I've been procrastinating an essay for over a week.
It's really stressing me out and getting it down.
Which is insane bearing in mind that I've known ALL WEEK that once I sit down, get my notes out and do it, it will take less than an hour.
But somehow, I still can't bring myself to do it.
*Sigh*

In which I am confused by undergarments.

I try not to be too much of a teenage girl cliche. This is because when I watch chick flicks I delight in the fact that I can enjoy the lives' of the characters knowing that I'm not bound to knowing anything about types of underwear and ways to swish ones hair in real life. But occasionally. absolute bona fide girl mode swoops down upon my friends and I. Friday was one of those days.

It all began with Aimee's bra. I could see a bit of pink poking through her top so I asked her where her bra was from. "It's not a bra, it's a (OHGOD I ACTUALLY CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS CALLED! Brb, Google)

Got it.

"It's not a bra, it's a basque."
This confused me entirely. "What's a basque?"
"It's like a corset but it doesn't do up at the back."
"So it's like a swimming costume with no knickery bits?"
"No Jocy."

This went on for about 10 minutes, in which Charlie had joined the conversation and was also trying to get me to understand what the absolute fug a basque is. In the end, Aimee and Charlie dragged me to the toilets and Aimee proceeded to SHOW ME her basque. As in, she just half stripped off standing there in the toilets. I was in hysterics to say the least. And she then went on to show me her stockings and suspenders. Cue more laughter.

"Aimee, why are you wearing all that slaggy stuff to school?!?!?!"
"Because I'm going round Louis' tonight!"
"Couldn't you have put it on when you got to his house?!"
"No. When I get to his house we don't want to waste any time. His parents are out."

And then Aimee showed me and Charlie how her boobs are in fact too big for her basque and they were falling out all over the place.

I'll definitely remember those 5 minutes for the rest of my life. It honestly could have been a scene taken straight from a film.

Au revoir youth.

Today is my last day as a child.
I find it very disconcerting and sad that most of us are adults for the majority of our lives. It just seems unfair. The best feeling ever, in my opinion, is having no worries. And I think I can safely say that I haven't had that feeling, pure and unadulterated, since I was about 5. So why do we have to grow up so fast? It's absolutely unjust.

I want the best of both worlds. I want to go to university and get a job and live away from my parents and be independent. But I want to stay a child. I never wanted to even be 16, so you can imagine how horrible it feels knowing that tomorrow I'm going to be 18. Nearly two decades. Old.

I'm going to try really hard to make the most of today.

I like Stacey Solomon as much as the next person, but if she thinks that I'm going to vote for her just because she was in my Hebrew class 10 years ago, she's got another think coming.

I never want to forget yesterday.

Yesterday was the first REAL payday for me, Aimee and Charlie, so after school we all went down the high street together to check our bank balances. We went to the cash point and one by one we put in our cards, punched in our PIN numbers and pressed "Display balance". After we had all seen the numbers on the screen, we were jumping up and down hugging and screaming in the middle of the high street, and it was such a lovely moment. It was a moment where I suddenly felt really independent, and ironically, it was made perfect by the fact that I was sharing the independence with two of my best friends. After we had calmed down we went into Starbucks. We were sitting in there drinking our coffees and suddenly our friend Kate walked in. She came up to our table, and with a massive grin, said, "I JUST GOT MY FIRST PAY CHEQUE!!!!!!!" So Kate joined us and we all sat in Starbucks together revelling in the fact that we are all employed and all pretty happy with how things are going. It was a really amazing time.

I love you Aimee, Charlie and Kate xxx

I'm not one for negatively judging people without merit to do so, because I do not like that being done to me. But it has to be said, some people are just too embarrassing to live on this planet. Anyone who makes me look cool is too embarrassing for this planet.

Something that is annoying me.

Fangirls. Or boys. Whatever. I mean, people fangirling over ME?!?! Seriously, anyone who has that sort of view of me from my YouTube videos needs to sort it out. Fangirl over someone who actually DOES something. Fangirl over Dave Blueskies who writes music or Smosh who make comedies or John and Hank who created a whole community of their own. Do not fangirl over me. I talk to my camera. I don't attempt to make people laugh or display a talent, I JUST TALK TO MY CAMERA. "I'm starstruck that you replied to my comment" Why would anyone be starstruck that I replied to them? I go to school, I have a job, I go on the internet. It's not like I'm doing anything meaningful with my life which would stop me from having the time to reply to comments. I DO NOT DO ANYTHING SPECIAL. I do not want people leaving me "witty" messages thinking that they need to impress me because I'm on YouTube and have more than 30 subscribers and I won't be their friend unless they sound "cool". I do not behave any different on my vlogs as I do in my day to day life. I do not want fans. I like that people watch my videos but I do NOT WANT FANS. It's so frustrating. If you watch my videos and get all hyped up about one day meeting me "IRL" then you're gonna be disappointed, because I don't do anything special or exceptional. I just want people to watch my videos and be able to relate to me and I want to make friends.