and a half years, and to actually be STUDYING this as an ART FORM is like, my dream. Making a career path out of a hobby that has become basically my life and who I am. So far I have had one lecture and one workshop in a Mac suite. In both of these situations I was in my element. I know this is what I'm meant to be doing. It really terrifies me how horribly close I was to studying Drama for another three years. I do actually miss drama a lot, and will definitely be joining the Drama Society here, but I know that doing it for my degree would have been the wrong choice. I went through a lot to get my place on this course; I had to beg and convince my parents that I was serious about it, then do the same with my teachers, then I had to pull out university applications past the official deadline and then I had to reapply, again past the official deadline. And finally, here I am. I'll never take this for granted.
I think that more or less concludes my blog. I just want to make the most of every second here. I'm living in London, something I've always wanted to do, studying what I've always wanted to study, living with the kind of people I've always wanted to live with. I am absorbing and enjoying everything that is thrown at me, and I am ecstatic that I have only been here for one week.
THREE MORE YEARS TO GO. (:
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Does anyone have any light to shed on this?
A memory from June just randomly popped into my head out of nowhere which I totally forgot about straight after it happened. Which isn't that surprising because straight after it happened me and my friends lost two of our group and then missed the last train and had to spend £50 on a cab...but I digress (I'M A LEADING MAN AND THE LIES I WEAVE ARE OH SO INTO CATS DOO DOO DOOO DOO shutup brain).
Anyway.
This is the memory.
It was after the Green Day concert and me and Sam and Megg were waiting outside Wembley Stadium for the other two in our group. Whilst this was going on a girl was standing near us looking panicked, she was probably about our age. I asked her if she was alright and she said that she had got split up from her group and her phone was out of battery and she had no way of contacting them. So straight away I offered her my phone and told her to ring them and I said that we wouldn't leave her standing there by herself. She looked GENUINELY shocked at this, and so so grateful. At the time I thought nothing of it because in all honesty it would never cross my mind to act any way differently to that in that situation. And now I'm thinking about it it's actually quite interesting. The reason I did what I did and said what I said was because I know for a fact if I was surrounded by 20,000 people who I didn't know at 11pm in London with no means of contacting anyone that I did no, I would be terrified. I would have wandered round for ages in the hope someone asked me if I was alright and offered to lend me their phone. I'd have probably eventually mustered the courage to ask someone if I could borrow a phone if no one offered it to me first, but I would probably be crying my eyes out and in an absolute state of panic by this point. So obviously when I saw someone in this situation I wanted to make sure they were okay and not scared or at risk.
She was an absolute stranger. Was I too trusting? I handed her my phone. I didn't even think twice about it. I knew nothing whatsoever about her, she could have run off with it for all I knew. Is it strange that I was protective of a completely random human?
I don't think it was really. I can relate to her situation because I go to concerts a lot and I don't like being by myself in crowded places and when I don't have access to my phone I feel like the worst case scenario WILL always happen.
But now that I'm properly thinking it through I can't help but wonder if I am being incredibly naive to not even second-think doing something like letting a stranger use my phone in amongst a crowd of 20,000 people.
Anyone got any thoughts on this?
Anyway.
This is the memory.
It was after the Green Day concert and me and Sam and Megg were waiting outside Wembley Stadium for the other two in our group. Whilst this was going on a girl was standing near us looking panicked, she was probably about our age. I asked her if she was alright and she said that she had got split up from her group and her phone was out of battery and she had no way of contacting them. So straight away I offered her my phone and told her to ring them and I said that we wouldn't leave her standing there by herself. She looked GENUINELY shocked at this, and so so grateful. At the time I thought nothing of it because in all honesty it would never cross my mind to act any way differently to that in that situation. And now I'm thinking about it it's actually quite interesting. The reason I did what I did and said what I said was because I know for a fact if I was surrounded by 20,000 people who I didn't know at 11pm in London with no means of contacting anyone that I did no, I would be terrified. I would have wandered round for ages in the hope someone asked me if I was alright and offered to lend me their phone. I'd have probably eventually mustered the courage to ask someone if I could borrow a phone if no one offered it to me first, but I would probably be crying my eyes out and in an absolute state of panic by this point. So obviously when I saw someone in this situation I wanted to make sure they were okay and not scared or at risk.
