F.M.L.

I'm a sucker for initialisms.

I hate it when people say to me "OhmyGOD please don't tell me you just actually SAID "lol" out loud!" I'm just like "Okay, I won't tell you that..."

I hate school. I hate A levels. I hate the concept of future. I love the concept of future. I hate most of the people I know. I love my little bubble of people I love.

I realised something so fugging ANNOYING today. I was pondering over exactly why I have so many subscribers and so few views on all of my more recent videos. And then it clicked. It took me years to hit 1000. Over two and a half years. People who have got 500 subscribers in a year are going to get that many views because the people are still there. A lot of my subscribers are from many moons ago and they don't actually give a flying fart in space about AccioJellyBean anymore. I need to have a subscriber boom in the space of a few months so that I actually HAVE people watching my videos. Because let's face it, subscribers are impressive in theory but if they get bored of you then what's the point?

Pixie Lott performed at my school today.

http://itn.co.uk/10ea0b399322358a10e7bc0ab0e6bbd7.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1248806/Thanks-Lott-Pixie-students-home-town-music-lesson-form-free-gig.html

http://news.bbc.co.uk/local/essex/hi/people_and_places/arts_and_culture/newsid_8501000/8501102.stm

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/Showbiz-News/Pixie-Lott-Brits-Nominated-Singer-Gives-Music-lesson-In-Local-School-In-Brentwood-Essex/Article/201002115543255?lpos=Showbiz_News_Third_UK_News_Article_Teaser_Region__9&lid=ARTICLE_15543255_Pixie_Lott%3A_Brits_Nominated_Singer_Gives_Music_lesson_In_Local_School_In_Brentwood%2C_Essex

Was good (:

I'm getting incredibly bored of the monotonous process my brain partakes in every day of my life; I want to do this with my life. No actually, I want to do that with my life. Nope, for REAL I want to do THIS with my life. Over and over and over and over. All day and all night.

Theatre Studies.

January was so good. I had some amazing times:
*New Year
*Young Americans
*Weekend with Joe & Ross
*Toby Carvery
See, pretty much every weekend in January was perfect.

I'm two (three technically) days into February. I spent the 1st and 2nd at one of the top ten universities in the country doing an interview, workshop and devised piece. I beat around 400 people to get to even this stage of the admissions process, so even if I don't get an offer I will still be proud of myself. But yesterday during the devised piece I really questioned Theatre Studies A Level. It's definitely my favourite subject, I really enjoy it and always have done. But seeing the devised pieces of 8 groups of students from all over the UK with potentially NOTHING in common aside from studying Theatre Studies A Level made me feel very off about it. Everyone's work was totally different. But everyone's work was SO similar. Yes we were asked to pull in techniques we learnt in the workshops on Monday so obviously some similarities were inevitable. But it was all so...unvaried. I love drama. But I want to be doing something totally different with it. I'm absolutely grateful that I have the skills that I have and I wouldn't change that for anything. But do I want to go on to university to do another three years of being taught things the way the structure says they have to be taught? I don't think I do. I want to take what I know already and build upon it in my own way. I want to take my YouTube channel places using the transferable skills like communication, vocal techniques, characterisation and eloquence that I learnt during Theatre Studies A Level. I want to take it from here by myself. Even if it's just for a year so that I can experiment. Maybe one day in the future I'll want to study Drama again; I'm sure I will. Because I love it. But I need a break to do my own thing with it. What I'm going to do with it, who knows? I have ideas.

0 - CRAP in less than 2 minutes.

Joe says: (20:59:43)
BOYS LIKE GIRLS DATES ANNOUNCED
Joe says: (20:59:43)
GETTING TICKETS NOW
Jocy says: (20:59:50)
OHMYGOID
Jocy says: (20:59:51)
WHERE
Jocy says: (20:59:52)
WHEN
Jocy says: (20:59:53)
OHMYGOD
Jocy says: (20:59:54)
aDGJALGMADKGAD
Jocy says: (20:59:55)
WHERE
Jocy says: (20:59:57)
OHMYGOD
Jocy says: (21:00:00)
WHERE
Jocy says: (21:00:01)
WHERE
Jocy says: (21:00:02)
WHERE
Jocy says: (21:00:03)
WHERE
Joe says: (21:00:03)
monday 15th of feb
Jocy says: (21:00:07)
OHMYGOD
Joe says: (21:00:07)
o2 islington
Jocy says: (21:00:09)
OHMYGOD
Jocy says: (21:00:11)
OHMYGOD
Jocy says: (21:00:12)
NO
Jocy says: (21:00:12)
NO
Jocy says: (21:00:13)
NO
Joe says: (21:00:13)
THATS SO CLOSE
Jocy says: (21:00:14)
NO
Jocy says: (21:00:14)
NO
Jocy says: (21:00:15)
NO
Jocy says: (21:00:16)
NO
Jocy says: (21:00:17)
IM
Jocy says: (21:00:18)
GOING
Jocy says: (21:00:18)
TO
Jocy says: (21:00:19)
KILL 
Joe says: (21:00:19)
WHAT!?
Jocy says: (21:00:20)
MYSELF
Jocy says: (21:00:27)
im crying
Jocy says: (21:00:29)
ACTUALLY CRYING
Jocy says: (21:00:34)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Joe says: (21:00:41)
WHAY!?!?!
Jocy says: (21:00:48)
SKI
Jocy says: (21:00:49)
TRIP
Jocy says: (21:00:52)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Jocy says: (21:00:55)
FUCK
Jocy says: (21:00:56)
MY
Joe says: (21:00:56)
WTF
Jocy says: (21:00:57)
LIFE
Jocy says: (21:01:02)
FUCKMYLIFE
Joe says: (21:01:04)
OMG I'M GONA HAVE TO GO ALONE :@
Joe says: (21:01:11)
i refuse to go with anyone else
Jocy says: (21:01:18)
IM SO GUTTED
Jocy says: (21:01:22)
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GUTTED I AM
Jocy says: (21:01:29)
THERE MUST BE ANOTHER ONE
Jocy says: (21:01:33)
THEY CANT ONLY DO ONE
Jocy says: (21:01:34)
THEY CANT
Jocy says: (21:01:37)
NOT WHILST IM SKIING
Jocy says: (21:01:40)
HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO ME
Jocy says: (21:01:40)
HOW
Jocy says: (21:01:47)
WE'VE BEEN EXCITED ABOUT THIS FOR A YEAR
Jocy says: (21:01:53)
ITS A YEAR TOMORROW SINCE THE LAST GIG
Jocy says: (21:01:57)
AND I AM IN FUCKING AUSTRIA
Joe says: (21:01:59)
14th + 15th
Joe says: (21:02:00)
london
Jocy says: (21:02:09)
NO
Jocy says: (21:02:09)
NO
Jocy says: (21:02:10)
NO
Jocy says: (21:02:11)
NO
Jocy says: (21:02:11)
THEY
Jocy says: (21:02:12)
CANT
Jocy says: (21:02:13)
DO
Jocy says: (21:02:14)
THIS
Jocy says: (21:02:14)
TO
Jocy says: (21:02:15)
ME
Joe says: (21:02:26)
one of thems an acoustic gig aswell
Jocy says: (21:02:29)
SHUTUP
Jocy says: (21:02:30)
OHMYGOD
Jocy says: (21:02:32)
OHMYGOD
Jocy says: (21:02:32)
NO
Jocy says: (21:02:33)
NO
Jocy says: (21:02:34)
NO
Jocy says: (21:02:34)
NO
Jocy says: (21:02:41)
IM SHAKING
Jocy says: (21:02:42)
LITERALLY
Jocy says: (21:02:44)
OHMYGOD
Joe says: (21:02:59)
oh ffs -_-
Joe says: (21:03:03)
i cant believe this

