So I'm like TOTALLY moving out in less than two weeks. That's not what I want to talk about though.

It's really strange. I am SO excited about university and living in London and not living at home and being able to do my own thing without mother and father telling me it's bedtime. And I'm SO excited about studying the subject I know my passion lies in and learning about it and doing homework and hopefully getting really good grades. However, I'm absolutely pooping myself about freshers' week and going out and constant partying and clubbing.

Which is the absolute REVERSE to literally every other of my friends that I have talked to about this. THEY'RE all scared about living alone and finding the work difficult and they're living for the student lifestyle.

I have always known since I was five and got laughed at because I refused to play kiss chase because I refused to kiss the boys that I don't have the same outlook on life as a lot of other girls. I knew from a really young age that I wouldn't have boyfriends throughout secondary school and that I would never wear loads of makeup (nearly 19 and never worn foundation in my life). But I didn't think I'd get to university age and not want to embrace the entire university lifestyle.

Sometimes I see it as a negative thing. I genuinely do see people's points when they tell me that I will miss out on the experience and find it harder to make friends if I don't immerse myself into everything that goes on, at least initially. Fact of the matter is I know that at this UV foam party I'm attending (if I muster the courage) in 16 days time I will really be completely out of my depth. I'll feel paranoid and conscious the whole time, and even if I'm there I will miss out on the experience and find it hard to make friends. I can make friends easier than most if I'm in an environment I'm comfy with; chuck me into a YouTube gathering, put me in a theatre production and I'll come out with friends for life, but put me in a crowded, music-filled room full of people exactly like me except drunk and confident and I will dissolve.

Other times I see it as a positive thing. I don't drink very much at all (to me, going out for a "couple of drinks" is literally that. And then I stop.) which means at university I will be saving about £30 a week compared to others. I don't want to be out at parties till the early hours every night, which I'm hoping and assuming will reflect positively in my standard of work. I will not get with random guys in situations such as these, which I really see as nothing but a good thing despite what other girls may think.

But most of all I just see these as a Jocy thing. Trust JOCY to be thrilled about fending for herself and getting down to some really challenging work and to be freaking out about going to lots of parties. That's just what I'm like. I still LOVE going out, I'll definitely immerse myself in what's going on as much as possible. I'll have a drink or two with my friends, I'll dance with them at parties and I'll never, ever look down upon people who want to take their own student experiences further than that. But I suppose I am just One Of Those People who wants to get my head down and do what I need to do. Which is get to where I want to be.

Hellew.

I'm in Joe's bed. This makes me feel guilty because when he stays over at mine he has to do sleeps on the floor. But I'm doing sleeps at his and he gives me an entire BED.

I've had SUCH a good evening (': Me and Joe and Ross squidged onto the sofa and we watched Love Actually and we bitched the whole way through it about how life will never be like that and how it's all a massive sham xD It was really really funny.

I've had a bit of an UNSTABLE fortnight and now I'm laying here just like YAY because I feel sooooo much better about EVERYTHING now.

Really really mega good mood and I feel like a lucky human right now.

PS
-Vicar voloceraptus
-Love Actually finishes:
Ross, "Love is like a cancer."
Joe, "Who wants to kill themselves first?"
Jocy, "Death."

<3

Hello. I own half a face at least.

All of the wasted time, the hours that were left behind, the answers that we'll never find, they don't mean a thing tonight.

I'm so glad last week is over XD

It's only been this week for just over a day but it's already such a good week ^^

i'm so RELIEVED that all the disarray of everything is finished and things are back to how I love them most (:

So excited about Thursday to see Joe for the first time in over a month ^^ We're going to make quadruple chocolate chip cookies with milk, white, dark and peanut butter chocolate chips. And we're going to find our holiday to Paris (((((((((((:

Welcome back summer, I missed you <3



(':

I've got that thing when the the bad stuff going on translates into physical pain in my stomach and head.

)X

It isn't nice not being able to cope without someone when they can cope just fine without you ):


Just want this messed up stage to be over and things to go back to normal >.< I hate it.

It's extremely difficult to keep a sane and sensible head on your shoulders when the things that usually keep your head up there decide to bugger off -_-

Hello. I'm Jocy and I post blogs in Pret A Manger.

I'm having a mental breakdown. I need to cry really badly but I'm in Pret A Manger and I'm wearing mascara and I have to go back to my work experience placement in half an hour.

My brain is falling apart. I'm exhausted due to jetlag and insomnia, I can barely eat and haven't consumed a normal day's calories in over a week.

I'm just gonna say outright what's up. Hardly anyone reads this anyway.

My best friend of 5 years doesn't care anymore. This is note being emo and paranoid, this is what I know. He's too cool for me now and because I won't get drunk and stoned with him, I'm not worth his time. I'm sure one day if I ever forget how amazing our 5 years as best friends were then I'll be able to believe it's his loss. But at the moment, it's not. He's surrounded by a group of people, going out, doing his thing. I do all this but at the back of my mind I have the knowledge that he doesn't care about me anymore. I'll forget for a bit and everything will be hunky dory, and then I'll remember. Try living with that. I don't feel bad putting this on the Internet; I tried to talk to him about it several times and he has made it more than clear he doesn't want to know. So I will talk about it here instead. Taylor Swift writes songs about people that treat her badly, I write blogs. Fair play in my opinion.

On top of that, I miss my uber best friend like hell. I haven't seen him in over 3 weeks. I haven't spoken to him properly in 5 days. I'm probably reacting worse to this than the normal person should, but there we go. It's making me feel quite depressed. I don't know if he knows. He'd rightly tell me to shush and pull myself together. I hope I see him soon.


These things clearly demonstrate that I am a very dependent person. If I don't have my friends constantly there, I don't function properly. My mind foes stupid horrible things and I convince myself that they don't care anymore and are annoyed by me and don't want to be friends with me anymore. In the first case this turned out to be disgustingly true. It really is one of my worst mightmares come true. What mKes it worse is that he knows this yet still won't talk to me.

Jocy is not a happy Jocy.