She was an absolute stranger. Was I too trusting? I handed her my phone. I didn't even think twice about it. I knew nothing whatsoever about her, she could have run off with it for all I knew. Is it strange that I was protective of a completely random human?
I don't think it was really. I can relate to her situation because I go to concerts a lot and I don't like being by myself in crowded places and when I don't have access to my phone I feel like the worst case scenario WILL always happen.
But now that I'm properly thinking it through I can't help but wonder if I am being incredibly naive to not even second-think doing something like letting a stranger use my phone in amongst a crowd of 20,000 people.
Anyone got any thoughts on this?
Thoughts, gathered.
I suddenly got a compelling urge to write a blog. It occurred to me all of a sudden that what I'm going through right now is SUCH a once in a lifetime, and I then began feeling quite panicked about having a record of how it all was for me. Blog today, vlog tomorrow. If that's not a life motto I don't know what is.
In four days' time, I will be moving to university. In London. For starters, I find this alone incredulous. I don't know if I used incredulous in the right context there, I didn't want to say incredible so I thought that was a good alternative but now I'm not so sure. I digress. But yeah, ME moving to LONDON. That's crazy. I've wanted to live in London since I was fourteen. I know this because that's when I started blogging, and when I read the blogs I see that I filled in literally hundreds of those survey things, and every time I was asked where I would live if I could choose anywhere, I said London. So naturally, I assumed it would never happen. But alas, on Sunday I'm moving to London. But it's even better than the London I was referring to back then; back then I just naturally figured that in the unlikely event that I ever DID move to London then it would be to a penthouse apartment on top of CyberCandy in Covent Garden, surrounded by pollution and tourists and traffic. But no. I am moving to one of the nicest areas in all of London. I will be five minutes away from what I believe is the most expensive and poshest London borough, in which there is acres of beautiful parks and fields, yet I will be half an hour from the centre of London where the much-beloved hustle and bustle is. Best of both worlds? Hells to the yes it is.
Next thing: Estelle. Estelle is one of my best friends. We have only been friends for around two years (maybe even less), but we clicked straight away, as we are both quite mad. My first memory of Estelle is of us taking photos on my new MacBook in the study room at school when we were meant to be silently working. My next memory of Estelle is of us doing Bollywood dancing to the Bangra music from Slumdog Millionaire in the common room at lunchtime. We're going to university together XD I'm so, so happy. We literally always find something to laugh about, and there is no one else from school I'd rather be going to uni with. What makes it better is that we're in the same halls, she's living two floors above me :D She keeps me quite grounded; I have a tendency to somewhat KICK OFF, and I know she'll tell me to shut the hell up.
DING DING, next round. MY COURSE. I don't need to go on again about what an absolute hoohar/faff/kerfuffle I had to endure just to get to the point of having a place on a Media course. Short and short, in case you don't know and happen to care, is that I had 5 offers at 5 top universities to study Drama, and then I changed my mind about Drama but my parents weren't so sure and it took me five months to muster the guts to be like HELLZ TO THE NO I WILL NOT DO DRAMA and then I had to pull out my applications even though the deadline had passed etc etc...BUT ALAS. I'm doing a Media Arts course :D It's like my dream course. I feel like it's The Next Step to getting me to where I want to be. I, according to Mother Dearest, am a go-getter. I went out and got two jobs by myself. I got voluntary work by myself. I got work experience by myself. No one had to nag me, no one had to tell me to do it, I just wanted to do these things really badly and did them. I want REALLY BADLY to do amazingly at my course, and I really hope I can do this. I want to carry on GOING and GETTING what I want. I don't want to be the person who sits around saying "Ohhh I wish I could be a TV presenter one day!" I want to tell people that one day I'll be a TV presenter, and then actually go and do it. I know it's not something you can walk straight into. This is why I chose my course; I feel like on top of the various things I've already done, this is The Next Step to getting to the TV presenting; going to uni, getting a degree, refining my work ethic, upping my experience of both the industry and of life, and then GOING AND GETTING MORE STUFF. I can't wait.