The last two weeks have flown by so unbelievably fast.

I'm glad and not glad about this.

Ugh I'm getting so stressed out again! It's frustrating me because I know it will turn out fine, I just don't know what the route to fine is. And whatever the route, I can't be bothered with it. I want to skip all this and just KNOW what I'm doing.

BRIGHT SIDE:
Got a few really really cool/interesting/hopefully funny video ideas for my YouTube :D Am gonna take it a bit more seriously this year. By that I don't mean my videos are going to be serious, I just mean that I intend for there to be more to them than me talking to my camera about my day. Not saying I'm gonna be busting out scripts and plans, just that I want to create some stuff that I can watch back and be proud of.

My January has been MAD so far.

It has been a very long time since I last blogged.

New Year was rather perfect. I don't want to give you a blow by blow account of it because to be frank, you wouldn't find it interesting. But it was one of those days/evenings/nights/mornings that just WORKED.

The first week or so of 2010 was brilliant. I felt on top of the world, excited about uni, just generally optimistic about life.

Then things took a turn.

Rofl. I think we now need some atmospheric lighting, dramatic music and melodramatic facial expressions.

Basically, my motivation vanished. I started doing really badly at school and just being damn lazy. Things had started going downhill before Christmas but I just thought it was a blip. But after I went back it became evident that nothing and no one would make me work for my January exams. I know it's bad when it comes to Joe nagging me to work. Don't get me wrong, Joe is one of the hardest workers I know, but usually I'M the massive geek, so when he's like "Go and revise -_-" I know I need to go and revise. But I just COULDN'T.

Basically what happened was that when I was absolutely intent on going to Royal Holloway for uni my motivation was FULL STEAM AHEAD because the thought of getting the grades and going there was the light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel that is school. But then, I started considering Kent. Because I didn't have a specific goal in sight, I felt like I had nowhere to work towards, so I just stopped working. Subconciously, I realise it was because I hoped that if I didn't get the grades then I wouldn't have to make a decision between them because I would have just got handed a place at a worse uni. I know this is a ridiculous outlook, but I am just REALLY REALLY bad at decision making.

Anyway. Last Saturday, my mum got my school report. To say it was BAD would be an understatement. Yeah, the teacher feedback was fine. But my predicted grades had gone down from As to Bs and Cs. As you can imagine, mother went a tad ballistic. And then she asked the question that changed EVERYTHING. She said "Are you getting cold feet about uni?" And I thought about. Two weekends before my parents had left me and Jake home alone for the first time and I hated it. I literally did not know where I wanted to be at uni. And I had stopped enjoying drama lessons, the subject I had applied to do at uni. The short answer is Yes, yes I was getting cold feet about uni.

I do what I always do in a time of crisis and I went on MSN to talk to Joe. And we talked it through and he helped me to realise that I'm really not ready to go to uni yet as I don't know where I want to be or what I want to do. And the more I thought about the more I realised that drama is a bad idea. I only applied for drama because I figured that I will never make it as a TV presenter and that drama is a good thing to have to fall back on. And then I realised that that is a TERRIBLE attitude. It is my aspiration to be a TV presenter, so I'm bloody well gonna try and be a TV presenter. I'm not going to make "last resort" decisions "just in case" it doesn't work out. Television is an industry where it is all about WHO you know and not WHAT you know. So I am taking a year out, getting some work experiece and hopefully gaining some contacts whilst chucking my name out there. I'm reapplying for university in 2011 when I know what I want to study.

As soon as I made this decision, my motivation came back. I had really missed my geeky self.