In four days' time, I will be moving to university. In London. For starters, I find this alone incredulous. I don't know if I used incredulous in the right context there, I didn't want to say incredible so I thought that was a good alternative but now I'm not so sure. I digress. But yeah, ME moving to LONDON. That's crazy. I've wanted to live in London since I was fourteen. I know this because that's when I started blogging, and when I read the blogs I see that I filled in literally hundreds of those survey things, and every time I was asked where I would live if I could choose anywhere, I said London. So naturally, I assumed it would never happen. But alas, on Sunday I'm moving to London. But it's even better than the London I was referring to back then; back then I just naturally figured that in the unlikely event that I ever DID move to London then it would be to a penthouse apartment on top of CyberCandy in Covent Garden, surrounded by pollution and tourists and traffic. But no. I am moving to one of the nicest areas in all of London. I will be five minutes away from what I believe is the most expensive and poshest London borough, in which there is acres of beautiful parks and fields, yet I will be half an hour from the centre of London where the much-beloved hustle and bustle is. Best of both worlds? Hells to the yes it is.
Next thing: Estelle. Estelle is one of my best friends. We have only been friends for around two years (maybe even less), but we clicked straight away, as we are both quite mad. My first memory of Estelle is of us taking photos on my new MacBook in the study room at school when we were meant to be silently working. My next memory of Estelle is of us doing Bollywood dancing to the Bangra music from Slumdog Millionaire in the common room at lunchtime. We're going to university together XD I'm so, so happy. We literally always find something to laugh about, and there is no one else from school I'd rather be going to uni with. What makes it better is that we're in the same halls, she's living two floors above me :D She keeps me quite grounded; I have a tendency to somewhat KICK OFF, and I know she'll tell me to shut the hell up.
DING DING, next round. MY COURSE. I don't need to go on again about what an absolute hoohar/faff/kerfuffle I had to endure just to get to the point of having a place on a Media course. Short and short, in case you don't know and happen to care, is that I had 5 offers at 5 top universities to study Drama, and then I changed my mind about Drama but my parents weren't so sure and it took me five months to muster the guts to be like HELLZ TO THE NO I WILL NOT DO DRAMA and then I had to pull out my applications even though the deadline had passed etc etc...BUT ALAS. I'm doing a Media Arts course :D It's like my dream course. I feel like it's The Next Step to getting me to where I want to be. I, according to Mother Dearest, am a go-getter. I went out and got two jobs by myself. I got voluntary work by myself. I got work experience by myself. No one had to nag me, no one had to tell me to do it, I just wanted to do these things really badly and did them. I want REALLY BADLY to do amazingly at my course, and I really hope I can do this. I want to carry on GOING and GETTING what I want. I don't want to be the person who sits around saying "Ohhh I wish I could be a TV presenter one day!" I want to tell people that one day I'll be a TV presenter, and then actually go and do it. I know it's not something you can walk straight into. This is why I chose my course; I feel like on top of the various things I've already done, this is The Next Step to getting to the TV presenting; going to uni, getting a degree, refining my work ethic, upping my experience of both the industry and of life, and then GOING AND GETTING MORE STUFF. I can't wait.
Friday, 10 September 2010
Can't even begin to think of how I'm going to articulate this.
Something pretty rubbish has been ongoing throughout my summer and it didn't really hit me quite how crap it was until yesterday and then I went into meltdown and Jocy = wreck.
So there I am today, a complete and utter mess at 2am wondering how on earth I was going to DO the next few days as a successful human.
And then just as I need him most Joe come online and helps me sort everything out and rescues me from all the poop.
So what I'm trying to say is that I have a friend who bail me out of crappy situations and helps sort out my problems, even at two o' clock in the morning. For this I am an extremely lucky person.
xx
Something pretty rubbish has been ongoing throughout my summer and it didn't really hit me quite how crap it was until yesterday and then I went into meltdown and Jocy = wreck.
So there I am today, a complete and utter mess at 2am wondering how on earth I was going to DO the next few days as a successful human.
And then just as I need him most Joe come online and helps me sort everything out and rescues me from all the poop.
So what I'm trying to say is that I have a friend who bail me out of crappy situations and helps sort out my problems, even at two o' clock in the morning. For this I am an extremely lucky person.
xx
Monday, 6 September 2010
I'm having an identity crisis. This blog is about how I know this, and will explain past events that I can use as indicators.
When I was 14 I first dyed my hair. Wash in wash out black. I was finally into rock music and wanted to reflect this in my clothes, makeup and hair. I took pride in the fact that for the first time in my life I fit into a category. Obviously I bitched and whinged about the labels (I had to, we had to fight the system you see) but who was I kidding? I loved it.
Over the next two years I tried out so many different hair dyes. Black, dark brown, red, purple, pink, blue. I had now discovered punk. This hair showed that, so that people could instantly tell as soon as they met me that that was the scene I was into.
I was instantly, accurately judgeable. Again, we "hated" it, but I'm sure we fooled no one. It was the best thing ever.
As I approached 17 I lost myself a bit. My group of friends kind of dissolved and I didn't slot into a category anymore.
How could I have a place in an entire subculture if
I couldn't even have a place in a group of school friends? The hair dye stopped, because I didn't have a side of my personality to reflect anymore; for three months, I was hollow.
Three months after I turned 17, I started re-establishing myself. My confidence was back and better than ever, I had a group of people I was a part of and I wanted people to know this. Bam, permanent red hair dye. People associated it with me, and I loved it.
For 16 months I tried to make the red brighter and brighter, as red as possible. But now I'm approaching 19, and I don't feel that the red hair should be mine anymore. I'm not really sure why, hence the identity crisis. I don't think I want to spend the next however long as the one with red hair. I don't want my hair to make my personality judgeable anymore. That was perfect when I was 15 and needed instant acceptance and recognition for who I was. Now, I want to have more to show for myself.
Tomorrow there's going to be a huge hair change. I want something less overt than this bright, unnatural red. But I want it to show my personality at a glance. Trip to get hair dye in the morning. Till then, hair suggestions would be hugely welcomed!
When I was 14 I first dyed my hair. Wash in wash out black. I was finally into rock music and wanted to reflect this in my clothes, makeup and hair. I took pride in the fact that for the first time in my life I fit into a category. Obviously I bitched and whinged about the labels (I had to, we had to fight the system you see) but who was I kidding? I loved it.
Over the next two years I tried out so many different hair dyes. Black, dark brown, red, purple, pink, blue. I had now discovered punk. This hair showed that, so that people could instantly tell as soon as they met me that that was the scene I was into.
I was instantly, accurately judgeable. Again, we "hated" it, but I'm sure we fooled no one. It was the best thing ever.
As I approached 17 I lost myself a bit. My group of friends kind of dissolved and I didn't slot into a category anymore.
How could I have a place in an entire subculture if
I couldn't even have a place in a group of school friends? The hair dye stopped, because I didn't have a side of my personality to reflect anymore; for three months, I was hollow.
Three months after I turned 17, I started re-establishing myself. My confidence was back and better than ever, I had a group of people I was a part of and I wanted people to know this. Bam, permanent red hair dye. People associated it with me, and I loved it.
For 16 months I tried to make the red brighter and brighter, as red as possible. But now I'm approaching 19, and I don't feel that the red hair should be mine anymore. I'm not really sure why, hence the identity crisis. I don't think I want to spend the next however long as the one with red hair. I don't want my hair to make my personality judgeable anymore. That was perfect when I was 15 and needed instant acceptance and recognition for who I was. Now, I want to have more to show for myself.
Tomorrow there's going to be a huge hair change. I want something less overt than this bright, unnatural red. But I want it to show my personality at a glance. Trip to get hair dye in the morning. Till then, hair suggestions would be hugely welcomed!
Sunday, 5 September 2010
So I'm like TOTALLY moving out in less than two weeks. That's not what I want to talk about though.
It's really strange. I am SO excited about university and living in London and not living at home and being able to do my own thing without mother and father telling me it's bedtime. And I'm SO excited about studying the subject I know my passion lies in and learning about it and doing homework and hopefully getting really good grades. However, I'm absolutely pooping myself about freshers' week and going out and constant partying and clubbing.
Which is the absolute REVERSE to literally every other of my friends that I have talked to about this. THEY'RE all scared about living alone and finding the work difficult and they're living for the student lifestyle.
I have always known since I was five and got laughed at because I refused to play kiss chase because I refused to kiss the boys that I don't have the same outlook on life as a lot of other girls. I knew from a really young age that I wouldn't have boyfriends throughout secondary school and that I would never wear loads of makeup (nearly 19 and never worn foundation in my life). But I didn't think I'd get to university age and not want to embrace the entire university lifestyle.
Sometimes I see it as a negative thing. I genuinely do see people's points when they tell me that I will miss out on the experience and find it harder to make friends if I don't immerse myself into everything that goes on, at least initially. Fact of the matter is I know that at this UV foam party I'm attending (if I muster the courage) in 16 days time I will really be completely out of my depth. I'll feel paranoid and conscious the whole time, and even if I'm there I will miss out on the experience and find it hard to make friends. I can make friends easier than most if I'm in an environment I'm comfy with; chuck me into a YouTube gathering, put me in a theatre production and I'll come out with friends for life, but put me in a crowded, music-filled room full of people exactly like me except drunk and confident and I will dissolve.
Other times I see it as a positive thing. I don't drink very much at all (to me, going out for a "couple of drinks" is literally that. And then I stop.) which means at university I will be saving about £30 a week compared to others. I don't want to be out at parties till the early hours every night, which I'm hoping and assuming will reflect positively in my standard of work. I will not get with random guys in situations such as these, which I really see as nothing but a good thing despite what other girls may think.
But most of all I just see these as a Jocy thing. Trust JOCY to be thrilled about fending for herself and getting down to some really challenging work and to be freaking out about going to lots of parties. That's just what I'm like. I still LOVE going out, I'll definitely immerse myself in what's going on as much as possible. I'll have a drink or two with my friends, I'll dance with them at parties and I'll never, ever look down upon people who want to take their own student experiences further than that. But I suppose I am just One Of Those People who wants to get my head down and do what I need to do. Which is get to where I want to be.
Which is the absolute REVERSE to literally every other of my friends that I have talked to about this. THEY'RE all scared about living alone and finding the work difficult and they're living for the student lifestyle.
I have always known since I was five and got laughed at because I refused to play kiss chase because I refused to kiss the boys that I don't have the same outlook on life as a lot of other girls. I knew from a really young age that I wouldn't have boyfriends throughout secondary school and that I would never wear loads of makeup (nearly 19 and never worn foundation in my life). But I didn't think I'd get to university age and not want to embrace the entire university lifestyle.
Sometimes I see it as a negative thing. I genuinely do see people's points when they tell me that I will miss out on the experience and find it harder to make friends if I don't immerse myself into everything that goes on, at least initially. Fact of the matter is I know that at this UV foam party I'm attending (if I muster the courage) in 16 days time I will really be completely out of my depth. I'll feel paranoid and conscious the whole time, and even if I'm there I will miss out on the experience and find it hard to make friends. I can make friends easier than most if I'm in an environment I'm comfy with; chuck me into a YouTube gathering, put me in a theatre production and I'll come out with friends for life, but put me in a crowded, music-filled room full of people exactly like me except drunk and confident and I will dissolve.
Other times I see it as a positive thing. I don't drink very much at all (to me, going out for a "couple of drinks" is literally that. And then I stop.) which means at university I will be saving about £30 a week compared to others. I don't want to be out at parties till the early hours every night, which I'm hoping and assuming will reflect positively in my standard of work. I will not get with random guys in situations such as these, which I really see as nothing but a good thing despite what other girls may think.
But most of all I just see these as a Jocy thing. Trust JOCY to be thrilled about fending for herself and getting down to some really challenging work and to be freaking out about going to lots of parties. That's just what I'm like. I still LOVE going out, I'll definitely immerse myself in what's going on as much as possible. I'll have a drink or two with my friends, I'll dance with them at parties and I'll never, ever look down upon people who want to take their own student experiences further than that. But I suppose I am just One Of Those People who wants to get my head down and do what I need to do. Which is get to where I want to be.
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